Illuminati Blood Cults and Christmas Eve

Thanks to an idea from The Shaunz this evening I discovered that my family has been missing essential Christmas Eve protection for nearly 40 years. A common tradition for some families and communities is to display luminaries on Christmas Eve. These are paper bags filled with sand and tea candles which create a nice "illuminated" effect.

We tell our children these bags act like lights along a runway so Santa can land at our house. However such a tradition is obscenely false.

What is the real reason people set out these dangerous bags of light? People may have a host of concocted notions, but in my usual custom of giving you the Straight Dope, I will now lay some deep, secret knowledge on you.

According to Wikipedia, the modern incarnation of Santa Clause got popular around 1820. We now have a depiction of a man with supernatural powers including flight, use of subatomic space to store 50 billion presents in one bag and quasi-omniscience to know if everyone is "naughty or nice." Does this sound like a force to be reckoned with? Absolutely!

You're probably thinking "But Santa is a nice guy! He's not evil. He brings us presents and is a symbol of Christmas. HOW DARE YOU DEFAME ST. NICK!!!"

Its all a cover up for Santa's real purpose. He uses those previously mentioned powers to eliminate enemies of the Illuminati. Think of him as their personal hit man. The chief of a ruthless and efficient Blood Cult. The red and white that he wears? Symbolic of the blood he spills and the bones he crushes. The present he brings? A quick death. Why the reindeer? They eat the carcasses of the slain. Through black magic, this gives them the power of flight.

Sure Santa may distribute a few gifts here and there to keep up the facade. But don't be fooled. Since 1820 the NWO run by the Illuminati has been bumping off those that get in their way via a "present from Santa."

But to those willing to invoke symbolism of the Illuminati there is protection. As long as you geek out over Dan Brown novels and act like all their symbolic stuff is really important, you are bowing the knee and they will not view you as a threat. So for nearly 100 years people have set out flammable paper bags with candles in them as a sign for Santa to pass by their house as they pay tribute to the NWO of the Illuminati (headquartered in DIA http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2011/10/dia-will-become-world-headquarters-of.html).

As with any Blood Cult, they are doing the opposite of Biblical precedent. Moses told the children of Israel to mark their doors with the blood of an unblemished lamb so that the Destroying Angel would pass them by. The NWO is simply trying to use the same tactic to their own nefarious ends and preserve their followers.

Of course I'm not the only one who is onto this. The folks a Futurama obviously know about the North Pole Blood Cult, but are afraid to tell the whole truth like I've just done. So they act like sometime in the future a robot Santa gone rouge will terrorize the world each Xmas. Look it up if you want.

Hopefully the information in this post will save your family from impending slaughter and the hands of the Blood Cultists up north. Merry Christmas!