Tangled & Choked-up

Disney and the Princess movie are back! [Did I just say that?] This movie is outstanding entertainment. El-Burr and I just went to see this on our daddy-daughter date and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I don't think Disney has put together a movie of this caliber since Beauty and the Beast. The songs were very enjoyable, clever and Alan Menken did a fantastic job. The animation seemed flawless and the visuals were beautiful.  MAXIMUS the stallion kept me laughing throughout. Go ahead and poke fun at me. This is a classic. [Am I still a bit excited over a princess movie?]

Any cons with this film? Only one...

I'm sick and tired of getting choked up in these Disney/Pixar animated cartoons. At least these 3-D movies come in a very dark room. I did my best to suppress my sniffles so the random dad next to me wouldn't elbow me in the face for being such a pansy. The boss wasn't there so I got no wife points, and I'm pretty sure most little girls find these "awkward" moments as a sign of weakness and I'll loose my disciplinary power. But thankfully no one seemed to notice. Between that boat sequence and the end, I was a mess.

On a whole, this movie represents Disney finally catching up with Pixar magic and Shrek humor and hitting a home run. Two thumbs up, 4-stars, slap-my-knee and call me silly, feel good movie. Hope you all enjoy it as much as I did.

Deathly Hallows Part 1

Get out your oranges and water bottles. Its half-time in the DEATHLY HALLOWS SAGA. HP&THD 1 is a great film. Should it be enshrined in the Pantheon of great movies on its own? No. But for the role it plays in the franchise, I couldn't expect much more.

The action was well done, pacing kept me interested but never overwhelmed. By breaking this into 2 parts, more time was spent on character development allowing the film to convey a bit more emotion than some prior installments. Having read the books, I'm more interested in adaptation choices rather than the actual movie since nothing compares to the book. ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE SERIES, JUST DO IT. For example, the use of Hedwig was actually a very clever way to move the plot forward without having to explain some complicated ideas from the book.

If anyone is under-used in this film, it is Voldermort. The terror of him being summoned by death eaters, hot on Harry's trail made for some of the greatest suspense in the book, but that element is lacking in this film. Especially at Godric's Hollow and in Malfoy Manor. But I've come to accept the movies will never be as good as my imagination and I'm still quite pleased with the end results. Plus, let's not forget that down the road, the HP series will go to Blu-ray and have extended editions, similar to LOTR, which I really enjoyed.

The only genuinely lame thing in the movie is the Harry/Hermione NCMO. That could possibly be the most surprising thing I've seen in the movies. Just seemed completely off key with the spirit of the books. I read that David Yeats told the actors the first take was too chaste it needed to be more "pagan and mad." Right... I'd rather they earn a PG-13 with more of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named rather than tawdry naked necking.

I was considering taking the Lizard to see this, but after this first viewing I don't think many kids under 10-12 would handle it well.

My favorite thing about this film? The humor! Despite this being the low point for our protagonists, there were plenty of laughs and I think that is why I liked it better than installments 5 and 6. The final act should give the last 1/4 of the book all its due and I'm really looking forward to it. So I'll keep pounding the orange wedges and see you next summer.

More Trailer Mash-ups

Tanks to Mr. D. 'nother great "trailer" fir Dumb & Dumber has been brought to mines attention and I now share it wit yall:

But this one is just SICK:

And finally, the real Jane Austin Plot to her timeless classic:

Hope you all enjoyed this sampling. Now go eat a cheese pie in your dog house.

The Dog House

I've seen this before, but the Mac Daddy recently brought it to my attention again and I now share it with you.



Perhaps some of you are disappointed that I don't have a bunch of misogynistic things to say about this. I heartily disprove of the idea that buying diamonds should make prior transgressions go away. This leads men to think women are whores that can be bought off at the right price (http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2010/02/stop-patronizing-me.html).

Personally, I love the brainwashing voice in the background and the cheese pie joke. Classic. HAPPY SHOPPING SEASON EVERYONE!!!

Superman Quits AKA Megamind

Welcome back gentle reader for another edition of my fried froth on mainstream media. Yesterday in an attempt to save money, I exploded the back window of the Acura. One could say I was at fault, but I've come to the conclusion that everything connected to a major financial decision that took place in Las Vegas is cursed. So therefore, Las Vegas destroyed my rear window yesterday while changing the lifts. I shall not elaborate further. One must use creative thoughts to discover how I did it, where... and with what!

Thanks to a planned multi-princess ride through downtown followed by dinner at the carb factory, it had to be fixed ASAP. So I made an appointment at a shop and took kids #1 and #2 with me, thinking it would only be 20-30 mins. WRONG. I was told over 2 hours. I had to think quickly. I was near the hood with small children and nothing to do for 2 hours. What did I do to burn time? Walked around the corner and took the kids to see MEGAMIND. But after watching the film, I think it should be called: Superman Quits. Remember Superman Returns? The plot for that film should have been made from the plot of Megamind.

From the trailers most of you know this is about an adorable evil genius who thinks he's destroyed his nemesis Metroman. Alas, without opposition in all things, Megamind realizes his life is nothing so he creates a new hero to battle but fails and makes things worse. But thanks to the help of an intelligent, good looking woman he finally does something right and saves the day. Yes.. All thanks to a female journalist. And Bryan Singer thinks Superman was inspired by his father. BAH! Here is the truth of the matter:  

"She is not to write, or fight, or build, or compose scores; she does all by inspiring man to do all. The poet finds her eyes anticipating all his ode; the sculptor, his god; the architect, his house. She looks it. She is the requiring genius." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anyone care to dispute a man with the intellectual guts to live in isolation by a pond for a year? I didn't think so. OK. I'm done with this tangent.

