Mo-Tabs Rock Red Rocks

As a proud Denver native I feel deep shame to admit I've never been to Red Rocks until this evening. It is a simply stunning venue with majestic views of the foothills and Denver. Not to mention the unique acoustics provided by the massive rock formations. Throw in a world class choir, perfect weather, thunderstorms in the distance and a transcendent musical experience is born.

Many of you may be thinking an evening with Mack and the Mo-Tabs would be a dull round of hymns with gaudy organ work. A fight to stay awake and maintain dignity. Far from it. I've been to Mo-Tab Concerts before, but never like this performance.

The choir performed everything from classical masterpieces to old-time spirituals to Island music. Much of it was upbeat and rousing, but well complimented by more somber spiritual pieces. The choir had a soloist offer an animated and very soulful rendition of "I want Jesus to Walk With Me" that brought the house down. I've never heard people hoot, holler and cheer like that before during a Mo-Tab song. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but it was electrifying. I could even see silent bursts of lightning in the distance as he sang. This was shortly followed by an organ solo that was done almost entirely by foot at a fast pace, which also brought the crowd to roars of applause. I was stunned and overjoyed at the scene.

Surreal as venue, the music and the moment, at the beginning of the concert it was announced that the Prophet, Thomas Monson had decided to attend. Nearly 30 feet away he rose to a standing ovation. It was a pleasure to stand and cheer for God's prophet in public and to see so many others do likewise. The Spirit flooded the amphitheater at that time and set a remarkable tone. Jim Gassman, the friend I owe many thanks to for inviting me made an insightful comment that it must be a treat for the Prophet to actually watch the choir rather than just hear them over his shoulder in conference.

Seriously, this could be one of the greatest musical events I've ever witnessed. I'm not sure I ever want to see anything else at Red Rock to spoil the memories I now have. I'd tell you to go see them the next time they are in your area, but I'm not sure that performance can be topped. To make things even sweeter, we somehow zipped out before traffic and made it home in record time. All in all, a genuinely transcendent evening.

Who's Bad?

The King is dead. I'm no major Michael Jackson fan, but I've always enjoyed his classics: Thriller, Billie Jean, Beat it, Bad, The Girl is Mine (feat. Paul McCartney) the list goes on. I don't really care about how he died, but now that he has gone on to that big never-never land ranch in the sky, I'd like to share a few quotes from my elders about the self-proclaimed King of Pop:

Grandma Fletcher [in a moment of disgust]: "Ooooohhhh that Micheal Jackson!"

Mom [went something like this]: "Isaiah says that in the last days men shall call bad good and good bad. This Michael Jackson is doing that! This is the end of the word."

(It basically went like that... I won't even begin to tell you about the time she pulled out the lyrics on my Dr. Feelgood Motley Crue album. Needless to say, no mother should ever read aloud their lyrics)

Jackson gave us some great moments. I'd say he was one of the most influential music video artists ever, with Thriller and that SICK dance. Best. Dance. Ever.

If I could have one day of coordination, I'd do the thriller dance and the Moon-walk for at least 2 hours. I'd also throw in a high-pitched, Wooooo! The rest would be spent break-dancing and playing basketball like a real person.

Will I miss the guy? Absolutely not. The man was done 15 years ago, along with his face. I almost find his death to be an act of mercy to himself, his surgeon, tabloid reporters, those veiled kids and Macaulay Culkin. R.I.P. Michael, may you be able to wear your sparkly glove into heaven.

Its Miller Time!!

For those of you who lived in Denver in the spring/summer of 1991, you will undoubtedly remember the invasion of the Miller Months. Its happening again, but not to the extent of what took place in 1991. When it comes to insects, I'm usually a kill first and ask questions later guy. But this time around, I find the phenomenon interesting.

The moths are following an annual migration pattern from the Great Plains to the cooler Rockies during hot summer months. Since Denver became Seattle in recent months with a ton of rain and cooler weather, our dusty friends have decided to stay and get Miller Time started early.

My kids detest, despise and loathe the months with a murderous passion. Feeding on their fear and anger like a crazed Sith Lord, I assaulted and killed nearly 40 months in a single evening until 2AM to get some peace back in the galaxy. Finally the Supreme Commander made me stop since I kept waking her up with my incessant death-strokes. The carnage in bathroom sink was nothing short of desolation on an Ammonihah scale. I'm sure the scent was very troubling to them.

Am I proud of my blood-bath? Not really, but I can't remember the last time I went on such a killing spree since I was 11 with a magnifying glass.

Intermission

A friend of mine recently reviewed the flick, Austrailia and the issue of the length of the movies came up. Movies are getting longer, yet there are no scheduled potty breaks or chances to stretch our legs, even savor the moment of being out at the movies.

