Familiar with the picture above? It contains a great falsehood! Look at that corpulent corpse on the throne. That gold crown with the big plates on either side. The leapords. Almost every other painting of King Noah is based on this one. And consequently we've all be brainwashed into thinking the wine-bibbing, whoremonger of a king was grossly obeese. BUT YOU ARE WRONG!! And I'll prove it. - But first, think about Nephi and the Apolstle John. Beardless right?
It is common in Hebrew tradition to grow a beard after you are married (much to the shagrin of your wife). So why are these two married guys beardless? To show youth? Cleanliness before the Lord? Probably. I think its just tradition and I'm here to change your life by letting you know that these guys had beards. [feel different?]
Now back to Noah. Look at Mosiah 19:4-6. Gideon, the badest Nephite around fought with Noah and had to chase him up the tower. Are you telling me that the tub in the picture above could have avoided death by running...up a tower??? But this isn't a one time adrenaline rush. Look at Mosiah 19:9. Noah again escapes death by running before the people to safety. We assume that becuase he was labeled a "wine-bibber", "lazy" and sought after whoredoms that he was fat. Many of the people who pursue a such a lifestlye are quite thin becuase they don't have the time or the inclanation to eat. Perhaps ARNOLD was just tyring to show the inside on the outside. Regardless, I'm confident Noah was at least below 250 lbs, unlike the 500 lb butter ball that we love - with a beard.
2 comments:
I think the pictures you posted are very accurate.
The picture of the apostle: if you look closley, you see a "shadow" under his chin. I submit that it's not a shadow but a BEARD!
The picture of Nephi: We're to assume that picture is of him working on the boat and rebuking his brothers. But what if it's actually one of the OTHER times he rebuked his brothers? Maybe it's before he got married? Okay so if that doesn't work, try this one: he's working with tools and fire to build the boat. I think he had a beard but the fire burned it off on accident!
King Noah: I think he's just wearing very thick clothing.
....and he has a pillow under his cloak. :)
DONE IN BY THE NECK BEARD!!
If only I could truly grow one. I'd pull on it all day. And make thinking sounds.
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