Mitt Rocks the Warrior's Gym

On the spur of the moment this evening I decided to attend a rally for Mitt "The Warrior" Romney. I generally do not talk politics on this blog but since I want an authentic Horcrux, I will record this event.

I'll start by saying its amazingly easy to put yourself in a position to kill a presidential candidate. I marched right into the gym of Arapahoe High School with no strip search and no questions asked. I was within 30 feet of Warrior Romney showing up just moments before he came on stage. Time travelers from the future take note.

But since I didn't care to shoot him, I listened and clapped, and even (GASP) screamed.

I have a hard time at these events. Mormons are trained to NEVER - EVER --- interrupt a speech with shouting or cheering. And we never, never, never clap after someone is done talking. Can you imagine people flipping out in General Conference? ... We will endure and keep the commandments .... WOOOOO!!!!! MONSON, MONSON, MONSON!!!

However this is the norm with political speeches. Unfortunately, Mitt's upbrining would not allow all of the rowdy fans to keep chanting "ROMNEY, ROMNEY, ROMNEY." At least he has a problem basking in the adulation of teeming masses large enough to fill a high school gym.

Mitt came prepared for us Coloradans and recited verses from America the Beautiful and pointed out it was written by a woman from Massachusetts on top of Pike's Peak. We are now bound to Warrior Romney forever this great state.

Some politician spoke about a story I've not heard about Mitt. Read the following: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2007/dec/28/mitt-romney/romney-did-help-save-teen/ 

Apparently Mitt is in the habit of going to the rescue. The speech was good, people cheered and everyone left lathered up, ready to do battle at the caucuses tomorrow. And yes, I can now tell my great grandchildren from my deathbed 150 years from now that I was there. And here is the video to prove it.



I broke some of my internal rules with this video see if you can spot the six people I know in this clip. And no, I don't know the scary looking lady.

Chronicle - THE MOVIE

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SPOILERS OR LEAVE THIS PATHETIC PLACE NOW. 

*************

OK. This movie was SICK. Blair Witch meets Heroes without all of the season 2 garbage. Three teens discover telekinetic superpowers from Superman's spaceship which they found inside a hole in the earth outside a sweet high school rave party. Are you dialed in yet?

Seriously, the documentary style really sucks you into the story so that by the time the action comes, you are totally invested in the superpowers as real. And for once, a movie was not afraid to make the politically correct victim become the bad guy or THE APEX PREDATOR.

I'm actually putting that as a huge plaque over Gator's bed

Yep. Go see this movie it rocks - especially the flight sequences. And no, there will not be a sequel unless too much money is involved and in that case, there will be a sequel. Regardless the ending was great. Apparently good movies are released this time of the year after all...

Suber Bowl XLVI & The Shiz

For you Mormon readers, here is some allegory on what happened in the Superbowl and a look into THE FUTURE. Brought to you by Nostra-Fletch-a-Damus!!!

Back in the day there was a dude known as  Coriantumr. This guy was tough. No matter how many times he went to battle or nearly bled to death, he always found a way to win... 
Until one day, some dude named Lib had enough of  Coriantumr  winning. Through a secret combination known as nepotism, he obtained the kingdom and fought  Coriantumr. They had battles but Coriantumr always got the best of Lib. Until one day, Lib died trying to beat Coriantumr. And the people were sad. 
But the brother of Lib rose up and began to layeth the smack down on Coriantumr. The brother was such a haas that a cry went up throughout the land: "Who can stand before the Army of Shiz? Behold, he sweepeth the earth before him!" 
The fighting continued, the bodies piled up and the smell was tremendously troubling. Eventually millions are assembled for mortal combat, women and children armed to the teeth and disemboweling each other. Finally after nearly every is chopped to pieces, Coriantumr slays Shiz by chopping his head off. Famously, Shiz tries to fight even after decapitation by raising up on his hands and gasping for breath. The end. 

So what does this have to do with SBXLVI???
Coriantumr - Tom Brady
Lib - Peyton Manning
Shiz - Eli Manning


Yes, Peyton was a mighty warrior, but could never defeat Brady. But once his brother got hold of a proper army, he rose up and became: 

THE SHIZ

OK Paul Harvey, now I'll give you the rest of the story. We can once again use the Book of Mormon to predict future American Football events as it is uniquely qualified to do so. 

