Twilight Scores a 10

I recently posted on why Twilight is going "suck." For once, my predictions came true. But what I didn't anticipate was the unintentional comedy - one of my favorite genres of humor. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd have to say this scored a 10.

I'm not going to spoil the moments, and I wouldn't do them justice, plus the punchlines for such comedy are mostly in the mind of the viewer. And I should also add that the only way to get the unintentional comedy is to have read the books. Otherwise, it would just be stupid - as I predicted many critics would say.

[Side Note] Am I gloating over correctly predicting the future? No. I just want to make the world a better, safer place. "I would rather you not question the manner in which I provide your safety, only that you thank me for it."

Here is the breakdown of my predictions:

1. Bait and Switch - Boy howdy was I right about this. This was a HARD-CORE chick flick. The 'action' is around for about 15-20 minutes and there was minimal violence I could sink my teeth into. (I know, ban pun - but its not like I'm trying to win the Pulitzer). The actual scene of violence came off much better than I expected, but this surely would not slake the thirst of a real man.

2. Casting - I'll bust out by character. Bella was actually way better than I expected and she made the movie work in my opinion. Perfect combination of homely and yet could be girl of your dreams next door. Eddie? Sometimes good, but his lines were incredibly awkward. The guy reads like the smooth operator of the century and this dude was simply goofy. This is where 90% of the unintentional comedy comes from. I LOVED IT!!! Jasper - always looked constipated (Julie told me this during the movie and I about died). Emmet, acceptable. Carlise, better than expected. Eseme, was she in the movie? Rosalie, not bad, but basically much as I predicted, a let down. Bad guys, acceptable.

Want to know who made the movie much better than expected? The high school kids. They were spot on and pretty funny. Jacob and Billy and Charlie were right on par (IMHO).

3. Production - YIKES. I think they ran out of money or had an editor on acid. Some scenes were so poorly cut that I felt bad for them, so I laughed, but not out loud - OK I did laugh out loud a few times (the WHIFF scene - you'll know what I'm talking about), but toned it down for the die-hards. I was wrong about special effects, they were worse than Heroes and Smallville. The cheesy lines were there and the "say it - vampire" scene was enough to make you puke. Yes, the budget was $36 million, a small sum in today's world and they did the best they could. Hopefully next time they can take the windfall off this episode and make something much better next time.

A word about adaptation. I felt they took some good liberties, try to add in more of a storyline with the bad guys, quicker pacing, and limiting the never-ending "Edward is the most gorgeous, chiseled, hot bowl of man-marble" talk. Bella was less domesticated, no scenes of her cooking and cleaning for dear-old dad. It was my understanding that the Meadow is the greatest moment in perhaps all of the books and it was done out of sequence and came off as the worst part of the movie. Adapting this movie is extremely difficult due to 80% of the content being in Bella's head. Only a mini-series could deliver enough detail to satisfy thirsty fans with new-born anger over missed moments. Die-hard Harry Potter fans often hate the hack job in those films and Twilight is no exception.

Overall, it wasn't as bad as I expected. I laughed a lot and had a good time, but mostly because of the sweet savor of vindication and the fact that I"m a cold-hearted jerk that can laugh at things that "suck."