Uh-Oh!

FACT: Spontaneous Human Combustion (SHC) is a myth. Don't believe me? Go to this awesome webiste with FACTS in the name. http://facts-1.com/spontaneoushumancombustion.htm. But is SMC (Spontaneous Microwave Combustion) possible? I think so.

A few moons ago, I woke up to the smell of something burning, but could find no smoke, no flame. After shoveling the walks, I came in and the Boss declared the microwave was "melting." ???? I went over to it and it was indeed so hot the plastic was beginning to warp, oil was leaking, and it was very hot to the touch everywhere. SMC was about to destroy me and my family. So I unplugged the unit and Boss called the Sears guy, who declared without hesitation that the microwave was indeed in the first stages of SMC and there was no hope to fix it.

So after 16 years of ruthlessly nuking others, the nuker became the nuked.

We picked up a new microwave at Home Depot and I heartily refused their install cost of $99 declaring it was an easy job for a man with no mechanical aptitude and a pregnant woman. First lesson learned, never volunteer a pregnant woman to do something she is not inclined to do.

During the removal of SMC, we could not get it off the back bracket after removing the top screws. We turned our backs in frustration for a moment and BAM! SMC fell onto the glass halogen stove-top with an ear-splitting crash. Gator (nearly 2 years old), who isn't much for words knew exactly what to say. He stood up on his chair and shouted "UH-OH!" Once I started swearing, he began repeating UH-OH! Second lesson: don't cuss in front of their kids. They know its wrong.

Many thanks to Shawn, who graciously spent 3 hours on a Saturday helping me install the new machine while taking extra pains not to damage the exposed stove-top. Lesson three: ALWAYS PAY THE INSTALL FEE AND SAVE YOURSELF TIME, TEARS AND DIGNITY.

I hope none of you will ever know the horrors of SMC.