Superman Quits AKA Megamind

Welcome back gentle reader for another edition of my fried froth on mainstream media. Yesterday in an attempt to save money, I exploded the back window of the Acura. One could say I was at fault, but I've come to the conclusion that everything connected to a major financial decision that took place in Las Vegas is cursed. So therefore, Las Vegas destroyed my rear window yesterday while changing the lifts. I shall not elaborate further. One must use creative thoughts to discover how I did it, where... and with what!

Thanks to a planned multi-princess ride through downtown followed by dinner at the carb factory, it had to be fixed ASAP. So I made an appointment at a shop and took kids #1 and #2 with me, thinking it would only be 20-30 mins. WRONG. I was told over 2 hours. I had to think quickly. I was near the hood with small children and nothing to do for 2 hours. What did I do to burn time? Walked around the corner and took the kids to see MEGAMIND. But after watching the film, I think it should be called: Superman Quits. Remember Superman Returns? The plot for that film should have been made from the plot of Megamind.

From the trailers most of you know this is about an adorable evil genius who thinks he's destroyed his nemesis Metroman. Alas, without opposition in all things, Megamind realizes his life is nothing so he creates a new hero to battle but fails and makes things worse. But thanks to the help of an intelligent, good looking woman he finally does something right and saves the day. Yes.. All thanks to a female journalist. And Bryan Singer thinks Superman was inspired by his father. BAH! Here is the truth of the matter:  

"She is not to write, or fight, or build, or compose scores; she does all by inspiring man to do all. The poet finds her eyes anticipating all his ode; the sculptor, his god; the architect, his house. She looks it. She is the requiring genius." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Anyone care to dispute a man with the intellectual guts to live in isolation by a pond for a year? I didn't think so. OK. I'm done with this tangent.

Imagine the movie SUPERMAN QUITS. Supes is tired of defeating his enemies and quits deciding people need to solve their own problems. But after a failed year on a street corner in Nashville playing in his underwear, he departs for Krypton, pleased that Lex Luthor defeated his evil creation (following the megamind plot) and won the love of the people, eventually becoming president.

I still have no idea what could have been done with the kid in the Bryan Singer Superman Returns film so I'll remove that from my new plot and destroy nearly the whole concept of that film. Here is my idea... Christopher Nolan eat your heart out.

Superman realizes upon his return to Krypton he did not fulfill Jor-El's real plan for earth. He decides to return and clean house, ushering a new era of peace on earth. He uses his super radio to tell Jimmy he is on his way back to earth to fight for truth, justice and His Way. Jimmy now works for the only viable newspaper on earth, The Daily Prophet. (Thanks to magical funding after the demise of You-Know-Who). Once the Prophet announces the return of Superman, riots break out. Few people want him back. Everyone loves President Luthor who keeps reminding people of the senseless destruction Superman caused to save kittens from trees and Lois Lane from driving off a cliff. He threatens to kill anyone who wants Superman to return and war erupts because Israel and Tea Party Activists figure he is the best chance they have from being wiped out by a super coalition of al-Qaida, Hamas and the Green Party organized by Luthor. Superman watches and listens from afar on his return trip and his wrath is kindled as violence reaches a fever pitch. He returns and destroys the earth with heat vision while using his "fix the great wall of china" power to raise true supporters above the flames. The earth is formed anew as a sea of crystal (Krypton Style) and Superman takes up residence near his old home in Kansas. There, he builds a new city and those who remained faithful to him inherit the earth and all of Superman's new kryptonian technology.

THAT my friends is an awesome movie. If I had $500M I would have it made. In two parts. But I don't have the money. So the idea will live in obscurity on this blog. Just look for the red cape when everything bursts into flames. I'll see you all in the sky.