Return of the King may historically be remembered not for winning best picture, but for setting the standard as the ultimate test of bladder strength at 3 hours 20 minutes. So how come we've done away with intermission? The SFGate has some ideas:

"The last intermission in a mainstream movie bisected "Gandhi" in 1982. The breaks were discontinued so more screenings could be packed into the day. Also, multiplexes were emerging in the early 1980s. Intermissions make it hard to keep track of multiplex patrons -- who could take advantage of the extra traffic to sneak into several movies without paying.

For a long time the disappearance of intermissions wasn't much of a problem. But in the past half-decade, the amount of 180 minutes-plus movies seems to be increasing to a level not seen since the early 1970s.

The biggest blow for the peanut-bladdered masses came in 1997, when "Titanic" was released. Even at a bloated 194 minutes, the movie still became the top-grossing film of all time, taking in close to $2 billion worldwide -- and dispelling the notion that long films are money risks."

So once again, we have the great Satan, CORPORATE AMERICA to blame for no intermission and strained bladders. Needless to say, I doubt an evening at the movies with a refreshing intermission will ever return, though it should.

Here are two intermission treats for you (watch them sequentially for the right effect):

BACON

My younger brother "Cougar Abogado" used to have a very refined sense of taste and would only order menu items if they included Bacon. Some people would call that picky. I call it taking a stand for what you believe in. Thanks to his unyielding will for sizzling pork, he earned the moniker "LORD BACON" and we've loved him for it ever since. The following stand-up routine is a tribute to you L.B., may all your Fillet Minions be wrapped in Bacon.

Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself... so, most nights before I go to bed I will lay out 6 strips of bacon out on my foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on to the grill and it clamped on to my foot. That's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.

Here is the bacon alarm clock in all its glory:

Tired

I've been working like crazy over the last two weeks and it will continue next week. Heck, I should be working now, but I need a little blogging R&R. Naturally, the main symptom of working too much is getting very tired. But its not just work that is doing it to me. Here are a few other things that have made me tired in the last two weeks.

1. The Gorilla Diet - Thanks to Oprah and the Wizard of Oz, the Supreme Commander and I decided to try eating 11 lbs of vegetables and fruits every day for 10 days. I lasted about 3. Don't get me wrong, I love produce and am often criticized for wolfing down fistfuls of parsley, kale, peppers, cauliflower and broccoli. But living without complex carbs is a sin. God said, "Wheat is for man." Perhaps not the bleached, enriched stuff, but boy was he not kidding. I'm now convinced Dr. Atkins must have worshiped the devil in his free time when he wasn't pounding five hamburger patties for breakfast. Carbs really are our best energy source (IMHO) and to live without them is to be very tired.

Another problem with the Gorilla Diet is that its too easy to break. I went to a festive summer party and was tempted by the aroma of 25 bratwursts simmering on the grill. I thought to myself, "a gorilla would eat this if he could" and so I did. Yep, it all went downhill from there. But I don't feel completely exhausted anymore and I still love me some produce.

2. Kobe Bryant - I respect the game and his drive to win. But what am I really tired of? All the acting. For starters, STOP YOUR WHINING!!! I've never seen a guy try to draw so much contact and yet complain EVERY SINGLE time a foul is not called. It is absolutely ridiculous and he appears to believe he can influence the refs, because he can. This has nothing to do with my Nugz, just ask anyone who is not a Laker fan. Next, he makes this "Tiger Snarl" face all of the time. Jordan's tongue was cool; this is not. It makes him look like a whiny little brat, which by all his acting, he most certainly is. Pouring more salt into my wound are his speeches and interviews during and after games. All this talk about toughness and pulling his team along from the ultimate whiner make me want to puke. Its like he's got some PR guy in a closet writing bad ESPN classic interview dialogue for him. I'm a bit jaded, but nearly everything he says feels like a cheese grater on my face. Finally, I'm tired of the hype. At least Le Bron didn't make it to the finals so all of those idiotic puppet commercials could die.

3. Movies - I used to be able to stay awake for anything. I almost hated that I couldn't fall asleep. Thanks to the Gorilla Diet and becoming a workaholic, I can't finish anything. Example: I rented Star Trek II The Wrath of Khan, supposedly the best Star Trek of age and nodded off. At least I made it to the part where Kirk screams KHAAAANNNNNN! into his walkie. I dare say its the greatest Kirk moment in cinema and you must watch this: http://animated.ytmnd.com/. I even watched the scream in slow motion and laughed the whole way through. The other flick that put me out? The Way We Were. I know, I know. What was I thinking? A movie with Barbara Streisand where she's a pinko communist? I made it about 15 minutes into that flick and gratefully passed out. I'll just have to sing the song in a super-sillious manner in the future. And yes, I think I just made up the word Sillious.

4. Silver Lining - To savor my tired state, I've listened to the Soggy Bottom Boys song "I Am a Man of Constant Sorrow" and "Are the Good Times Really Gone Forever?" over and over. Ya'll, country music really does soothe a tired, worn out soul.

You are probably now tired of me so I'm now tired of you and I'm going to quit. Have a nice life and stay tired my friends.