Bruce, Jeff Holland, The Last Jedi & Jerome - Pt 4

This is the last in my 4 part series. I've known what I wanted to say for awhile now, but its tough to say so I've been putting it off. Let's talk about what happened to Luke in the Last Jedi.

Prior to this episode the last time we see Luke, he's a triumphant Jedi who just defeated all the evil in his life and is ready to build a new future. He's unstoppable, he's tough, wise and going to forge a peaceful future for the galaxy.

Fans like me read fan fiction about him becoming stupid powerful later in life. But the reality Luke gets in The Last Jedi is much less ideal. Some good years; followed by failure and exile, turning his back on everything. Some fans were understandably outraged their hero was brought low.

While I wouldn't have complained about a movie where Luke would be outrageously powerful; the realities of raising the next generation are more grey and complex than just battling your own monsters. Luke came up against the monster you can't kill: someone else's freedom of choice.

As I understand it...  Ben (Kylo) had been corrupted by Snoke and sent to Luke by Leah and Han to save him. And in a moment of weakness; he wanted to be that monster slaying hero one more time and almost chose to kill Ben. But this just pushed Ben into darkness further. Kylo then kills off his students; burns down the house and Luke decides its best to stop trying so damn hard.

People are flawed and the Force will be just fine without Jedi trying to keep all these rules and codes that just lead to failure, misery and unhappiness.

Any of this sound familiar in real life? 

I came home from my mission; got married and thought I was on top of the world. Slayed my monsters, ready to build my own empire of peace and justice. I thought I could do this just as well as some general authority... I was wrong. I bought into a couple of lies that crippled me and slowly wore me down to look and act just like Luke.

Many men in my culture and most in general have an understanding that they are responsible for 3 things (the 3 P's) in their life and family:

• Provide
• Protect
• Preside

Like anything, a lack or excess of any of these things can lead to a tremendous amount of heartache. But the lie above is that item 3 is wrong. Lie #1:

"Following the 3 P's means you are fulfilling your purpose in life"

False. My family doesn't need me to preside like some patriarchal monarch with the last word and the golden compass leading us to the promised land. God sets the direction and the commandments. Leadership to follow must be shared with your wife and done in unity. What your family and wife really need are:

• Provide
• Protect
• Be Present

Most of the tragedies told about fathers is that they were never around, present, engaged, available, vulnerable. This applies physically, emotionally and spiritually. Heck Kylo Ren cites this as his major disappointment in his father. No wonder he goes all nuts with hatred when Luke abandons him and the rest of the Galaxy as well! 

I've always wanted to Be Present with my family, but I let Providing get out of control because I bought into a sinister lie that I've heard time and time again but never realized I was doing it. Lie #2: 

"You can buy anything in this world with money."

Deep down, I thought if I made enough money; one day I could afford to be fully present with my wife, family and friends. 

I thought that showing up at the critical moments and appointed times was good enough, but my family and friends could feel the stress rolling off me in waves. I was exhausted, unhappy and sarcastic. Even if that guy is around, do you really want him around? Shoot I didn't even want him around. I don't think I ever truly got suicidal, but I began to think the only honorable way to slow down and be happy and still provide (buy anything in this world with money) would require my death and life insurance. Car crash, plane going down, whatever. But I know what its like to grow up without a father and I'm not going to do that to my kids. 

So yeah, I'll admit it. I was and still am scared to be vulnerable. To possibly not have enough "power to do anything" and spend actual large amounts of time as plain ol me with my wife and kids. Would they still love me if I wasn't providing the power to do everything? They said that was true for years but I was too scared to truly listen and change. Its taken some very difficult choices by Jules to get me to wake up and realize how far gone I'd become. 

A bitter old man, working on an island, emotionally and spiritually isolated from everyone because I think I'm doing them a favor by providing them money without all the messiness my personality brings to the situation. I felt the same way about my parents. They were so busy with so many important and righteous things that it was just better if I gave them what I thought they wanted and got out of the way. This led to Lie #3:

"Being absent is giving the people you are closest to the best gift of all; freedom." 

Wow. That is one sad core belief. 

I'm sorry brought that baggage into my own marriage and family. I've repeated so many mistakes I saw in others that I swore I'd never make. 

Luke woke up from the lies he allowed to become core beliefs and made some sacrifices to finally be present in the lives of people he should have been there for. Yeah, I shed a tear or two when I watched him die, staring into that beautiful sunset knowing he had changed, no matter the cost, to right those wrongs, show the people closest to him that he really loved them and be at peace. 

Likewise, I have that choice in my present state state of affairs. A gift. An opportunity to slow down, risk not having "power" in favor of authentic time in the lives of those most precious to me. No strings attached. Just enjoying the precious gift that is my God given life. It won't be perfect, but it will be enough and I'll be at peace.