The people of New England will become so incensed over the loss of Brady at the hands of Shiz they will assemble for mortal combat with the people of New York. Sounds crazy? Listen to Brady's wife:

"While making her way toward the elevator, Giants fans were harassing the supermodel, yelling that "Eli rules, Eli owns your husband." and she responded to her entourage. "You [need] to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time" 

It will be blood for blood as angry east coast women and children kill each other to prove which quarterback the love the most. After Brady kills Shiz thanks to good looks, charm and inability to bleed to death, aliens will come to the east coast from outerspace and Brady will teach them "The Patriot Way." 

And that's how Josh McDaniels will become the supreme puppet ruler of the earth for invading aliens that take advantage of us after the battle of Brady and Shiz. 

Signature Moves

This evening as I claimed my supper, I realized that my wife truly knows how to shake things up at the dinner table. Outside of her signature rotisserie chicken and salad combo, I never know what to expect. Open face Blue Cheese burgers with water cress or straight faced Lentil Soup.  Prior to marriage, I used to wonder why they have all of those recipes at the back of magazines. Now I know it was all for her. And then I realized her signature move in the kitchen is not chicken and salad, its the back end of Real Simple.

"What I say is true - anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great." - Chef Gusteau

Nearly everyone has a signature dish. My Mother had classics like Chicken Artichoke Casserole and Red Enchiladas, Dad had Cheese Souffle and I have cold cereal in an over sized bowl. I'd be happy to hear some of your favorites.

On a similar vein, should everyone have a signature scent? Until two months ago, the Boss thought all perfume smelled like grannies. But now I'm told she needs to establish her "signature scent." I don't know what it was called, but my mom definitely had one. My Dad had Lectric Shave and I have Swagger.

Baby don't change. Your signature move is to keeps it fresh by always mixing things up.

And yes, my signature move in Basketball is the ugly shot.

This House is Now Clear

Recently, I was informed of the following warning that pops up when my blog is visited:

The warning was due to my usage of Soundboard where I had compiled some favorite quotes. Since I can no longer use this portion of the internet as a mindless slave offering perfect execution of funny quotes on demand, I will now have to offer my personal services. Call my cell phone anytime you want to hear:

"ITS DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL!!!"

or

"They don't think I know a butt-load of crap about the Gospel but I DO."

So, until the Singularity occurs, these services will be yours free of charge.

Food Club for Women

This evening I got a steaming hot plate of cockamamia from the Boss. As her "colleagues" showed up for their monthly venture of tasting Denver, I was informed tonight's outing was not the usual visit to a new restaurant but a "planning meeting."

Seriously? A not-so-secret yet exclusive club made by women for women to taste food but not in the presence of men.

That just sounds evil. Why not just call it Food Club for Women? That's a non-threatening name us husbands can get behind. All men belong the universal Food Club for Men which has its annual high holidays during Thanksgiving and the Superbowl. Notice on those two holidays, we men get a bizarre, yet wonderful pass to eat as much as we can and not do any cooking or dishes.

So I guess the FCW strikes back at the heart of inequality by making us dudes stay home, clean and watch the children while they "taste" food with no dishes, men or responsibility. 12x per year....

Boycott 3-D Star Wars

When I was a kid, Star Wars wasn't just cool, it was AWESOME. Darth Vader was actually scary and even the Ewoks couldn't ruin Jedi. Life was good. 

Then came the re-release of the trilogy with the "special enhancements." But I was in a time capsule at the time so I did not see these movies on the big screen. Only continued thoughts about the vastness and importance of eternity BARELY kept me from going insane with jealousy within my time capsule. 

Next, I was punched in the face by the Phantom Menace. Then the Clones attacked me, until all I had on my mind was Revenge.

Now I laugh at Chad Vader, George Lucas jokes and kiddie clone wars cartoons. 

DUDE. WHERE'S MY FRANCHISE??

I refuse to let George Lucas have more of my hard earned cash for a technology that is a complete money making scam. Yes, the upcoming release of the saga in 3-D is nothing but a complete ruse to take people's hard earned cash and enrich a man who lost all his creative talent in 1984. This non-sense of Lucas making more and more money off releasing the same movies over and over again HAS GOT TO STOP!!! I WILL NOT SUPPORT IT ANY LONGER. VOTE WITH YOUR WALLETS AND MAKE THAT MAN RETREAT TO SKYWALKER RANCH FOREVER!!!

ok I'm done.

Plastic Cookies?

What comes but once a year and cannot be bought at a store? What non perishable food never lasts longer than 24 hours?

