Kid History

There are a bunch of these but this was my favorite. My face hurt I was laughing so much. ENJOY!!!



Is it just me or do these guys seem right out of Provo?

Better Marriage Blanket

While I'm on the kick of AWESOME commercials, check this out.

"The same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons." - AWESOME. Guess what the boss is going to get me for Christmas? Much less humiliating than that blasted nose hair trimmer - which I have never used.

But wait! - I'm not so sure this blanket is a marriage saver. It might even be a marriage destroyer. If I were a cruel husband, I could see this blanket being used as a WMD when the "covered wagons" come to town unexpectedly. (MWHAHAHAHAH!)

This begs the question, how long would I have to sleep on the couch if I employed this special blanket in a prank? Is it even forgivable? I previously posted on an article that said crimes of betrayal in the marraige bed are essentailly unforgivable. I think going covered wagons with this blanket qualifies. So women, consider the consequences before you rush out to the store to buy one of these for the man you unfortunately sleep next to.

Gator's Next Christmas

I would have killed for this as a kid.



Needless to say, if I can find one on Ebay, Gator will be thrilled next Christmas as we turn our yard into Swiss Cheese.

Movie Club: Limitless

Welcome back to my movie club of one. I just saw Limitless, a great origin film about a contemporary superhero with no tights, slogans or comic book affiliation. What is his power? The hero is given a drug called NZT which allows him to access 100% of his brain, rather than the 1%-10%  humans normally do. This allows him to remember every martial arts move in a fight or fact about the stock market when trading. The downside is coming off the high and becoming a drug addict. The movie has a good pace, some fun editing and Bradley Cooper does a great job as an addict. I heartily recommend the film. Now, I'll get into my rant after watching the movie. Spoilers ahead and you'll get completely lost if you are unfamiliar with LDS doctrine.

At the end of the movie, the smartest guy in the world goes into politics??? OK. That's not my real issue. At the end of the movie, the hero used his uber-brain to refine the drug and make it safe and non-addictive. I started wondering, if a pill like that was available, would I take it? Yes. I think I would. Then the Boss said, what if the Church said no? And I wondered, if the church said no, does that mean God want us to be stupid?

I believe the capacity to use our minds to the full extent is there, why do we not do it or have it? Is the test of choosing to love God and our fellowman, keeping the commandments and enduring to the end easier if we are dumb? If we have too much intellect would the trial of faith be too easy? Or perhaps it would be too difficult? Nephi says:

"O that cunning plan of the evil one! O the vainness, and the frailties, and the foolishness of men! When they are learned they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves, wherefore, their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not. And they shall perish.

But to be learned is good if they hearken unto the counsels of God."

From this, I get that being smart is a good thing, if you are obedient. So why not send everyone to Earth with 100% brain activity? Clearly the veil is meant to separate us from the vast majority of what we have in our minds. Think about it. We've existed for a very, very long time and probably have massive amounts of knowledge in there somewhere. Would 100% brain activity mean we could remember the pre-existence and make the test of mortality pointless? I think this may be the case. The veil allows us to see what's in our hearts, not our minds.

We came here to get bodies, which carry tremendous power. I like to think of life as a driving test to see what type of car we can be entrusted with. Consider cars described in D&C 88:28-32:

"They who are of a celestial spirit shall receive the same body which was a natural body; even ye shall receive your bodies, and your glory shall be that glory by which your bodies are quickened.

Ye who are quickened by a portion of the celestial glory shall then receive of the same, even a fulness.

And they who are quickened by a portion of the terrestrial glory shall then receive of the same, even a fulness.

And also they who are quickened by a portion of the telestial glory shall then receive of the same, even a fulness.

And they who remain shall also be quickened; nevertheless, they shall return again to their own place, to enjoy that which they are willing to receive, because they were not willing to enjoy that which they might have received."

Is it possible that only the Celestial quickening brings 100% brain activity? Jesus continued from grace to grace until he received a fullness (D&C 93:12-17). His example on earth was not to go make a ton of cash or scientific discoveries. He was the superhero with 100% brain activity and he chose to focus on the worth of souls.

I'll admit, I walked out of that movie wishing I could learn a language in 1 day, create the food replicator or run around like Neo saying: "I know Kung-fu." But after thinking about it, all I need to do stay the course and help others along the way. One day I'll get the keys to that Celestial car and then it will be off to the races.

Olympic Oafing



Traditional Running

Since my back recently healed I returned to working out with Dave at World of Beautiful Bodies. He informed me the gauntlet had been thrown at him to complete an Olympic Triathlon - which consists of a consecutive:

• 0.93 mile swim
• 24.8 mile bike ride 
• 6.2 mile run

Some of you may remember I've done a few practice Spirit Triathlons which is the Olympic distance cut in half. Naturally I can't resist the challenge, so I broke out the Rocky music and started training. On Friday I took on the 1 mile swim in the pool and focused on limiting my use of legs to save them for the bike and run. Needless to say my upper body was on fire when I finished. Saturday morning I got up at 6AM, plotted out my six mile run and assaulted the course.

Or maybe the course assaulted me. If there is one thing I hate doing, its running. Most folks consider four general speeds or gears for bipedal human forward motion. Walking, jogging, running and sprinting. But during this run, I discovered I fit into a new classification:

• Sprinting
• Running
• Jogging
• Oafing - ME
• Walking



Oafing

What exactly is Oafing? Imagine you are driving down the street and see some uncoordinated, has-been dude over 200 lbs moving slowly down the sidewalk. He isn't walking, but the pace is too slow to be jogging. His face is beat red and a mask of determined agony. You wonder if he is in trouble or disturbed. Before dialing 911, you figure whatever this guy's problem is, he'll stop moving soon and you drive on past. That my friends is what its like to witness OAFING.

Yes, I oafed my way to six miles with no walking and the quest for Olympic Glory has begun. Of course, that will all change once I buy my multi-purpose speedo to wear throughout the race. Until next time, happy oafing to all.