Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Reality vs. Sword Dreams

I am a Star Wars baby and therefore one of my favorite sounds in the whole world is the menacing hum of a lightsaber. As the years drew on, I began to occasionally fiddle with role-playing games such as Dungeons & Dragons, despite my father's warnings that it was part of the Occult. He once told me of a youth who jumped off a cliff in a D&D game to earn more "magic" from the Dungeon Master. Of course, he left out the high probability this guy was blitzed on LSD.

Tangent. Sorry about that. Other movies back in the day such as Conan the Barbarian, Highlander and Excalibur fueled my fascination, not to mention video games, Nephi and the Sword of Laban. As a kid I secretly tried a few times to make a sword with a wooden stick and aluminum foil that I'd heat then sharpen... Never exactly worked out. You can imagine my delight and humor in the following article entitled, Generation X Sword Making.

http://www.anvilfire.com/FAQs/swords_faq_index.htm

This article basically rips on fools like me with dreams of forging my own blade of power. Here are some highlights if you don't want to read it:

First, you should ask yourself,
"Why do I want to make a sword?"
Then,
What do I intend to DO with it?


A sword is a weapon. Like a Bowie knife or gun they are a weapon designed for one person to kill another. Do you intend to kill someone? Are you playing games? Or do you just think it would be "neat" to have a sword hanging on the wall?

Most of the time I know the answers to these questions, perhaps better than you. But, do YOU know the answers?

You are a young male (99% of you and under 30). You are fascinated by weapons of all types. You like the movies Conan the Barbarian and Highlander (I, II, III. . .), and watch the television shows Highlander, Zena, Hercules and The Immortal (among others).

You may be into Dungeons and Dragons or the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism). You think a sword shouldn't be too hard to make. You will want to play with it. Perhaps mock combat with one of your friends. You haven't thought about the fact that you or your friends could be, maimed, blinded or killed "just playing".

Do not deny it. It is your nature. It is why there are 10 - 12 accidental gun deaths of children every day in America. It is almost always boys handling the gun and the victim is almost always their best friend or neighbor. Swords do not kill quite as easily as guns but dead is still dead.

Sword Myths/Fiction:
  • Blood does not make a superior quenchant (an old myth).
  • Neither virgins or slaves have been used to test swords (that is a children's story).
  • You cannot chop a machine gun barrel in two with a Japanese sword (modern myth).
  • Ancient steels were not superior to modern alloy steels (another modern myth).
  • Adamantium is a fictional comic book element without any basis in reality (like Kryptonite). It is just another "Unobtainium".
  • Mithirl (J.R.R. Tolkien) another MYTHical metal.
  • You cannot cold forge a sword from a leaf spring (modern web myth - parody).

As if all of this were not painful enough to learn, I then found this HIGHLY reputable article on why a real lightsaber is not going to happen anytime soon.

http://ask.yahoo.com/20040329.html

Garbage. My dreams, as usual have been crushed. I guess in the game of Rock, Scissors & Paper, the cold unforgiving rock of reality crushes the scissors (swords) of my dreams.

2 comments:

Daniel said...

Thanks for sharing your dreams, young padawan, may all your deepest sword lure come true.

"I feel your pain."

Fletch said...

I was especially relieved to find out that I didn't need slave or virgin blood to make a sword. Thanks Anvil Fire!