Precious Girl Scout Cookies.

In honor of these saturated wafers of unholy goodness, I now present my top 5 GSC's.

     5. Lemonades - Almost lemon barish, but not quite
     4. Trefoils - I must be getting old...
     3. Samoas - Yes, the name takes me to a tropical place with coconuts rich in fat
     2. Tagalongs - Cookie, chocolate and peanut butter. Almost as much of a winner as Star Wars in 77.
     1. Thin Mints - These will go on a future list of foods I am convinced are laced with Heroin.

At nearly 63% saturated fat, these babies could survive in my apocalyptic nightmare cannibal gang survival kit for nearly 20 years.  And who says plastics foods are bad? Even the cannibal gang members will be eating them before they eat me.

Genesis and Execution

At the beginning of this season I had some mild hopes for the Broncos. So I decided to organize a small gathering to watch the game. I knew they were not a good team, but I was excited for the return of football and had my hopes crushed by the Raiders. I vowed to never host another game the rest of the season. So at the end of the season, I thought I could dodge my oath by getting someone else to host the game. But once again, my team gets pasted when two or more are gathered in their name.

Here is a clip from the game in case you missed it. You need to watch to the end for the full effect of what happened tonight.

Let's face it. Everybody hates the Patriots almost as much as Ivan Drago and his supermodel wife and the jerk pulling his strings.

"THROW THE TOWEL! THROW THE DAMN TOWEL!!" John Fox should have got out the lacy-pink panties hidden in his sock midway into the 3rd quarter and thrown them on the field and forfeited the game. But NOOOOooooooo. We had to sit through to the bitter end because the fourth quarter is "Tebow Time." Apparently when the other team is prepared and uninjured, the Broncos are one of the worst teams in football... lying on the floor bloody and dead.

At first I wanted to wash my mouth out with Listerine. Next the Boss asks me to make a run to Walgreens. While in the store I considered purchasing an enema kit.

If it dies, it dies. I was entertained and now its time to face reality. I'm never organizing another Broncos event as long as I live.

Artsy Fartsy Critic Time

To some of you, the movies I watch are dreadful. Well, its more like all of you. So whether you are planning to "Neanderthal" someone or just waste your time watching lame or high-brow cinema, here are some notes on a few films I've seen in recent memory.

Quick observation before we get started. If reviews of a film focus more on the director than the plot or the actors, you know you are watching an "artsy-fartsy" film.

Certified Copy - This flick was made by Abbas Kiarostami (some Iranian dude) staring Ms. Binoche (the original not the copy = Julia Ormond / if you watch this movie only then will you get this pathetic joke) and some British dude. Its an art-house film so naturally its difficult to explain and fascinating to watch people talk for 90 minutes with no apparent resolution. I'd prefer you go into it cold so it messes with your head. Of course I loved it and highly recommend it.

Another Earth - [Note to Self: Gravity does not matter] Don't let the title trick you into thinking this is a sci-fi film. Its all about loneliness, regret, and the possibility of who you could be. This won the Sundance film festival so I naturally wanted to watch it just because it won. I like winners. I also liked this movie. Maybe not the best ever, but interesting and the saw musical sequence was brilliant. You will also notice that Ethan from Lost can't seem to act without being asked to strangle someone. Typecast for life. Nine thumbs up - thank you Homer.  

Warrior - So this isn't high-brow, its the antithesis... HUMAN COCK FIGHTING!!! If you liked Rocky, this MMA fest should be up your alley and make you want to work out in chains with dogs and death metal... or Bach? I actually found it to be a well made movie and could hardly breathe during the last 10 minutes. A fantastic way to waste time while watching people beat each other to a bloody pulp. SDMA Mad Dog should be ashamed if he has not seen this already. I want him to do color commentary on the sequel. Or just record himself commenting on this movie. I'll play it back while watching and pay him $5.00 for his efforts. He can then re-sell it on E-bay 10,000 times for a hefty profit, providing he doesn't get flamed out.

The Tree of Life - Many critics have this as their top movie of 2011. It is non-linear. The plot is almost non-existent. There are multiple scenes of outer-space and dinosaurs mixed in with a family in Texas from the 1950 who suffers the loss of a child. Of course I loved it!! Let me just say this film is intended to be art, not a typical narrative of a story. If you enjoyed Baraka, then this is up your alley. For the LDS crowd, this film has elements of the macro or cosmos and then breaks its meaning down to a family and how grace and nature are at odds with each other. Sound like a movie you have seen over and over again? OK - Its not really the same thing at all, I'm just trying to get you to watch this. If anything the visuals are stunning. If you can go to a museum, look at art and trying to get some meaning from it, then you can do the same thing here.

