Wednesday, August 31, 2011

DEFIANCE

The Gator is reaching what I like to call the Houdini stage of childhood. The little mechanical engineer in their brain starts to wake up and realize they can open doors, get out of car seats, bake cookies, light the cat on fire and refuse to take naps or go to bed.

So the Boss and I have begun the Battle of the Blanket with Gator. After several victories, I decided to put one of those "Childproof" handle covers on his doorknob inside his bedroom so he can't get out. Most of us adults know you can break them off by splitting them from the middle. So does Gator.

The Boss called me at work today to let me know that shortly after putting him in his room for his nap, she sat down with Coco for a restful feeding. But moments later, a little head rounded the corner. He gave her a stern "you shouldn't have done that" glare and threw the two halves of the cover in her face at the same time.

But this is not an isolated incidence.

A week after Coco's arrival, I went to church with the family. During the opening hymn, I was asked to help the Deacons with the Sacrament. Without thinking I jumped up leaving the Lizard to watch El Burr and Gator. Well, this had been a tough week for the Man-cub and this act of treason by his dad was too much. I got a tap on the shoulder from Jake who informed me that my son was "throwing" a fit.

Apparently, moments after I left the bench (hard to hear all of this with the music going), Gator yelled "NO!" and with both arms threw his toy box cars across the aisle at an unsuspecting parishioner. He then proceeded to pick up the hymnals and throw them over the bench and on the floor. He them picked up my scriptures and  tossed them at the family behind us. At this point, with great reluctance, Jake called on me to stop the fracas.

This is a great example of how the people in my congregation failed me. With all of the smartphones in the room not one person captured this event. Sure, we can catch all of those ignoramus athletes when the do something stupid, but catching a shot-put exhibition in the middle of Sacrament meeting is apparently too much to ask. I'm sure this would have gotten 1M hits if it could have been captured. But all I have is the re-created memory in my head.

I'm pleased to say Gator hasn't resorted to violence against Coco, but he sure is throwing a fit. The following video embodies the spirit of this month for the Gator:

Friday, August 05, 2011

I hate QB Controversies

The NFL lockout is over, football is back and all I get from my local talk radio is this:

Q: What do you guys think about John Fox as the new head coach?
A: Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton win now Tim Tebow Kyle Orton I'm better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Dolphins Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow fans Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Jockey Underwear Kyle Orton $9M Tim Tebow Kyle Orton

Q: How do you think the Defense looks this year with Vaughn Miller and new Free Agents?
A: Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton win now Tim Tebow Kyle Orton I'm better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Dolphins Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow fans Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Jockey Underwear Kyle Orton $9M Tim Tebow Kyle Orton

Q: What do you think of the offensive line, McGahee and running the ball more?
A: Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton win now Tim Tebow Kyle Orton I'm better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow intangibles Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Dolphins Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton better Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow fans Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Kyle Orton Tim Tebow Jockey Underwear Kyle Orton $9M Tim Tebow Kyle Orton

This is what all this talk is doing to Broncos fans everywhere: