Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Condor Man - Best Disney Movie Ever!!!

Many of you are probably not familiar with this film. So will now fulfill my purpose to expose you to the great hidden jems of the 80s. As a boy under the age of 5 I was enthralled with this show. Does it get any better than Michael Crawford (Phantom of the Opera) trotting the globe as a CIA created super hero battling the KGB at the peak of Cold War awesomeness? The theme song makes me feel 5 all over again.

2011 BONUS - Now I can enjoy literally every second due to its unintentional comedy factor. Get set for some serious Porsche Death Squad action. Enjoy!!







Its a pure shame Walt never lived to see this film made...

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Illuminati Blood Cults and Christmas Eve

Thanks to an idea from The Shaunz this evening I discovered that my family has been missing essential Christmas Eve protection for nearly 40 years. A common tradition for some families and communities is to display luminaries on Christmas Eve. These are paper bags filled with sand and tea candles which create a nice "illuminated" effect.


We tell our children these bags act like lights along a runway so Santa can land at our house. However such a tradition is obscenely false.

What is the real reason people set out these dangerous bags of light? People may have a host of concocted notions, but in my usual custom of giving you the Straight Dope, I will now lay some deep, secret knowledge on you.

According to Wikipedia, the modern incarnation of Santa Clause got popular around 1820. We now have a depiction of a man with supernatural powers including flight, use of subatomic space to store 50 billion presents in one bag and quasi-omniscience to know if everyone is "naughty or nice." Does this sound like a force to be reckoned with? Absolutely!

You're probably thinking "But Santa is a nice guy! He's not evil. He brings us presents and is a symbol of Christmas. HOW DARE YOU DEFAME ST. NICK!!!"

Its all a cover up for Santa's real purpose. He uses those previously mentioned powers to eliminate enemies of the Illuminati. Think of him as their personal hit man. The chief of a ruthless and efficient Blood Cult. The red and white that he wears? Symbolic of the blood he spills and the bones he crushes. The present he brings? A quick death. Why the reindeer? They eat the carcasses of the slain. Through black magic, this gives them the power of flight.

Sure Santa may distribute a few gifts here and there to keep up the facade. But don't be fooled. Since 1820 the NWO run by the Illuminati has been bumping off those that get in their way via a "present from Santa."

But to those willing to invoke symbolism of the Illuminati there is protection. As long as you geek out over Dan Brown novels and act like all their symbolic stuff is really important, you are bowing the knee and they will not view you as a threat. So for nearly 100 years people have set out flammable paper bags with candles in them as a sign for Santa to pass by their house as they pay tribute to the NWO of the Illuminati (headquartered in DIA http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2011/10/dia-will-become-world-headquarters-of.html).

As with any Blood Cult, they are doing the opposite of Biblical precedent. Moses told the children of Israel to mark their doors with the blood of an unblemished lamb so that the Destroying Angel would pass them by. The NWO is simply trying to use the same tactic to their own nefarious ends and preserve their followers.

Of course I'm not the only one who is onto this. The folks a Futurama obviously know about the North Pole Blood Cult, but are afraid to tell the whole truth like I've just done. So they act like sometime in the future a robot Santa gone rouge will terrorize the world each Xmas. Look it up if you want.


Hopefully the information in this post will save your family from impending slaughter and the hands of the Blood Cultists up north. Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Ultimate Polar Express Analysis

Earlier this month, I attended a viewing of the Polar Express at an IMAX theater for a charity event. This is a movie that typically plays in my house every year, but due to the hustle and bustle of the season I've never really sat down and focused on it like this. As I watched, I realized this movie is loaded with symbolism and has a great message for both kids and adults without getting too preachy. Please note I'm assuming you gentle readers have seen the movie, otherwise this may be tough to follow.


The story centers around a boy who has doubts about Santa Claus. His parent's remark it is the "end of the magic" for their son. He has lost his faith, wants to believe but can't get over his doubts. Just as he is about to drift off to sleep on Christmas Eve, he is awakened by the Polar Express. The Conductor invites him onto a train which takes him on a journey to the north pole to meet Santa and rekindle his faith. During the story, the boy encounters various children on the train, as well as the Conductor, a Hobo (ghost), Engineers and later in the North Pole, the Big Man himself. Let's start with the kids and the Parable of the Sower (see Matt 13).
  1. Boy / Know-it-all / Wayside - This kid is so proud of his intellect focused on showing others how smart he is that he can't appreciate the magic of the ride or help anyone else (2NE 9:28-29). The word just bounces off this guy. The only cure for this is to LEARN to be humble - as the Conductor rightfully put onto his ticket for the journey home. 
  2. Boy / Poor & Dejected / Stony Places - This kid has had a hard life on the wrong side of the tracks. Christmas or faith just doesn't work out for him after many disappointing experiences. He has no hope due to all of the rocks in his life and the word cannot get into his heart. In fact, he will won't even sit with the other kids once on the train and enjoy the ride because he thinks his rocks make him less important.
  3. Boy - Protagonist / Lost his Faith / Thorns - The central character is doubting the reality of Santa. The Hobo taunts him saying you don't want to be duped, bamboozled, taken for a fool. This boy has let the cares of the world and how he looks to others take over. The Conductor invites him to simply BELIEVE and not let what other think bother him. He follows this counsel through the rest of his life. 
  4. Girl / Christmas Cheer / Good Ground - Isn't it interesting to note that it is the female gender that just naturally gets it? She cares about others: listens to them, helps them feel welcome, shares (hot chocolate), sings with the boy (fellowship) and help the Conductor with the train. Most of all, she can hear the bell even when its not in sight or seemingly far away. Everyone is better off due to the part she played in the story. The Conductor invites her to LEAD the way and let her light shine. 
Onto the next set of symbolic characters: Conductor, Hobo and Santa - or the Godhead.
  1. Hobo / Holy Ghost - This guy initially seems scary and identifies himself as a ghost. He plays on the boy's doubts, "seeing is believing" but ultimately helps him along the way and saves his life. (I admit its not a perfect allegory, but close enough).
  2. Conductor / Jesus Christ - He brings children to Santa's presence and acts as the Mediator. He is helped by the Ghost and teaches important lessons to the children and offers the only passageway into the kingdom.
  3. Santa / God the Father - Represents the source of all good gifts and the spirit of Christmas. Other than the gifts he brings to us (unseen), the only way we can enjoy his presence is through  the Conductor.    
Interesting that all three of these characters are played by the same actor, by design and not to be cheap or to aggrandize Tom Hanks (well, maybe just a little bit). 