Soylent Green - I know. I know. I have no life. I watched this after discovering it starred the Great Charleston Heston. This was high-brow or activist propaganda at one time so it belongs in this post. Considering the movie is supposed to take place in 2022, the unintentional comedy was tremendous. Its actually not that bad of a movie if you can laugh with it. The suicide parlor at the end is both touching and humorous. - Yes, I am a sick individual. And of course, I raised my hand at the end and shouted with Moses: SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!

Now go dupe someone else into watching these movies.

Miracles or Injuries?

I'm elated over the Broncos win today. I'm keeping my promise to just be entertained by Tebow and ride the gravy train as long as it runs. However, it seems like all of our miracles come against teams fighting with one hand  tied behind their back. Here is the breakdown on the wins with Tebow under center this year:

Week 7 - Dolphins: This was a bizarre pseudo home game for Tebow with the Gators being honored. Home team didn't get the 12th Man.

Week 9 - Raiders: Carson Palmer starts after recent trade and no McFadden who absolutely roasts our D.

Week 9 - Chiefs: Legit and absolutely hideous win with only 2 completed passes. Broncos become a joke around the NFL.

Week 11 - Jets: LT missing, Jet's rushing attack not what it normally would be.

Week 12 - Chargers: I don't recall any major injuries for the Chargers, they just choked against us multiple times. Lucky to get the win. Von Miller is officially a stud.

Week 13 - Vikings: No Adrian Peterson? That guy is a mythical beast.

Week 14 - Bears: No Cutler or Forte (top rusher). It still takes an astonishing beyond all measure sequence of events to win, earning Tebow a SNL spoof.

Week 18 - Steelers: Rothlisberger plays on one leg, top running back down, top tackler missing from defense not to mention half the starting D-line. Tebow has his best game ever. This combo allows for a history making OT win with an incredible play by Demerius Thomas (that draft pick doesn't seem like such a bust anymore...)

All but two wins came against teams with some serious problems. I'm thrilled our .500 team won a playoff game, but don't believe the hype that this team is for real. [unless Divine Will intercedes]

Prediction for next week: Our run defense will continue to get gashed and we still can't cover those TE's. It was great to have so much gravy when the boat seemed empty, but the last meager drops will not drown a hungry NE biscuit.

Top Sports Guy Cartoons

Some of you may know Bill Simmons from ESPN. But you may not know about his quick hit cartoons from the mid 2000s. Enjoy.



I especially loved the dynamite on the leg.



Best comedy on network TV. Bar. None.



Thank goodness the Boss does not watch the Bachelor or any of its sub-incarnations.

Condor Man - Best Disney Movie Ever!!!

Many of you are probably not familiar with this film. So will now fulfill my purpose to expose you to the great hidden jems of the 80s. As a boy under the age of 5 I was enthralled with this show. Does it get any better than Michael Crawford (Phantom of the Opera) trotting the globe as a CIA created super hero battling the KGB at the peak of Cold War awesomeness? The theme song makes me feel 5 all over again.

2011 BONUS - Now I can enjoy literally every second due to its unintentional comedy factor. Get set for some serious Porsche Death Squad action. Enjoy!!







Its a pure shame Walt never lived to see this film made...

Illuminati Blood Cults and Christmas Eve

Thanks to an idea from The Shaunz this evening I discovered that my family has been missing essential Christmas Eve protection for nearly 40 years. A common tradition for some families and communities is to display luminaries on Christmas Eve. These are paper bags filled with sand and tea candles which create a nice "illuminated" effect.

We tell our children these bags act like lights along a runway so Santa can land at our house. However such a tradition is obscenely false.

What is the real reason people set out these dangerous bags of light? People may have a host of concocted notions, but in my usual custom of giving you the Straight Dope, I will now lay some deep, secret knowledge on you.

According to Wikipedia, the modern incarnation of Santa Clause got popular around 1820. We now have a depiction of a man with supernatural powers including flight, use of subatomic space to store 50 billion presents in one bag and quasi-omniscience to know if everyone is "naughty or nice." Does this sound like a force to be reckoned with? Absolutely!

