Vacation in the Trees

Earlier this month the fam and I took our bi-annual trip to the east coast to visit the people in the trees. The kids played and many touristy things were done:

1. DC Temple - Went to the visitors center, walked the grounds wit the kids... Commando Cub enjoyed the on-site forest walk. Good thing it was a Sunday and closed or we would have been quite disruptive.
2. Great Falls - Whenever you visit a place don't question the name to the locals. Upon viewing the "falls" I declared them to be rapids in a river. This didn't go over too well. Not sure why its such an attraction, but on the east coast, I suppose anything that isn't a hoard of trees is notable. Odd note: one of the few times I've gone to a nature site full of people and virtually no white folks. 

3. Smithsonian - Our attempts to visit the Washington monument were foiled and thanks to 97 degree heat and 200% humidity, the kids were freaking out. We finally made it to the American History Museum and the best part was walking in the door and feeling my tax dollars in the form crisp AC. We meandered from there to the Natural History Museum at which point I snuck off to see "YEVES KLEIN - WITH THE VOID, FULL POWERS." The name alone made the trip meaningful. Since I was wearing a deep blue polo, I felt like I was part of the exhibit. I later witnessed the flooding of a McDonald's. Honestly, I liked the modern art section at the DAM better, but then I'm a shameful homer for Denver. One last note: don't ride the train. There is a big man near the exits who shakes you upside down to make sure they got all your money before you can exit. 
4. SICK - Everyone either puked or was attacked by severe rectal vomiting during the trip.
5. MOUNT VERNON - I'd say this is a must-see if you are going to D.C. The new museum added in 2007 was tremendous and inspirational. It held the kids attention. Heck it held my attention. The sub woofers in the theater literally shake your seat (Yep). The house and grounds were lovely. I'd say avoid the boat ride. Not exactly worth the fee. 
6. OCEAN CITY - Nasty waves, nasty rip tide and me, the nasty dude. My burial in the sand by the children was foiled by my subsequent resurrection, much to the astonishment of curious onlookers. 
7. HERSHEY PARK - I thought it would be small, but compared to Elitch's this was a big time amusement park. Disregarding the tour of the chocolate factory (I doubted they had a waterfall), I set out on a quest. A QUEST FOR FUN! Even though the adults hated me, I made it on 7 of 8 major roller coasters at the park and still squeezed in some parental moments (SUPER VATER). Mr. Gator was a trooper, but eventually ran out of gas. Thanks to my brilliance, the key to the van was lost, but by some miracle it was turned into the lost and found. Thus having avoided utter familial disaster I proceeded to drive back to D.C. arriving at 2AM thanks to my sheer intestinal fortitude. 
8. SLEEP - My theme park heroics were followed with a day of sleeping on various couches around the house and watching bizarre French films on Netflix.

YOU HANGERS!!!

So that was it in a nutshell. I've typed all of this out not because you give a rip about my vacation, but to prove I did something other than work for a week. Had my sister not been at the helm of planning, I would have just played Wii and watched movies. My life is the better for it. Not to mention the obscene doughnuts we had. Now, onto the slide show!  

Book & Movie Club - Iteration Whatever

Time to breakdown of my latest reads & viewings. (Can you stand the excitement?)

Brave New World - I took this down via PDF on my iBooks app on my iPhone during my iVacation. Everything is better with an "i" in front of it.After reading 1984 about a year ago, I felt I was obligated to go to opposite end of the dystopia spectrum and get reacquainted with this book. (I must confess I never actually read it in high school). For any unfamiliar with the plot, this book is about a perfect future society that has done away with pain and problems through technology and drugs. A savage man from an uncivilized reservation is brought to the Brave New World and havoc ensues.

While I was reading this I kept asking myself would I prefer to live in the 1984 world or this one? I'd like to think I'm tough enough to fight big brother and survive the Ministry of Love and perhaps change the world; but ultimately I'd probably choose to have a boring job, no family a bunch of ultra 3-D movies and Soma vacations. If I rebelled against the system, I'd just have to go live with some other interesting people and die.

For you LDS people, if Satan had his way and got to execute his plan would it look more like 1984 or Brave New World? Personally I don't think anyone would sign up for 1984, but if we were tricked into it, it would be a way to inflict maximum pain and misery on people so I'd have to vote for that one.

Ultimately, the Savage in the this book goes crazy, whipping himself every time he thinks a perverse thought and commits suicide after some bizarre orgy. So neither science or religion (if they have to be set against each other) comes out looking like a winner in this book. [This doesn't exactly make up for not reading the book in Mr. Fair's class, but better late than never].

Murder on the Orient Express - I listened to this a few days ago while driving to Grand Junction. I knew nothing of the plot and really enjoyed it. I must admit, I didn't remotely see the solution and felt like my brain was a pretzel trying to keep track of the facts. The investigator Hercule Poirot (far more enjoyable than Robert Langdon) is a great character with his sense of humor and wit. After finishing, I decided to watch the movie and see the 1974 adaptation. It was in a word: TERRIBLE. I thought it would live up to Murder on the Nile, but it was dreadfully boring and I fell asleep. 

Dinner for Schmucks -  I saw the French version of this over a year ago and expected the American version to be terrible, but I was mildly surprised. I often find a movie is worth my time if there is one character that grabs my imagination and makes me laugh. In this flick it was Kieran, the modern artist with "ANIMAL MAGNETISM."

