Recently my wife hosted a Mary Kay party. During this time I was relegated to tap
ing Smallville, and watching re-runs of Oprah and Dr. Oz. Throughout the answers to questions about cellulite and skin cancer I overheard this constant "Awww" sound coming downstairs. Usually, I'm in the middle of such situations so I hear the actual words and don't focus on the "Awww". Alone in my thoughts I realized it is the sound of women being cute to each other. It is the sound of masks, manners and manipulation. It is the sound of female honesty, designed to do one thing. Get men in trouble.
No man can live up to the principles of female honesty. Why? Becuase we don't have a ton of estrogen, a crazy, irrational, emotional streak, and a capacity to follow 1,000,000,000 flowery rules simultaneously. Perhaps the 10 Commandments were more for men than women. We can't handle any more than that.
Case Study: Man's answer to PHD. I recently listened to an FM talk show that featured a castrated man apologizing for calling his wife's recent hair cut "fine". The woman was suffering from PHD (Post haircut/style Depression). She wanted her man to say something like "good, great, wonderful, beautiful" etc. In the world of emotions, fine is a word that couples use to end arguments. FINE!! In the dictionary, fine is an adjective meaning: "of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade, choice, excellent, or admirable". This is a perfect example of the superiority of cultural context in language. This guy got hung out to dry on city-wide radio because he failed to live up to a bogus notion of honesty. Was he trying to be cruel or insensitive? No, he simply thought the hair looked good, nothing amazing, but definitely not bad. To say more or less would have been dishonest in my opinion.
Let's say that God came to visit you at your house. How would he respond to the question "How do I look?". I don't presume to know the answer, but I strongly feel that he would not be looking at your clothes when answering the question. He would look at the heart, the intent and soul of the person. What would he say to you if you asked him this question? I believe that we should try to follow God's example in all things (and for the record I'm not great at it, but I try). So when my wife asks me "how do I look? or what do you think of my hair?" What should I be focusing on? The outward appearance? In this context, I think I would say "you look beautiful" and that would be an honest answer. Even if she was wearing grey sweat pants, white sneakers and flock of sea-gulls hair-do. She is the love of my life. I love her regardless of hair, clothes, etc.
So why is it that when most men give their Ladies an honest answer: "good, fine, beautiful, great" they get this "exhale" from the woman and she goes looking for another woman's opinion? GUYS, WHEN YOU MARRY A WOMAN, YOUR OPINION NO LONGER COUNTS. This is because IF she knows you really love her, she can no longer use your opinion. Here is the example:
Sometimes when you are a kid, your mom gives you a compliment and you brush it off, because you think "my mom loves me and will always tell me something nice - I want the truth!" WRONG!!! You had the "real" truth from mom, you just want your pride gratified. You want that feeling of being praised and adored by others. So you go and get it. And if you don't you will be offended by anyone who is less than gushing. I think this applies to men as well, but in terms of work, physical ability, etc. Women want validation from their own set of rules and not the genuine ones. Hence, no man can live in the land of 1,000,000,000 rules and not get shot.
What I don't understand is why women would accept such watered-down, bogus and fake compliments all the time? Who wants to live a life where you are not sure if anyone is ever telling the truth? ESPECIALLY WITH REGARDS TO THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE? How can one expect to never be offended? Everyone should just "know better". I'm not saying its okay to give cruel comments to people. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything or find something that you do like and comment on that.
Last example. The phone voice. How many times have you had your mother, wife, sister
etc. yelling at you, hear the phone ring and flick an internal switch and answer with this honey sweet "hello?... Oh hi!! ... yes!... sure! ... okay mmm buh-bye" and then go right back slamming their fist down your throat? The phone voice almost always cracks me up. If I were are woman, I'd have sappiest phone voice ever. I once heard a man say: "Sweetie, I'll do anything you ask me to; if you'll ask me in your phone voice".
The sum of my rant? GIVE US MEN A BREAK!!! We cannot possibly live up to the 1,000,000,000 rules. If you need your ego waxed, go find someone who plays the game. When you want the straight "loving" dope, come to your man.