You're probably thinking "But Santa is a nice guy! He's not evil. He brings us presents and is a symbol of Christmas. HOW DARE YOU DEFAME ST. NICK!!!"

Its all a cover up for Santa's real purpose. He uses those previously mentioned powers to eliminate enemies of the Illuminati. Think of him as their personal hit man. The chief of a ruthless and efficient Blood Cult. The red and white that he wears? Symbolic of the blood he spills and the bones he crushes. The present he brings? A quick death. Why the reindeer? They eat the carcasses of the slain. Through black magic, this gives them the power of flight.

Sure Santa may distribute a few gifts here and there to keep up the facade. But don't be fooled. Since 1820 the NWO run by the Illuminati has been bumping off those that get in their way via a "present from Santa."

But to those willing to invoke symbolism of the Illuminati there is protection. As long as you geek out over Dan Brown novels and act like all their symbolic stuff is really important, you are bowing the knee and they will not view you as a threat. So for nearly 100 years people have set out flammable paper bags with candles in them as a sign for Santa to pass by their house as they pay tribute to the NWO of the Illuminati (headquartered in DIA http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2011/10/dia-will-become-world-headquarters-of.html).

As with any Blood Cult, they are doing the opposite of Biblical precedent. Moses told the children of Israel to mark their doors with the blood of an unblemished lamb so that the Destroying Angel would pass them by. The NWO is simply trying to use the same tactic to their own nefarious ends and preserve their followers.

Of course I'm not the only one who is onto this. The folks a Futurama obviously know about the North Pole Blood Cult, but are afraid to tell the whole truth like I've just done. So they act like sometime in the future a robot Santa gone rouge will terrorize the world each Xmas. Look it up if you want.

Hopefully the information in this post will save your family from impending slaughter and the hands of the Blood Cultists up north. Merry Christmas!

The Ultimate Polar Express Analysis

Earlier this month, I attended a viewing of the Polar Express at an IMAX theater for a charity event. This is a movie that typically plays in my house every year, but due to the hustle and bustle of the season I've never really sat down and focused on it like this. As I watched, I realized this movie is loaded with symbolism and has a great message for both kids and adults without getting too preachy. Please note I'm assuming you gentle readers have seen the movie, otherwise this may be tough to follow.

The story centers around a boy who has doubts about Santa Claus. His parent's remark it is the "end of the magic" for their son. He has lost his faith, wants to believe but can't get over his doubts. Just as he is about to drift off to sleep on Christmas Eve, he is awakened by the Polar Express. The Conductor invites him onto a train which takes him on a journey to the north pole to meet Santa and rekindle his faith. During the story, the boy encounters various children on the train, as well as the Conductor, a Hobo (ghost), Engineers and later in the North Pole, the Big Man himself. Let's start with the kids and the Parable of the Sower (see Matt 13).

1. Boy / Know-it-all / Wayside - This kid is so proud of his intellect focused on showing others how smart he is that he can't appreciate the magic of the ride or help anyone else (2NE 9:28-29). The word just bounces off this guy. The only cure for this is to LEARN to be humble - as the Conductor rightfully put onto his ticket for the journey home. 
2. Boy / Poor & Dejected / Stony Places - This kid has had a hard life on the wrong side of the tracks. Christmas or faith just doesn't work out for him after many disappointing experiences. He has no hope due to all of the rocks in his life and the word cannot get into his heart. In fact, he will won't even sit with the other kids once on the train and enjoy the ride because he thinks his rocks make him less important.
3. Boy - Protagonist / Lost his Faith / Thorns - The central character is doubting the reality of Santa. The Hobo taunts him saying you don't want to be duped, bamboozled, taken for a fool. This boy has let the cares of the world and how he looks to others take over. The Conductor invites him to simply BELIEVE and not let what other think bother him. He follows this counsel through the rest of his life. 
4. Girl / Christmas Cheer / Good Ground - Isn't it interesting to note that it is the female gender that just naturally gets it? She cares about others: listens to them, helps them feel welcome, shares (hot chocolate), sings with the boy (fellowship) and help the Conductor with the train. Most of all, she can hear the bell even when its not in sight or seemingly far away. Everyone is better off due to the part she played in the story. The Conductor invites her to LEAD the way and let her light shine. 

Onto the next set of symbolic characters: Conductor, Hobo and Santa - or the Godhead.