Imagine the movie SUPERMAN QUITS. Supes is tired of defeating his enemies and quits deciding people need to solve their own problems. But after a failed year on a street corner in Nashville playing in his underwear, he departs for Krypton, pleased that Lex Luthor defeated his evil creation (following the megamind plot) and won the love of the people, eventually becoming president.

I still have no idea what could have been done with the kid in the Bryan Singer Superman Returns film so I'll remove that from my new plot and destroy nearly the whole concept of that film. Here is my idea... Christopher Nolan eat your heart out.

Superman realizes upon his return to Krypton he did not fulfill Jor-El's real plan for earth. He decides to return and clean house, ushering a new era of peace on earth. He uses his super radio to tell Jimmy he is on his way back to earth to fight for truth, justice and His Way. Jimmy now works for the only viable newspaper on earth, The Daily Prophet. (Thanks to magical funding after the demise of You-Know-Who). Once the Prophet announces the return of Superman, riots break out. Few people want him back. Everyone loves President Luthor who keeps reminding people of the senseless destruction Superman caused to save kittens from trees and Lois Lane from driving off a cliff. He threatens to kill anyone who wants Superman to return and war erupts because Israel and Tea Party Activists figure he is the best chance they have from being wiped out by a super coalition of al-Qaida, Hamas and the Green Party organized by Luthor. Superman watches and listens from afar on his return trip and his wrath is kindled as violence reaches a fever pitch. He returns and destroys the earth with heat vision while using his "fix the great wall of china" power to raise true supporters above the flames. The earth is formed anew as a sea of crystal (Krypton Style) and Superman takes up residence near his old home in Kansas. There, he builds a new city and those who remained faithful to him inherit the earth and all of Superman's new kryptonian technology.

THAT my friends is an awesome movie. If I had $500M I would have it made. In two parts. But I don't have the money. So the idea will live in obscurity on this blog. Just look for the red cape when everything bursts into flames. I'll see you all in the sky.  

Most Interesting Man vs. Chuck Norris

I just had an epiphany this morning that these two guys are famous for having a ton of amazing facts attributed to them. See if you can separate which facts go with the correct bearded wonder.

1. He lives vicariously through himself.

2. He once taught a German shepherd to bark in Spanish.

3. He can do a wheelie on a unicycle
4. He is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
5. He has counted to infinity - twice.
6. He never says something tastes like chicken – not even chicken.
7. He’s been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into a room.
8. He can slam a revolving door.

9. He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.

10. His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser man’s entire body.

11. He doesn't have life insurance, the insurance companies pay him to spare their lives.
12. Once, he won the Indy 500 using Fred Flintstone's car.
13. Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number.

14. Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with a teddy bear...he sleeps with an actual bear

15. Some magicans can walk on water, he can swim through land.
16. He’s a lover, not a fighter, but he’s also a fighter, so don’t get any ideas.

17. He can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

18.When it is raining, it is because he is thinking of something sad.
19. His shirts never wrinkle.
20. When the Bogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for him.
21. He is left-handed. And right-handed.
22. If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
23. He has amassed an incredibly large DVD library, and it is said that he never once alphabetized it.
24. He once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
25. There used to be a street named after him, but it was changed because nobody crosses him and lives.

26. He doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

27. You can see his charisma from space.
28. When he does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
29. He can cut through a hot knife with butter
30. He was bitten by a snake. Three days later the snake died.
31. The police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
32. He once punched a magician. That’s right. You heard me.
33. If a monument were built in his honor, Mt. Rushmore would close… due to poor attendance.
34. His blood smells like cologne.
35. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals he allows to live.
36. He made a Happy Meal cry. (No fries???)

37. He once won a staring contest with Medusa.

38. Whenever he tells a lie it instantly becomes Fact

39. His organ donation card also lists his beard.

40. On every continent in the world, there is a sandwich named after him.

41. He destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
42. He doesn’t believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
43. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe.
44. His cereal never gets soggy. It sits there, staying crispy, just for him.

45. There is no chin behind his beard. Only another fist.

46. His hands feel like rich brown suede.

47. He once taught a horse to read email for him.

48. He can divide by zero.

49. He once brought in $13 million at a charity bachelor auction, which was a lot of money at the time.

50. Respected archaeologists fight over his discarded apple cores.

51. He can speak Braille.

52. Lime trees bear fruit on his command.

53. He once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Answers:

1. MIM

2. MIM

3. CN

4. CN

5. CN

6. MIM

7. MIM

8. CN

9. MIM

10. MIM

11. CN

12. CN

13. MIM

14. CN

15. CN

16. MIM

17. CN

18. MIM

19. MIM

20. CN

21. MIM

22. MIM

23. MIM

24. CN

25. CN

26. CN

27. MIM

28. MIM

29. MIM

30. CN

31. MIM

32. MIM

33. MIM

34. MIM

35. CN

36. CN

37. CN

38. CN

39. MIM

40. MIM

41. CN

42. MIM

43. MIM

44. MIM

45. CN

46. MIM

47. MIM
48. CN

49. MIM

50. CN
51. CN
52. MIM
53. CN

Scoring:

1-10: You are so pathetic even Chuck Norris won't kill you.

10-20: Rain clouds follow you.

20-30: Most average people think they are better than average. You are not.

30-40: Perhaps you could scratch their beards without turning into a pillar of salt.

40-50: Congratulations! You've spent way too much time filling you head with useless facts.
50 +  : You must be the Cougar Abogado heaping shame on a lowly blogger who doesn't check his work.

Here is a discussion debating who would actually win a fight between the two:

http://www.dallasdancemusic.com/useless-blabber/302979-chuck-norris-vs-most-interesting-man-world.html