Finally, the key symbol in this film is the Bell. Throughout the movie, the boy cannot hear the bell because he has no faith. Despite everything the Ghost and the Conductor did for him in getting him to the heart of the North Pole, he still had trouble believing. I think we are often the same way with all of the gifts and blessings we have in our lives and yet because of the rocks in our garden or the cares and thorns of the world, we cannot hear or feel the music of the soul. After realizing he may not be able to see Santa due to the crowds, the boy picks up the bell (his faith) and musters his desire to believe, letting go of confirmation by sight. That act of faith invites the music into his life and Santa suddenly appears visible in the reflection of the bell. By exercising our faith, we can have God's presence not only near us, but within us, which is what makes great music so wonderful.

Many of us have had a great spiritual experience where our faith was rewarded. But once again as the cares of the world set in, we forget to hold on tight to our bell and hear the music. When it is gone, we are sad and may even despair that we can't get it back. But just when all hope seems lost, the gift returns to us by God's grace or a Divine Gift. Santa returning the bell shows how mindful God is of each of us individually. 

The boy learned his lesson well and retained the music in his heart for the rest of his life, even when others lost faith (Alma 5:26).

That may be the best message of all in this story. Being able to increase our childlike faith through the years. Taking the spirit and music of Christmas beyond the season and sharing it with others.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Monday, December 12, 2011

Mile High Magic

Once again the Denver Broncos football TEAM wins after an inexplicable comeback. Hats off to Matt Prater, who was the MVP in my mind. Was Tebow great in the 4th quarter and OT? Absolutely. Did the Broncos get lucky? Of course.

Tebow should put Marion Barber on his Christmas Card list and thank Cutler and Forte for getting hurt. Let's not forget Charles Barkley for invoking more underdog karma on Tebow as well:

“I want to make a personal plea to Lance Briggs, Brian Urlacher, Mr. [Julius] Peppers, please stop the madness,” Barkley said Friday on ”The Waddle & Silvy Show” on ESPN 1000. “I’m just so tired … I like Tim Tebow. He seems like a good kid, and I wish him success, but I am Tebowed out. So this is my personal plea for you three guys, please stop this madness.”

[Tuhrrible, just tuhrrible]

Anyone who thinks God really cares about this team winning is nuts. Our players are starting to talk like its divine intervention. I'm sure some of the Bear's players said their prayers too. I get frustrated when players act like God is favoring them and find it bordering on sacrilege. I appreciate their desire to give God the glory and honor him, but when you start saying he likes you better than the next guy, I draw the line. Acts 10:34 - God is no respecter of persons.

I will concede that divine intervention may occur if it serves a higher purpose. At the least, it is a huge media story that focuses on a young man who is unafraid to talk about Jesus Christ, his faith and how it impacts his life. Perhaps God is letting all of us see the formula at work: Faith + Intense Effort = Miracles. Its a great message to have around during the Christmas season and in a world with plenty of economic and social unrest.

I will say it here and now: if Denver wins the Super Bowl, it will be the biggest sports story of all time. I still feel like I'm watching a movie every week. Heck, I could see a Moneyball type of film being made out of this season alone. The lock-out, Elway and Fox taking over, disastrous training camp, Orton getting benched, the billboards around town, the Miami comeback which was effectively a homecoming for Tebow, the list goes on... At least make this movie as an addendum to the 30 for 30 series.

Now for my Nostra-fletch-a-damus predictions.

  1. The Broncos loose to the Patriots next week. Why? See my prior post about Tom Brady's hair. Tebow still can't touch that. http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2011/10/hair-power-responsibility.html
  2. Broncos win the division (not a big surprise)
  3. Broncos loose in the first round of the playoffs - the intensity of those games requires four quarters of  your best effort. We clearly can't do that yet. 
Until next week with 2 minutes to go...