For another blog on this topic visit: http://jmdougherty.blogspot.com
ing Smallville, and watching re-runs of Oprah and Dr. Oz. Throughout the answers to questions about cellulite and skin cancer I overheard this constant "Awww" sound coming downstairs. Usually, I'm in the middle of such situations so I hear the actual words and don't focus on the "Awww". Alone in my thoughts I realized it is the sound of women being cute to each other. It is the sound of masks, manners and manipulation. It is the sound of female honesty, designed to do one thing. Get men in trouble.
No man can live up to the principles of female honesty. Why? Becuase we don't have a ton of estrogen, a crazy, irrational, emotional streak, and a capacity to follow 1,000,000,000 flowery rules simultaneously. Perhaps the 10 Commandments were more for men than women. We can't handle any more than that.Case Study: Man's answer to PHD. I recently listened to an FM talk show that featured a castrated man apologizing for calling his wife's recent hair cut "fine". The woman was suffering from PHD (Post haircut/style Depression). She wanted her man to say something like "good, great, wonderful, beautiful" etc. In the world of emotions, fine is a word that couples use to end arguments. FINE!! In the dictionary, fine is an adjective meaning: "of superior or best quality; of high or highest grade, choice, excellent, or admirable". This is a perfect example of the superiority of cultural context in language. This guy got hung out to dry on city-wide radio because he failed to live up to a bogus notion of honesty. Was he trying to be cruel or insensitive? No, he simply thought the hair looked good, nothing amazing, but definitely not bad. To say more or less would have been dishonest in my opinion.
Let's say that God came to visit you at your house. How would he respond to the question "How do I look?". I don't presume to know the answer, but I strongly feel that he would not be looking at your clothes when answering the question. He would look at the heart, the intent and soul of the person. What would he say to you if you asked him this question? I believe that we should try to follow God's example in all things (and for the record I'm not great at it, but I try). So when my wife asks me "how do I look? or what do you think of my hair?" What should I be focusing on? The outward appearance? In this context, I think I would say "you look beautiful" and that would be an honest answer. Even if she was wearing grey sweat pants, white sneakers and flock of sea-gulls hair-do. She is the love of my life. I love her regardless of hair, clothes, etc.
So why is it that when most men give their Ladies an honest answer: "good, fine, beautiful, great" they get this "exhale" from the woman and she goes looking for another woman's opinion? GUYS, WHEN YOU MARRY A WOMAN, YOUR OPINION NO LONGER COUNTS. This is because IF she knows you really love her, she can no longer use your opinion. Here is the example:
Sometimes when you are a kid, your mom gives you a compliment and you brush it off, because you think "my mom loves me and will always tell me something nice - I want the truth!" WRONG!!! You had the "real" truth from mom, you just want your pride gratified. You want that feeling of being praised and adored by others. So you go and get it. And if you don't you will be offended by anyone who is less than gushing. I think this applies to men as well, but in terms of work, physical ability, etc. Women want validation from their own set of rules and not the genuine ones. Hence, no man can live in the land of 1,000,000,000 rules and not get shot.
What I don't understand is why women would accept such watered-down, bogus and fake compliments all the time? Who wants to live a life where you are not sure if anyone is ever telling the truth? ESPECIALLY WITH REGARDS TO THE MEN IN YOUR LIFE? How can one expect to never be offended? Everyone should just "know better". I'm not saying its okay to give cruel comments to people. If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything or find something that you do like and comment on that.
Last example. The phone voice. How many times have you had your mother, wife, sister
etc. yelling at you, hear the phone ring and flick an internal switch and answer with this honey sweet "hello?... Oh hi!! ... yes!... sure! ... okay mmm buh-bye" and then go right back slamming their fist down your throat? The phone voice almost always cracks me up. If I were are woman, I'd have sappiest phone voice ever. I once heard a man say: "Sweetie, I'll do anything you ask me to; if you'll ask me in your phone voice".The sum of my rant? GIVE US MEN A BREAK!!! We cannot possibly live up to the 1,000,000,000 rules. If you need your ego waxed, go find someone who plays the game. When you want the straight "loving" dope, come to your man.
For another blog on this topic visit: http://jmdougherty.blogspot.com