Here's how my list will be executed. There is $12.4 Billion in funding from Barry's stimulus package for a "Concern for Career Control Panel" in Los Angeles, otherwise known as the C.C.C.P. Naturally the folks in Hollywood will march right into it. Here are the first targets they'll pursue with the unassailable might of their money (in order from least to wost):
- Brett Farve - I've mentioned him before on this site. Man-Crush drives me nuts. He should have quit after the first retirement announcement. $50 says the current retirement announcement doesn't stick.
- Ozzy Osborne - Don't you feel bad for this guy? He mumbles around like a crazed idiot whenever I see him on TV. He recently cancelled his 2009 Ozzfest to make a new album. Heavy Metal is a young man's genre. At 61, you are done making metal. Sit down Ozzy, enjoy the spoils and quit ruining your "Total, Metal" legacy.
- Verne Troyer - Best known as "Mini-me" needs to quit or wait for the next Willow sequel to happen. Yes, I somehow finished the Love Guru and this guy has outlasted his usefulness. You know when a sex tape leaks out about you, and its the only thing you have going, its time to quit.
- Maddona - Her ex-husband said it best: "You look like a grandma up there with your back-up dancers" Don't preach, you're in trouble deep. There's no greater power than the power of... Goodbye.
- Sly Stallone - I've railed on him in the past in my Rocky Balboa post. At least that film was respectable. The resurrection of Rambo? No. The guy just looks like he's made out of plastic and those dog-gone eyebrows continue to annoy me. It was a good career. Stallone gave me some of my favorite childhood movie memories with Rocky, but his time to be an action star has passed. Its as though we are watching the Russian beat him to a pulp and Apollo's ex-trainer is yelling: "Throw the towel!!! Throw the damn towel!!!"
2 comments:
John Elway
Need I say more? Honestly, other than being a deadbeat husband and some other interesting tidbits, he won two Super Bowls and rode off into the sunset . . .
Well said. Some commented they were supprised that David Hasselhoff didn't make my list. The way I see it, his career has made a comback in recent years. Anyone with the moxie to start a Myspace knock-off where people just talk about you is rad.
Post a Comment