Why Speed Racer Bombed

I was recently invited to view Speed Racer by a fellow blogger who loved it. I was under the impression the movie was a terrible failure. Why? It scored a 36% on the Rotten Tomatoes meter (compiles hundreds of critics reviews), where good films usually score above 75%. Basically, 36% on this scale is an F---- and no, that's not a swear word. Box Office Mojo reports a production budget of $120M and the total wold-wide gross was $98M. That doesn't include likely marketing costs of $30, which would wipe out any pitiful DVD sales, making this a $30 to $50M mistake.



Was this movie that bad? No. This flick was misguided on its target audience. The W-Bros shot for a PG rated, kid friendly film, but tried to throw in serious messages about death, and devilish corporations, a cocktail that is sure to cause a hang-over for a 10-year old. Another major problem, this movie had Jar-Jar Binks syndrome with the kid and his chimp (Major Death Knell).

The answers to making this film gross near $200M are simple.

• Keep the action, the pacing, the beautiful and vivid cinematography, even the fighting cars. Suspending reality is not the problem.
• Less CGI would be helpful - it would loose the Jar-Jar/Starwars "nothing is real" feel
  
• Get rid of the kid and his monkey or make them very minor characters
  
• Drop 20 F-bombs and 10 S-bombs to make plenty of "tough guy" racing talk
• Throw in two totally unnecessary nude scenes and a gratuitous sex scene
• Embrace the Mortal Kombat factor: show genuine blood and violence
• Give us death: make several drivers die per race, none of this saved by foam egg stuff
• Have Speed sign a contract to race for Team Obama and "Change" - we love that word.
  

You guessed it! I'm saying any movie can be saved by a bunch of sex and violence. Go team Satan! The W-Bros should have embraced the corporate demonized ideology they rail on. Here are some typical corporate strategies to market a movie:

• Swear words make most of us feel grown up, real, respected and intelligent.
• How many guys have sat through excruciatingly boring films if they thought there was a slight chance of some nudity?
• Death always makes things more entertaining. 300 got this right.
• Buckets of blood make people happy. Once again, 300 got this right.
• Railing on corporations is much more accepted in R-rated films (Wall-e being the exception). IE - Fast Food Nation, Fight Club, Erin Brockovich, Any Given Sunday, Boiler Room, to name a few

So, if you don't want to see a bunch of sex and brutal violence, can get past Jar-Jar and enjoy tons of CGI action, this movie is for you and possibly your kids.

P.S. - Perhaps they should have just made this a really cool video game and scraped the movie.
P.P.S - Death Race stunk too and it apparently had all of my R-rated recommendations. Perhaps nothing could save this movie. Maybe Americans just hate Japanese Anime adaptation. Look out Dragon Ball Z!

P.P.P.S - I adored the pancake scene: "Pancakes are love."