JJ Abrams is SAURON

This morning I was in the shower day dreaming or more accurately fantasizing... about the next Star Wars movies. And then like all good showers or baths, I had an epiphany! How does one man become the central force behind the two greatest sci-fi franchises of all time?

Black Magic & The Illuminati

Most of you recall the story of Sauron in the Lord of the Rings. He desired to rule the world (or at least the middle part of it) and forged several mystical rings that would be given as gifts to power hungry men, little people and supermodels. Secretly, he made a master ring to control all of them and revealed his evil to the world as the most powerful being alive... until someone cut his finger off and he exploded.

JRR Tolkien was not writing about some fake history in LOTR. He was attempting to uncover the methods by which the Illuminati enslave the world. Tolkien was lucky and got away with it; since up until recently, Fantasy novels where largely mocked and shunned by society. Stanley Kubrick blew the lid off the Illuminati in Eyes Wide Shut and was shortly killed thereafter. He had reached staggering heights in the film arts, had been allowed into the inner circle and tried to expose them through his work and paid the price.

Abrams is the puppet master. Using black magic (or blackmail) from the bizarre rituals depicted in Eyes Wide Shut, JJ used  the power of his ring to enslave several influential producers in Hollywood. He then took control of Star Trek and made it AWESOME furthering his hypnotic spell over not just his Nazgul producers, but the whole of Geekdom. There was one lone hold-out who seemed to be immune to any kind of criticism, manipulation or advice... George Lucas. Abrams used his Nazgul to remove the power structure at Disney by forcing the production of John Carter (a staggering defeat) so he could place Bob Iger (AKA the Witch King) at the head of Disney, the most powerful and magical place on earth (also controlled by the Illuminati). The stage was set to pressure Lucas into giving up the franchise and inexplicably relinquishing his power. Now that Abrams has control of Star Wars his grip on sending messages to BILLIONS will be unmatched. One Ring to to rule them all... AND IN THE DARKNESS OF THEATERS ACROSS THE WORLD BIND THEM!!!

This is usually where I go off on a rant and beg you three readers to wake up and fight this sadistic blood cult that is preparing for the New World Order after the oceans are flooded from their global warming scheme. But today, I've taken the bait and can't wait for the next move by our friends at the Illuminati. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Minimalist Mormon Housewives

A few days ago the Boss commented to me how much she enjoyed not having a ton of stuff on our walls. We've always been a house of mirrors and not much art work or pictures of our family. I used to chide her for our lack of displaying what is beautiful or the people we love in our lives. But recently, I've come to the opinion there is a trend in our culture regarding our beloved Domestic Engineers and its impact on our lives. The Collins Dictionary has a definition of this new lifestyle that goes beyond art/nick-nacks to what I'm talking about:

Minimalism: 3) design or style in which the simplest and fewest elements are used to create the maximum effect.  

Perhaps due to the depression and the nature of our economy changing to a service base, women are getting away from collecting or hoarding household goods and decorations. I grew up in a era where the more nick-nacks you had from Homemaking demonstrated your prowess as an LDS mother. Pictures and paintings of Gospel significance were everywhere. In my house, there was individual portraits of the kids in our main bathroom. (Just in case you forgot about who was making all that noise outside). In addition, your family needed to be involved in a TON of activities. I recall the Sunday night scheduling meeting where 50 things for that week were discussed and I watched my mother's blood pressure go through the roof. Back then, it was always more, more, and more. I know that sounds like today, but now we are heading in a different direction where "less" is supposed to be "more." Here are some examples of what I'm talking about:

• This is the information age where we are overloaded with too much stuff. The goal of most thoughtful people is how to cut through the haze of information/opportunities to what matters most. A talk by Elder Oaks is often simply referenced almost like WWJD in our culture --- Is it Good, Better or Best?
• Cut out the fat. I suppose this has been going on for ages, but these days, controlling your eating/weight/food has nearly endless ideas on Pinterest and MMB's (Mormon Mommy Blogs) or just food blogs. Some are all about cutting everything out of your eating life to look minimalist or maximizing your cuisine to eat the tastiest things ever made, just not all the time (sorry to The Girl who "reportedly" Ate Everything and Pioneer Woman). 
• Last Christmas I ordered a subscription for the Boss to the magazine Real Simple. Its a monthly magazine of about 300 pages detailing how to simplify your life. The physically oxymoronic nature of this magazine still cracks me up but I know many women love to dive into its pages seeking ways to simplify their lives and breathe easier.  
• De-clutter. Along the lines of Real Simple, this is a mantra I often hear repeated by DE's at various church and social functions. "Guess how much stuff I got rid of last weekend!" (audible gasps and approvals). Can you imagine hearing that as a kid? Its all too easy these days to walk out of Target with hoards of goods and later wonder where did all this stuff come from? This is a consumption culture. Here are a few lines of sage wisdom from Tyler Durden in favor of minimalism: 

• "Do you know what a duvet is? It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Now why do guys like you and me know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival, in the hunter-gatherer sense of the word? No. What are we then? Right. We are consumers. We're the bi-products of a lifestyle obsession."
• "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."
• "The things you own end up owning you."

• Christmas. In yesteryear, conversations about how to cut-back on Christmas presents would have been unconscionable  Now they are common. We know we are drowning in the piles of stuff we consume, but can't seem to break the cycle and the happiest day of the year is a painful time to take our medicine, but we've got to start showing kids that presents don't equal love and acceptance.
• Never enough time. I wont' say more so I don't run out of it.
• My mom used to come home with stuff from Homemaking, but I rarely see the Boss bring anything home from Relief Society activities. (maybe its just her?)    
• Going digital. Thanks to smartphones, computers, internet, etc. we can now keep our schedules, photos and STUFF in one convenient place, often small enough to fit in the palm of our hand. Virtual British women enslaved and given the name Siri are at your beck and call to find recipes, give you directions, look up answers to kid's homework.
• My house is all now various shades of white/grey with little "pops" of color. The words traditional, open, fresh, clean and crisp were often used during our remodel. Open it up, maximize the space, but don't fill it with crap. Sounds like a mantra for life. 

I believe the principles of minimalism will help us maximize our happiness in our information and consumption saturated world. But we seem to be failing. I'm overwhelmed and you are probably feeling that way too. Life should be about the journey and not the destination or stuff we have. Perhaps our children will take our minimalist reformation we've started and really make the tough choices that we can't --- Just one TV in the house? Uniforms at public schools? 2-3 meaningful presents for Christmas? No video games? One car and the rest bikes? Debit only and no credit cards? It could go on but I've got to get to work to pay for our minimalist lifestyle. If anything, the obscene amount of money I've spent over the last year has re-confirmed the notion that money and material possessions will not make you happy. This whole minimalist business should be pointed at men as well. Time for me to get with the reformation (and quit writing such long blog posts). I open my arms to this new era of Mormon Domestic Engineering and hope it allows us to experience  maximum, joy, productivity, relaxation and happiness .