Saturday, September 23, 2006

Things Have Changed

I'd like to share some quotes from a fictional book that I recently read. Although they may seem humorous, I put them here to show how much our attitudes 'appear' to have shifted in the last 30 years. The book deals with a woman struggling to decide if she wants to keep her marriage together with her golf-addicted psychologist husband.

This guys' mantra to his wife is "You should feel lucky to be married to someone who understands human relations." (tip to all male readers - never say that.)

[During an argument] "I have to go away, Clem, to be with Neena while she is still at home with us, before she falls in love or gets married. I told you all that; and to be honest, I've got to think things out about us." [Clem responds] "What's wrong with us? I feel alright. It must be you. What's the matter?... You take things too seriously. You just need more sleep." (That's when you do a full-tooth grin and run for the bomb shelter)

[The golfer then gives this story to his wife - about a couple in his class that was thinking about divorce] "They'd come to our class because President WEDLOCK who works with us, was their mission president...After listening to them for a while, he just looked at the husband and said 'I knew you when you loved the gospel more than anything in the world.' The husband said, 'I do now. I still do.' Then President Wedlock looked at the wife and said 'I knew you when you loved the gospel more than anything your life too.' And the wife said, 'I still do. I still love the gospel more than anything.' Then, very interestingly, the president looked at both of them and said, 'No you don't. You don't love the gospel enough to stay married for this earthly life - this little short time." [He then turns this logic on his wife and says] "Radene, do you think we love the gospel enough to live together for this short earthly life?"

I think we just missed the proper perspective on eternal marriage.

[After receiving some sage wisdom advice from a woman on the trip who divorced her first husband, married again, husband #2 dies, and then re-married the first husband - the wife comes to this realization] "I have chosen Clem and I will make this marriage work. Clem might never be a prophet, probably not even a bishop or stake president, but he is my husband. And whatever his mission, no matter how many games of golf he plays, I will be his wife as long as he wants me - through all eternity, if we can meet those requirements. If we ever part it will be Clem that leaves me."

Now I understand why men were sad about the women's movement. Our once great system - Carte Blanche power to get away with nearly anything - gone, done, finished. Hello diapers, dishes, pillow talk, HR department, Steel Magnolias and salty tears.

[On the subject of buying new clothes and travel] "I know clem makes me feel guilty if I want expensively tailored clothes. He says I sew so beautifully and he loves seeing a woman sew. I want to travel, and he says we can't afford it."

Last time I checked, golf is a pretty expesnive sport to play. If this guy was really golfing at least 4 to 8x per month he was spending at least close to $100/per month. And he has the stones to tell his wife to go sew her own clothes? In the 2000s, this guy could be considered the bravest man on earth.

To be fair here are some quotes that I thought were good and still hold true. [This is the sage wisdom from divorce-death-re-marriage gal] "It isn't necessary to like and do the same things to allow the other to have them. We don't have to have the same point of view to live together, just the same goals. We might be achieving our same goals in different ways." "Keep your goals in mind and remember, that which you cannot change, you change your attitude toward." "Comming home to a nagging husband or wife only makes each of us seek time away from each other."

I admit I got a good laugh out of some things in this book. But it make me think - Did philosophies change in the Church over the last 30 years to fit the times or have we just learned to live our religion better? Studying church history, looking at the lives of the prophets, I'd say we are living more closely to what the brethren taught and our prior attitudes were influenced from the overall environment.

Let me make it clear that I am all for single-income families, distinct roles, and the proper order of things - "equal partners" as the proclamation on the family states. I hope the shift in the last 30 years has been a push for men to realize that the Priesthood is the privilege to represent the Lord and to serve and your wife and children; who come first and should be our top priority.

P.S. I reserve the right to not have Julie throw this in my face the next time I whine about changing a diaper.