Not many men openly admit to reading the Twilight SAGA, and fewer still have risked nothing by blogging about it. But I’m here to fill the void of male commentary. Later this month, the SAGA will come to life on the big screen; delighting young women and desperate housewives across the globe. Right?
I have seen most of the trailers and visited the IMBD discussion board before forming my opinion. Obviously, the trailers may be different from the actual movie (Zoolander is a good example of this) but its all I have to go on. Here are my top 3 reasons why Twilight the movie is going to suck (no pun intended).
3. Bait & Switch. Most trailers depict this film as a Vampire action movie, which is totally bogus. As a guy, I hate being dragged into a chick flick disguised as something else. Bait and switch is generally a desperate tactic when the product stinks.
2. Casting. This book is about the most beautiful girl next door, meeting Mr. Wonderful and his supermodel family. I’m no model and don’t think any of the actors are unattractive, but they just don’t measure up to the description of the people in the book. (Man do I feel shallow talking about this, but sometimes the truth hurts). I’m not convinced by anyone in the cast except Bella. I don’t have a problem with Robert Pattison as Edward, but 78% of women I’ve surveyed or read online say the dude doesn’t have "it." He’s too frail and sickly looking. I’ve heard he was adored as the now deceased Cedric Diggory, but I’m not exactly qualified to comment on a dude’s looks. Next, Rosalie. This is supposed to the knock-out of the century and while the actress is good-looking, she’s no Claudia Schiffer. Carslile looks too young, perhaps his acting will make up for it. Jasper seems off and has a jacked-up hair-do. Alice and Emmet seem about right. And then someone went off and grabbed an “old” lady to play Esme. Bottom line: this is low budget B movie casting.
Historically, success with casting relative unknowns in leading roles for a big movie needs to be offset by casting well known, character actors to surround the new talent. Here are a few good examples:
- Batman Begins – Bale surrounded by Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Kane
- Superman – Christopher Reeve with Gene Hackman and Marlon Brando; this is a good example of a movie being viable just on the supporting cast.
- Harry Potter – the Big 3, with Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Ralph Fiennes, Brendan Gleeson, Gary Oldman, Maggie Thompson, the list is long…
- LOTR – Good talent in Viggo, Orlando and Elijah, and still they brought in Ian McKellan, Christopher Lee, Sean Bean, Bernard Hill, Cate Blanchet…
1. Production. The first two points are both symptoms of the universal problem. Summit Entertainment is clearly not a heavy hitter in the block-buster business. They make chick flicks, which this certainly is, but Twilight is in the expensive fantasy genre that requires the best to be pulled off correctly. Some call Twilight the next Harry Potter. I don’t think its appeal is nearly that universal, but it is a phenomenon as far as books go and it should get its day in the hot sun. I’ve already dissed the casting and marketing, now I’d like to rail on the screen play and special effects.
CUT THE CHEESE. Yes almost every trailer I've seen has some lines that are just plain corny and the delivery is terrible! Here are my favorites: “Tell him to avenge you!” “He’s absolutely lethal” “Say it… Vampire [ugh]” “I could make you…” And the biggest slice of cheese goes to: Wearing baseball uniforms during the baseball game. No wonder these vampires are dorks of their world.
I may be wrong about the special effects, since much will be done post production, but they are all quick blur effects like the ones on TV shows like Heroes, Smallville, etc. Perhaps this can be saved. This is my one ray of hope for the movie.
OK. I have arrogantly said a lot of harsh things based on 4-5 previews and some tid-bits from the Internet. I would be happy to be proved wrong. However, the deck is stacked against this movie. It may financially succeed, but I predict it will be panned by critics and remembered as movie with great potential in the wrong hands. Hopefully I’ll be able to choke down my popcorn when I arrive at the theater for vindication.
I have seen most of the trailers and visited the IMBD discussion board before forming my opinion. Obviously, the trailers may be different from the actual movie (Zoolander is a good example of this) but its all I have to go on. Here are my top 3 reasons why Twilight the movie is going to suck (no pun intended).