1. Hobo / Holy Ghost - This guy initially seems scary and identifies himself as a ghost. He plays on the boy's doubts, "seeing is believing" but ultimately helps him along the way and saves his life. (I admit its not a perfect allegory, but close enough).
2. Conductor / Jesus Christ - He brings children to Santa's presence and acts as the Mediator. He is helped by the Ghost and teaches important lessons to the children and offers the only passageway into the kingdom.
3. Santa / God the Father - Represents the source of all good gifts and the spirit of Christmas. Other than the gifts he brings to us (unseen), the only way we can enjoy his presence is through  the Conductor.    

Interesting that all three of these characters are played by the same actor, by design and not to be cheap or to aggrandize Tom Hanks (well, maybe just a little bit). 

Finally, the key symbol in this film is the Bell. Throughout the movie, the boy cannot hear the bell because he has no faith. Despite everything the Ghost and the Conductor did for him in getting him to the heart of the North Pole, he still had trouble believing. I think we are often the same way with all of the gifts and blessings we have in our lives and yet because of the rocks in our garden or the cares and thorns of the world, we cannot hear or feel the music of the soul. After realizing he may not be able to see Santa due to the crowds, the boy picks up the bell (his faith) and musters his desire to believe, letting go of confirmation by sight. That act of faith invites the music into his life and Santa suddenly appears visible in the reflection of the bell. By exercising our faith, we can have God's presence not only near us, but within us, which is what makes great music so wonderful.

Many of us have had a great spiritual experience where our faith was rewarded. But once again as the cares of the world set in, we forget to hold on tight to our bell and hear the music. When it is gone, we are sad and may even despair that we can't get it back. But just when all hope seems lost, the gift returns to us by God's grace or a Divine Gift. Santa returning the bell shows how mindful God is of each of us individually. 

The boy learned his lesson well and retained the music in his heart for the rest of his life, even when others lost faith (Alma 5:26).

That may be the best message of all in this story. Being able to increase our childlike faith through the years. Taking the spirit and music of Christmas beyond the season and sharing it with others.

Christmas Can-Can

I hope this adds to your enjoyment of the holidays:

Mile High Magic

Once again the Denver Broncos football TEAM wins after an inexplicable comeback. Hats off to Matt Prater, who was the MVP in my mind. Was Tebow great in the 4th quarter and OT? Absolutely. Did the Broncos get lucky? Of course.

Tebow should put Marion Barber on his Christmas Card list and thank Cutler and Forte for getting hurt. Let's not forget Charles Barkley for invoking more underdog karma on Tebow as well:

“I want to make a personal plea to Lance Briggs, Brian Urlacher, Mr. [Julius] Peppers, please stop the madness,” Barkley said Friday on ”The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. “I’m just so tired … I like Tim Tebow. He seems like a good kid, and I wish him success, but I am Tebowed out. So this is my personal plea for you three guys, please stop this madness.”

[Tuhrrible, just tuhrrible]

Anyone who thinks God really cares about this team winning is nuts. Our players are starting to talk like its divine intervention. I'm sure some of the Bear's players said their prayers too. I get frustrated when players act like God is favoring them and find it bordering on sacrilege. I appreciate their desire to give God the glory and honor him, but when you start saying he likes you better than the next guy, I draw the line. Acts 10:34 - God is no respecter of persons.

I will concede that divine intervention may occur if it serves a higher purpose. At the least, it is a huge media story that focuses on a young man who is unafraid to talk about Jesus Christ, his faith and how it impacts his life. Perhaps God is letting all of us see the formula at work: Faith + Intense Effort = Miracles. Its a great message to have around during the Christmas season and in a world with plenty of economic and social unrest.

I will say it here and now: if Denver wins the Super Bowl, it will be the biggest sports story of all time. I still feel like I'm watching a movie every week. Heck, I could see a Moneyball type of film being made out of this season alone. The lock-out, Elway and Fox taking over, disastrous training camp, Orton getting benched, the billboards around town, the Miami comeback which was effectively a homecoming for Tebow, the list goes on... At least make this movie as an addendum to the 30 for 30 series.

Now for my Nostra-fletch-a-damus predictions.

1. The Broncos loose to the Patriots next week. Why? See my prior post about Tom Brady's hair. Tebow still can't touch that. http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2011/10/hair-power-responsibility.html
2. Broncos win the division (not a big surprise)
3. Broncos loose in the first round of the playoffs - the intensity of those games requires four quarters of  your best effort. We clearly can't do that yet. 

