BACON

My younger brother "Cougar Abogado" used to have a very refined sense of taste and would only order menu items if they included Bacon. Some people would call that picky. I call it taking a stand for what you believe in. Thanks to his unyielding will for sizzling pork, he earned the moniker "LORD BACON" and we've loved him for it ever since. The following stand-up routine is a tribute to you L.B., may all your Fillet Minions be wrapped in Bacon.

Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself... so, most nights before I go to bed I will lay out 6 strips of bacon out on my foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on to the grill and it clamped on to my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

Here is the bacon alarm clock in all its glory: