If I were a Communist Singer

Guaranteed happiness if you sing along with me:

Perhaps this video alone demonstrates why we won the Cold War. I'm forbidden to embed this, but it is truly worth your while Comrade. Its a Seinfeld espisde about Santa becoming a Communist. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O6PdecBn2no&feature=related

Thank you Seinfeld. And thank you gentle reader for supporting my Horcrux as it reaches 200 Posts!!

Tron Again

Tron Legacy was the one movie I was super geeked-out over this year. Light bikes, disc battles, awesome body suits... Daft Punk; sounds like a recipe for success. And for the most part it was.

This sequel seems to follow the spirit and general direction of the first film with great results in the first half, but some dull moments in the second. In other words, all of the good action takes place in the first half and the second is devoted to weak plot development that isn't very fulfilling. For example, the first movie starts in reality, guy gets zapped, battles in the games, finds allies, runs from a power crazed program through a virtual world, has some boring moments, then battles the evil program at the end near a column of light to get back to reality. To anyone who saw the first movie you should be having dejavu right now.

Yes, this movie was not so much about plot as special effects and dare I say style? I love modern art and contemporary design so this was my cup of tea. Visually, many sequences were gorgeous. I loved it. The action sequences were great and we even got one drop of blood. These days, I tend to want more plot development and less action; but the visuals are so cool that I'd rather just watch tons of battles than hear people talk about the genocide of digital Isotopes.The first half of this movie and the battle sequences easily justify going to see this movie.

Like the first film, this one has some classic scoring done by Daft Punk, who make a cameo appearance in the film. It was a combo of Hans Zimmer and their music. Needless to say I was loving it, even if it seemed comical at times. I can only imagine how odd it may sound 25 years from now. 

Now onto some odd musings about the film. Since this is a digital world made up of programs, why is there such a sensual element to all of the people? I doubt they reproduce... what is the point of all those crazy tight clubbing outfits and make-up? In fact, why do programs even go clubbing? I suppose its because they are a reflection of the users who designed them and their AI is based on our gender roles and attitudes?

My favorite part of this film is hands down THE BACHELOR PAD. If I ever get a billion dollars, I want a huge condo at the top of a mountain with backlit flooring and a digital screen on the porch. I nearly cried out with anguish when I though Clu was going to trash the place.

This is a visually dark film. 3D requires an even darker than normal theater making this a 2 hour dark-fest. Perfect for a wild date night or a nap. SO DON'T SEE THIS IN 3D. I DON'T RECALL ONE MEMORABLE 3D EFFECT. I AM SICK OF HOLLYWOOD SHOVING THIS TECHNOLOGY DOWN MY THROAT!!! Unless you are James Cameron and spend 10 years making a movie to have consistent bona-fide 3D effects don't bother. I'm never paying the extra $5 again.

On a whole, I was a bit disappointed in this flick, but the action sequences, style and music still make it one of my favorite movies of the year. The door is wide open for a sequel that could deal with the idea of digital intelligences and the virtual world merging with ours. THAT is the movie I'm looking forward to... assuming someone sits in front of one of those digitizing lasers again.   

Crippled & Alone

I recently related the tale of my first date with the Boss and was asked the subsequent question: How long did it take you to fall in love? My answer:

"It only took a few sips of the Kool-Aid to get me hooked."

Last week I traveled for work and wound up missing my Kool-Aid and just when I got home, it had to leave. The Kool-Aid's reasons for leaving are very good and I'm glad she's helping others in need, but I miss my sugar all the same.

So with reluctance I took her and the Gator to DIA before sunrise for a 6AM flight. Once I got home with # 1 & #2, I decided to pick up the house and fill the Mr. Mom role with dignity.

Then it happened.

I slipped down the stairs and in a flash of dexterity, caught myself at the landing. I was pleased with avoiding an EPIC FAIL and proceeded to pick up the house. However, I noticed my lower back was a bit sore... after a hot shower it was worse... by 10:00 AM I was at Walgreen's buying a back brace, Bio-Freeze and Epsom Salts. I popped 4 Advil and pressed on with work.

Later that night I tried some stretching and heat. Then the pain became terrible and for some crazy reason I started watching a show about the rise of the 3rd Reich. (I have a bit of a masochistic streak). I decided not to tell Kool-Aid about my affliction since it would only make her feel guilty. Of course, the Lizard told her that night on the phone and I got a ton of advice.

The next 18 hours were pathetic. Some examples:

• I actually took a bath in Epsom salts hoping for relief. I probably should have drunk a vial of Lion's blood at midnight to get the same results. Being a big dude in a small tub with a bad back is a painful, awkward moment I'm not proud of. 
• I needed help with basic things like picking up items off the floor, putting on socks, pants, etc. Had Kool-Aid been here, her help might have created some endearing, bonding moments. But asking your 7 or 9 year-old kid just makes them doubt your ability as a provider and a man. No father ever wants to hear his kid say, "I feel sorry for you."  
• Stealing my kid's full body pillow so I could sleep with it between my knees and ankles. 
• At the office I had to use my golf putter as a cane to get around without falling. 
• My financial planner took pity and delivered a tube of Icy Hot to me at the office.
• In general, everyone who sees me goes "awwww" are you OK?  

I'd had enough. I went to the chiropractor for the first time in my life and had a dude put my legs in positions that I'm not sure they've ever gone before. He essentially told me my injury wasn't that bad and to quit being a total pansy. As a parting gift they hooked me up to some electro-muscle-stimulificator on my back. That was EPICALLY AWESOME. I should be thankful for being smitten by the universe at a very busy time of the year with high work stress and medical problems. The Ghost of Christmas Back Pain has helped me see the light and realize; all I want for Christmas is a tall glass of Kool-Aid and no help from my kids.

If I Were a Fisherman

This video sums up what my career would look like if I became a professional fisherman.

McFired

Merry Christmas!! Just heard on the radio that "McMastermind" is being released by the Broncos. Owner Pat Bowlen cited results and the direction the team was headed. I'm no football expert, but these two issues weren't just reasons to fire McDaniels, they were practically blood on turf of Mile High screaming for retribution!

1. Results - Since the mythical 6-0 start, the team is 5-17 the worst streak in the modern era for the franchise. Results? indisputably horrible.
2. Direction - This is the big one. We had a perfectly good offense when this guy came to town and a sub-par defense. Fix the D, tweak the O and get into contention right? Wrong.
• Why not get rid of anyone that looks at you funny or says Shannahan's name without spitting afterward? - Done
• Get rid of crybaby franchise quarterback? - Done
• Trade away best receiver? - No problem
• Get rid of punishing runner and draft picks for male model who makes more than the starting quarterback? - oh yes we did
• Spend 1st round pick on questionable QB to back up sitting duck and male model? Why not?
• Whew! After all that drama, the QB position is finally buttoned down.  
• Use other 1st round pick on receiver to replace Marshall? - Of course. We can fix the defense with veterans that wear out after week 7!
• Pick up / retain as many aged defenders as possible? - Done and Done. Average age over 30!
• Improve the defense - Nooooooo.... We'll get to that in year 5 after fixing the terrible offense inherited.
•  Cheat to win games with SPYGATE II... uh... YEAH!!!

Bowlen said, "The decision to make a change was extremely difficult but one that needed to be made for this organization and our fans."

Well said Pat. It appears the lights are still on. Good luck firing this guy with clause and getting your money back. Thank you and MERRY CHRISTMAS.