3. Bait & Switch. Most trailers depict this film as a Vampire action movie, which is totally bogus. As a guy, I hate being dragged into a chick flick disguised as something else. Bait and switch is generally a desperate tactic when the product stinks.
2. Casting. This book is about the most beautiful girl next door, meeting Mr. Wonderful and his supermodel family. I’m no model and don’t think any of the actors are unattractive, but they just don’t measure up to the description of the people in the book. (Man do I feel shallow talking about this, but sometimes the truth hurts). I’m not convinced by anyone in the cast except Bella. I don’t have a problem with Robert Pattison as Edward, but 78% of women I’ve surveyed or read online say the dude doesn’t have "it." He’s too frail and sickly looking. I’ve heard he was adored as the now deceased Cedric Diggory, but I’m not exactly qualified to comment on a dude’s looks. Next, Rosalie. This is supposed to the knock-out of the century and while the actress is good-looking, she’s no Claudia Schiffer. Carslile looks too young, perhaps his acting will make up for it. Jasper seems off and has a jacked-up hair-do. Alice and Emmet seem about right. And then someone went off and grabbed an “old” lady to play Esme. Bottom line: this is low budget B movie casting.
Historically, success with casting relative unknowns in leading roles for a big movie needs to be offset by casting well known, character actors to surround the new talent. Here are a few good examples:
- Batman Begins – Bale surrounded by Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman and Michael Kane
- Superman – Christopher Reeve with Gene Hackman and Marlon Brando; this is a good example of a movie being viable just on the supporting cast.
- Harry Potter – the Big 3, with Alan Rickman, Robbie Coltrane, Ralph Fiennes, Brendan Gleeson, Gary Oldman, Maggie Thompson, the list is long…
- LOTR – Good talent in Viggo, Orlando and Elijah, and still they brought in Ian McKellan, Christopher Lee, Sean Bean, Bernard Hill, Cate Blanchet…
1. Production. The first two points are both symptoms of the universal problem. Summit Entertainment is clearly not a heavy hitter in the block-buster business. They make chick flicks, which this certainly is, but Twilight is in the expensive fantasy genre that requires the best to be pulled off correctly. Some call Twilight the next Harry Potter. I don’t think its appeal is nearly that universal, but it is a phenomenon as far as books go and it should get its day in the hot sun. I’ve already dissed the casting and marketing, now I’d like to rail on the screen play and special effects.
CUT THE CHEESE. Yes almost every trailer I've seen has some lines that are just plain corny and the delivery is terrible! Here are my favorites: “Tell him to avenge you!” “He’s absolutely lethal” “Say it… Vampire [ugh]” “I could make you…” And the biggest slice of cheese goes to: Wearing baseball uniforms during the baseball game. No wonder these vampires are dorks of their world.
I may be wrong about the special effects, since much will be done post production, but they are all quick blur effects like the ones on TV shows like Heroes, Smallville, etc. Perhaps this can be saved. This is my one ray of hope for the movie.
OK. I have arrogantly said a lot of harsh things based on 4-5 previews and some tid-bits from the Internet. I would be happy to be proved wrong. However, the deck is stacked against this movie. It may financially succeed, but I predict it will be panned by critics and remembered as movie with great potential in the wrong hands. Hopefully I’ll be able to choke down my popcorn when I arrive at the theater for vindication.
3 comments:
Your pre-viewing review is the fried froth of blogging that I despise. I saw your nostradamus predictions and almost all of them are wrong. I'd never seriously consider your opinion. Your writing amounts to a flaming bag of poo on my doorstep. I have included a link for all to stomp on you.
Your name is flaming bag of poo? How sad. Where do these loosers come from?
Dear Sir,
Your claims are ludicrous.
First, its not bait and switch, its targeting a male audience. They know the girls will come.
Second, until you have seen them act, you have no right to judge casting based soley on looks. HOW DARE YOU.
Summit obtained a BILLION in financing before taking this on. Give them a chance. Your wife took one on you.
Post a Comment