True Grit in the Marriage Bed with a Coach

TRUE GRIT - Last night I finally made it out to see the re-make of "True Grit." And no, there was not one bowl of grits consumed in the whole film. (If you could shoot me right now, I'm sure you would.). This movie had me at hello. First, it features a character that goes by the name "Rooster." Second, the main character is a sassy little girl out to avenge her father's death at any cost. It was like watching a 14-year old version of the Lizard fighting to make sure she got justice for me. Half of her lines sounded exactly like stuff she would say to people. Aside from that inside humour, this really is a funny movie. I dig "Vernacular" flicks. Sometimes, they are in the southern/western genre, or they might be period British films. Regardless, odd dialogue is all it takes to make me happy.
 

The Lizard on a quest for VENGEANCE.

THE MARRIAGE BED - I received a challenge yesterday to blog about a very odd news story from the NYT. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/41055693/ns/today-relationships/?gt1=43001. Apparently, cheating is forgivable if the act is performed outside the marriage bed. But if done at home in the place you sleep, GAME OVER. Seriously? This idea is so ground breaking it made it into the NY Times? Is psychology really being taken over by the likes of Captain Obvious? This is a great example of garbage created by the 24/7 news machine. They have to constantly put out stories to captivate our attention. So I'll assume this is meant to entertain more than inform. Better yet, it makes for great dinner conversation with the wife:

• So... did you hear that the NYT says you can't forgive someone if they cheat on you in the marriage bed? 
• .....
• Yeah, it was a pretty crazy article. What do you think?  
• .....
• .....
• Why are you telling me about this?
• Nothing, really, just thought it was, uh... informative.
• ..... really [squinting x-ray vision starts].... Pass the gravy. 
• Do you think that's a deal breaker? 
• Why are you asking me this? Are you trying to tell me something? 
• No, just making conversation. You look amazing in those jeans today. Have you lost 10 pounds in the last week? Did I mention this gravy is AWESOME? 

This is why a silent dinner is sometimes golden. Its a sign that a man has figured out how to quit bringing up loaded-topics that just lead to trouble. The next time you see a couple at a restaurant sitting in peaceful silence, go over an applaud them. I hope one day to recieve this acclaim, but it may be impossible.

Coach Fox - My beloved Broncos just finished the season 4-12. Only one other team in the NFL had a worse record. The Carolina Panthers at 2-14. Captain Obvious says... don't hire the coach of that team. So what did we do? HIRE THAT MAN. I don't care if he went to a Super-bowl or is the antithesis of McFired. It just sounds like a bad day at the recycling plant. This is just my initial reaction. I don't know a ton about the guy and wish him the best. I also recognize we were not going to attract a big name like Cowher or Gruden, etc. We are a complete disaster right now. Hopefully the Fantastical Mr. Fox can turn our fortunes around like he initially did with the Panthers.

Colorado Oddities

Here are my 3 favorite mispronounced names of places in Colorado:

1. The state itself, Colorado - Local say the ending like "rad-o" where some high-brow say "rah-do." It goes a long way to making one feel like a real cowboy.
2. Estes Park - I've heard some poor soul (who shall remain nameless) say it like "est-ies"
3. Arvada - Placing a "duh" sound at the end of this offers hours of amusement.

If you have any others, I welcome your input.

Finally, I want everyone to know that Aurora CO used to be known as FLETCHER.

"It originated in the 1880s, as the town Fletcher, taking its name from Denver businessman Donald Fletcher who saw it as a real estate opportunity. He and his partners staked out four square miles east of Denver, but the town - and Colorado - struggled mightily after the Silver Crash of 1893. At that point Fletcher skipped town, leaving the community with a huge water debt. Inhabitants decided to rename their township Aurora in 1907, and it slowly began to grow in Denver’s shadow becoming the fastest growing city in the United States during the late 1970s and early 1980s."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aurora,_Colorado

2011 Predictions

Happy 2011. The Cougar Lawyer has challenged me to once again prove my skills in the realm of divination. I have now bathed in rose extract and rubbed a mixture of fennel and hominy paste onto my forehead and spine. I am now ready to divine the future.

I. SPORTS

• NFL - Patriots will win the Super Bowl. CBA will be resolved in time for new season with the players getting the shaft. 18 game season with 2 game preseason will become law. Broncos start Tebow in 2011, win 6 games and people will regularly get saved at the stadium. New head coach is clouded even to me... a coordinator for a head coach and a GM are on the horizon.
• MLB - Rockies will win the World Series. That's right. Put your gum back in your mouth. Jimenez is going to destroy the league and DeLa Rosa will have a break-out year. Prepare yourselves for Rocktober.
• NBA - The Lakers are not hungry enough and the Heat will beat a crippled Celtic team to win the east and beat San Antonio out of the west. Melo will go to the Knicks as a free agent. Nuggets get nothing in return, fans return to their caves in the mountains.
• NHL - Avs make it to the west finals, but loose to Chicago. Penguins win it all.

II. EVERYTHING ELSE

•  New (old) Kids on the Block and Backstreet Boys combine to form a super group known as Yvan eht Nioj. Temple of the Dog fans riot declaring their super-group's superiority. After 3 months of unendurable concerts, a gunman mows Y.E.N. down. Pop radio stations flood the airwaves with the music of the slain, leading to a double-dip recession. 
• Ultra hot model discovers the secret for cold fusion with help from an ex-commie scientist, barely beating out Ted Theodore Logan who was close to the miracle thanks to some help from Morgan Freeman. 
• Obama's hair becomes completely grey.
• American Idol begins a slow painful death.
• People start eating PHO (fuh) for breakfast. As it should be. IHOP hires MS-13 to start ruthlessly beating patrons of PHO dives, creating a cult-like following for the new breakfast sensation. 
• Thor, Green Lantern & Captain America all bomb at the box office. This leads to the demise of the current super-hero movie fad leaving big-money studios searching for new material. Minimalist, high-tech film-makers enter the market with 3D movies like Baraka that have sat in the can for years. Tears flow. Ticket sales soar. The American work week shortens to 50 hours. As this spiritual awakening ensues, Oprah attempts to take credit but no one watches OWN and her new bid for power fails. 
• Peanut Brittle makes a comeback. Dentists rejoice. 

Raise your gaze to the horizon, flare your nostrils and thank Nostra-Fletch-a-Damus for his insight to the future.