The Blood & The Bees

Last Saturday was one to remember.

My fraternity brothers and I pledged to help someone demolish a massive rotting deck in the back yard. 30 foot roll-off? Ordered. Saws, crowbars, sledgehammers and face masks? Ready. I just didn't count on the the blood and the bees.

FIRST BLOOD: I've got some hair metal music going in my brain, so I pick up a large piece of cut up deck and haul it over to the roll off. Feeling rather macho, I tossed it in but felt a snag near my right elbow. I figured it was just a scratch:

ITS JUST A FLESH WOUND!

Next, the wasps found me. And why not? I'm highly marbled meat. Actually, they were not pleased with a crowbar being swung into their home. I got bit a couple of times and went to go grab two cans of wasp death spray at my house. Upon my return, a fellow frat brother and I determined to lift up one of the rotted planks and hose the buggers down. Bad idea. Opening two cans of death spray is not enough. I got stung above my ear, on my face, hip and several other places. I yelped and rolled on the ground into some dog poo. Onlookers said it was very undignified.

Hot Rod got it much worse than me. He got stung like 20-30 times and wound up cutting his arm twice as bad as mine. Yep, good times with the EQ on a Saturday. Sometimes I feel like we are the Red Shirts of the ward.

I've said this a bunch in the past, but I now know it to be true beyond a shadow of a doubt with every fiber of my being:

The Right to Bear Childern

I'm gonna go all Saturday's Warrior on you.

I've heard of a medical professional who believes birth control should be in the water and the only way to have a kid is to qualify for one. I know that's a bit of a medical stretch, but this is after all just me sitting on the porch with you kicking around ideas.

Before I get into issues with population growth; let's take it one step further:  GATTACA. One of my favorite movies. Here are a few quotes at the start of the film.

"Consider what God has done: Who can straighten what he has made crooked?" - Ecclesiastes 7:13 

"I not only think we will tamper with Mother Nature. I think Mother wants us to." - Willard Gaylin

The intent of the film is to make you hate genetic manipulation. But that isn't really the problem in the movie. The problem is the primary one that has plagued us since the beginning: PRIDE. Genetic manipulation was just a tool for people to continue to discriminate and set themselves above others. Nothing new there.

"They've got you looking so hard for any flaw, that after a while, that's all that you see." 

"Eugene never suffered from the routine discrimination of a 'utero', or a 'faith birth' or an 'in-valid' as we were called. A 'valid', a 'vitro', a 'made-man', he suffered under a different burden, the burden of perfection."

Tell me we don't have these problem right now.

So why not start cleaning up the gene pool? Darwin is ticked that modern medicine and society allows for the nasty people with bad teeth and funky B.O. to reproduce and perpetuate their crappy DNA. We typically fix birth defects after the child is born where possible... why not fix them before they even start?

Yes, I agree with the man. I don't see how this violates basic commandments given by God. 

And yes, I've read the Malcom Gladwell books and even he says you wouldn't wish Dyslexia on your kid; even if it gave him the VERY SLIM chance of becoming a super rad lawyer, etc. Rather than having 1 kid in 100,000 fix a problem, let's have the other 99,999 in a much better position to tackle it. I like those odds. 

But all that is the easy part of my future ideal of reproduction. The big kicker is qualifying to have kids. Is it a basic inalienable right to reproduce? Its the first commandment given to Adam and Eve. Men have a sex drive strong enough to populate Texas if given the resources. But ultimately, I think God is less concerned with how neat, clean and convenient our lives are as the choices we make. People living in a hut or a McMansion still have to make the same choices to either love others or be selfish. 

Look at birth rates in first world countries among more educated populations. It plummets. Given time and further advancement; I think we will start to turn the population problem around. Our economics are based on population growth right now and that will have to change; but I believe we can adapt and it will be for the better. 

So I say let us all eat cake! I hope we can use the blessings of of medical advancement for our happiness; rather than suffering in masochistic darkness.  

Numbers Glory Praise of Munns

While serving my mission for the Lord in Boston MASS, we had a saying...

"Numbers, Glory, Praise of Munns."

Munns in this case was my first Mission President. He was a strong leader who demanded excellence and believed in the return and report model of stewardship. Each week, a breakdown of the top zones was faxed to each ZL. As I recall, some matrix with a weighting system was used to determine who was #1. Of course, baptisms gave the most weight, but discussions, contacts, challenges, etc. were all factored.

Many complained about the emphasis on numbers and rankings. It seemed to breed contempt, cynicism and worse, ugly motives for doing the work.  Here are Elder Oak's six reasons for service ranked from least to greatest.

     6. For Riches or Honor
     5. To Obtain Good Companionship
     4. Fear of Punishment
     3. Duty or Loyalty
     2. Hope of an Eternal Reward
     1. Charity - "A More Excellent Way

Numbers, like most things are not good or evil. Lehi would tell us they are things to be acted upon. We who act chose the why, what, when, where, how and ultimately the outcome.  Now that I am intensely involved in the reporting and organization of Home Teaching, I find myself in the same situation as nearly 20 years ago.

During my time in MASS, reasons 6-2 got used more often than I'd care to admit. But I don't regret the reporting and tracking. Without it I'm not sure I would have accomplished as much true charitable service. I think a quote from Brad Wilcox's His Grace is Sufficient sums up the need for reporting and holding ourselves to standards quite well:

If Jesus did not require covenants and bestow the gift of the Holy Ghost, then there would be no way to change. We would be left forever with only willpower, with no access to His power. If Jesus did not require endurance to the end, then there would be no internalization of those changes over time. They would forever be surface and cosmetic rather than sinking inside us and becoming part of us—part of who we are. Put simply, if Jesus didn’t require practice, then we would never become pianists.

...Too many are giving up on [Home Teaching and Reporting] because they are tired of constantly feeling like they are falling short. They have tried in the past, but they always feel like they are just not good enough. They don’t understand grace.

So despite my lack of perfection; I'm not going to give up. In practicing charity and reporting it, I will become more like Him. Those numbers represent people; but they also represent a way for me to measure my progress if I have the right motive. The real problem isn't the numbers, its doing nothing at all.

And by the off chance you know me "IRL" just know this was written much more for me than you.

The Corn Palace!!

Why in the name of all that is holy would I go to Mitchell SD?

Work. 

But once I was there, I discovered a treasure: The Corn Palace. 

I'll admit, initially I HOPED it would be a massive structure completely made of corn... but that would be gross. Imagine the mice, birds, the feces. 

No, the Corn Palace is just a gym or community center covered in murals made out of corn. Which is still way cooler than anything those hipsters with the oiled beards have come up with the RiNo district. 

Overweight suburban white guy paradise. I was only missing 6 kids screaming at the top of their lungs. Hence, my smile in the photo above.

What do they call a Diet Mountain Dew round these parts?

POP.

Here are the photos:  FETCH YES