This guy just cracked me up. He seemed vaguely familiar to me and later that night I shot up in bed and pronounced to my befuddled Boss that he was the actor was from the Flight of the Chonchords, famous for their unplugged hit, "Business Time." The mind control guy was awesome too. This movie left me in stitches and wondering who I want to be for Halloween this year.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World - If you are prone to seizures, don't see this movie. Its a very unique film, played out like a video game with endless pop-ups and lots of teen angst music. The first 10 seconds of the 8-bit Universal logo and theme song set the stage perfectly. Of course, I loved it. I was even more surprised that the Boss loved it. Perhaps more than me. Some random thoughts as I watched this:

1. Since when is some Goth chick worth fighting for?
2. I think the Asian girlfriend was Cho Chang from HP. If so, she was tiny in this movie. That makes Dan Radcliffe even smaller in real life.
3. Brandon Routh has acted once again!!! Now he is an evil super-powered Vegan bass player. Almost unrecognizable from his days as the man-o-steel. 
4. I need to give up on reality and enjoy the show. 
5. The 1-up, replay was a gamer's delight. Very well done. (you'll have to see it).
6. The use of Zelda music in several scenes nearly brought my inner child to tears.
7. This is a perfect example of how Sesame Street empowered a generation of idiots with short attention spans.

Ultimately, this is a very interesting movie. Its very high energy and got a bit tedious (for me) but if you love video games and randomness, this should be in your wheel house.

 A-Team - Much better/funnier than expected.

Our Poor Stable

Traning Camp, day 1 and both our #1 and #2 running backs go down with injury. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5438332. And now we're turning to our home grown lard-eater to solve our problems? Something is wrong. Its as though our poor stable of running backs has been cursed. I've wondered about this before in a prior post and called for a public execution of the training staff: http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2008/12/we-dont-deserve-to-win.html. Alas, I have a new theory.

A Death Eater has jinxed the job of Tailback.

Like You-Know-Who jinxing the Defense against the Dark Arts job, our tailbacks have been cursed. But when did this all start? Didn't we used to have the best rushing attack in the leauge? Auto 1,000 yard rushers? When did it all change? I can tell you. The brutal trade of Clinton Portis for Champ Bailey in March 2004. Shannahan believed he was invincible at running back and could plug anyone in there. But this isn't the universe getting even or bad Karma, the real reason our tailbacks are constantly injured is becuase Clinton Portis is a Death Eater who felt shunned by the organization and jinxed the job. Here is a hereto unreleased photo of Clinton at a night club in D.C.

It all fits!! This is why Bowlen inexplicably fired Shanahan!! He knew about the curse and hoped that by firing Shanahan and hiring some arrogant 33 year-old doomed to failure that he could break the spell. But Clinton is more powerful than that. As if a man who wears fluffy fur coats to football games could undo the powerful spell of a Death Eater. I believe the real power of the jinx lies with Bailey. Our poor stable will be cursed until we get rid of Champ who was the reason for Clinton's dismissal. I love the guy, but we sold our soul for him and the Death Eaters have made us pay. I'll be glad to get our stable back when his contract expires at the end of this season.

Nothing is what it Seems / TS3 Review

Last night I finished the dishes and settled down to watch the Spanish Prisoner while the Boss went shopping for school supplies. She proclaimed her mission to be top-priority. Absolutely Critical. I chided her that she'd be back by 10PM. Boy was I wrong.


First off, I'm watching a movie drier than the Sahara desert with no score (which was good at first, but them I got frustrated that no one was telling me what to feel, so I got upset) and is full of things that are not what they seem. At about 10:15, the Boss calls and tells me she's been watching the Bachelorette for like 3 hours, no shopping done. ???? I'm ready to go look in the mirror and see if I'm the same person and check that the kids are still in bed. Even if it was school supplies, I've never known her to shut down shopping alone, away from my whining and the kids. And for the Bachelorette... Absolute Scandal.

Not really. I'm exaggerating. I'm actually happy she went and did something for her, even if it FREAKED ME OUT. But I blame it on the movie. Not her. (No... never). The question is, will I see it coming the next time or get duped like the Boy Scout in the movie? And what's with Steve Martin playing a rich jerk who isn't funny? Another crime against nature. However, I did enjoy the film, except the ending seemed to wrap up too quickly.

TOY STORY 3

99% on the RT meter usually means a good film and TS3 was no exception. I'll admit the Toy Story movies don't hit the same nerves for me as Ratatouille, Up or even Wall-e'd. (Yes, I just said computer generated kids movies make me emotional). But I cry over everything. - Right Boss? Except this movie. It was good, but no Pixar tears. I guess my NES was more dear to me than GI Joe's or naked barbies. Speaking of which, Ken and Barbie steal this installment. However, I still like TS2 a bit more, simply for the Zurg stuff. My inner fan-boy rejoiced. If you are one the 10 people left in America that haven't seen this yet, I applaud you for being different. I hope you feel better about yourself and can abstain until red box or maybe forever. Become a TS3 Nun. You may not be what you seem.

P.S. - Dear Boss,
Please remmeber there are flowers on that AMAZING wood table that you found on a crazy good sale in the kitchen.

Mash-up: Toy Story 3: Inception

Thanks to Glee, everyone is now into mash-ups, which I've come to enjoy. Thanks to some more wonderful editing; two of my favorite movies from this summer have become one. Almost as good as peanut butter and chocolate.