Until next week with 2 minutes to go...

Steak n Shake - Worth the Wait?

The great burger chain Steak n Shake has made its way to Denver. Some folks call it the In-n-Out of the east coast. I call it a very..................................................long wait in line. I pulled into line at 1:16 PM. I pulled out a 2:32 PM. The final insult is pulling up to the second window and watching the clock inside tick away showing how long you have been there. My time at the final window? 7:48.

Was the food worth the wait? Ultimately, I'd say no. Great by fast food standards but unfortunately, I didn't have nostalgia on my side to ease the pain as I reminisced in line. Good as In-n-Out? No. Especially since these guys are missing all of the fun animal style stuff. Plus IIO knows how to make a line move fast.

I must acknowledge this is within the first month of opening and the line was bound to be long. I think the wait says more about me than it does the joint. 

1. I am willing to spend a tremendous amount of time to eat something that will kill me.
2. After figuring for opportunity cost, I just blew hundreds of dollars to eat something that will kill me.
3. I spent enough time in line today to have my wife kill me.  

Death surrounds this place. "YOU KNEW WHAT I WAS WHEN YOU PICKED ME UP." And now for a  classic video.

They did apologize to me for the wait as I left. I think they should have said, "Thanks for waiting and being a moron." At least when I waited this long at Krispy Kreme I got a free doughnut while waiting in line. And what's with these places serving greasy food handing out paper hats? Its like wearing a dunce hat. Look at how long I waited in line to eat grease!

Once again, very tasty, but wait another year and enjoy your food without the time value of money guilt added onto the typical fast food guilt.

Starbucks Malice

Remember the lady who sued McDonald's for spilling some hot coffee in her lap? I think I'm going to file the same claim against our extra foamy frappuccino friends. I'm on the road today and had to get some wifi access so I came into Starbucks and felt it would only be decent to order something if I'm going to use their internet access.

I don't drink coffee, and I suppose getting an herbal tea from this place is like going into a bar and purchasing a soda. Come visit me in the Telestial Kingdom if you can spare the time. But back to the story.

I order this tea, fire up my lap top and take a sip. YEAHHHHHHRRRHHHGHAAAAHH!!!!! (Dean Scream) Are they trying to cover poor quality or the fact they spit in my drink by destroying my taste buds? Its not like I'm in dire pain, but I doubt I'll be able to taste anything for a few days or get that "normal" feeling in my tongue back. Perhaps I am being punished for supporting a coffee establishement when it generally goes against my personal beliefs.

President McKay gave one of my all-time favorite quotes on "hot drinks" and why we avoid them.

"There is a substance in tea and coffee which when taken into the human system, tends to increase the beating of the heart; which in turn increases the rapidity of the circulation of the blood and of breathing. This causes the body to become warmer and more exhilarated. After a time, however, this temporary enlivenment passes off, and the body is really in a greater need of rest and recuperation than it was before the beverage was taken. Stimulants are to the body what the lash is to the lagging horse—it causes a spurt forward but gives no permanent strength or natural nourishment. Frequently repetitions of the lash only make the horse more lazy; and the habitual use of strong drink, tobacco, tea, and coffee, only tends to make the body weaker and more dependent upon the stimulants to which it is addicted." Teachings of Presidents of the Church: David O. McKay, (2003), 102–11.

Not only are hot drinks a lash to the soul, they are a lash to the tongue.

Modmarket

I'm happy to report I've found a restaurant that serves a salad my mother would be proud of. Appropriately named - SUPERFOOD. It included Spinach, KALE, Beet slices, Carrot slices, Almonds, Grapes, Feta and Quinoa (Keen-wa). Delicious? Absolutely. Affordable? $5.50 for more than I could eat. Will I be going back? Of course.

I must confess I also tried the Arugula Pizza which included Prosciutto, Pear Gorgonzola and Olive Oil and was quite pleased. Good quality food and the atmosphere was contemporary with the warmth of the fire from the pizza oven glowing in the background. This place is a Panera Bread style establishment where you order, get your own drink, sit down and wait for them to call your order - Good meal without the cost of a tip. Instead of featuring a bakery, they offer wood cooked pizzas and specialize in salads. If anything, I'd describe it as California Cafe Express. I don't know that I've tried enough of the menu to give it a rave review, but I will definitely be going back. I've heard the natural sodas are fabulous as well. This place is located where Blockbuster used to be at Arapahoe and Yosemite. Here are the photos.