To Catch Osama

Clinton failed to do it. 'W' failed to do it. The most wanted man on the planet is still hiding in the mountains of Afghanistan. But not for long. In this post I will reveal a secret weapon the military doesn't realize they have at their fingertips:

A-LAMB

That's right, Adam Lambert. Why? In a prior post, I established him as the greatest metal singer of all-times. How could we use his talents? A little history lesson is in order:

In December of 1989, Bush the Senior invaded Panama to capture the "infamous" (more than famous) General Manual Noriega. The good general had fled to the the sanctuary of the church. In order to get him out, the army sent in a secret weapon: HEAVY METAL!

I know. It sounds ludicrous. Check out this link:

http://www.gwu.edu/~nsarchiv/nsa/DOCUMENT/950206.htm

Want to know what our boys played to drive this man to prison?

http://bigpicture.typepad.com/writing/2004/09/the_rock_n_roll.html

Here are my personal favorites. If A-lamb were to sing these with a 1,000,000,000 watt amplifier at the foot of the mountains, Osama would surely beg for execution.

1. Hangin Tough - New Kids on the Block
2. Ironman - Black Sabbath (no doubt OBL has seen the movie and hated it)
3. Naughty, Naugty - Danger Danger (Oooooooo)
4. Now you're messin with an S.O.B - Nazareth
5. Run to the Hills - Iron Maiden (note my prior post. A-lamb singing this is destiny!)
6. Star Spangled Banner - Jimi Hendrix (I know, A-lamb will just imitate the guitar sounds)
7. They're coming to take me away - Henry VIII
8. Youth gone wild - Skid Row
9. Screaming for vengeance - Judas Priest

Surely with this secret weapon the war on terror will permanently swing in our favor. The planets will align and hot fudge sundaes for everyone... forever and ever. Now that's a military operation I can cheer for!