Stolen Memories

This is part of an email from the past where I described my car being stolen from our driveway. I'm posting it here for those who may have never heard the story.

Prolouge - It all started one fine morning as I marched out the door to hop into my Honda Civic and battle my way to work. The only problem was that my car was not in the driveway. I marched back into the house thinking Julie was playing a practical joke on me. Her family loves stuff like that. Of course she denied it and we laughed. I accused her again, another denial and we laughed. Finally, I said "Seriously. I have to get to work. Where is the car?" No laughing. We searched the street and it was gone. I called the cops and they had the gaul to tell me they would likely find it within a week. Riiiight. But to my shock and astonishment, we got a call about a week or so later from the police department saying they had found my car. Here is my reaction:

Justice has been served. [THUD] Around 11:00 AM the cops called Julie to tell them they found our car and had 2 suspects in custody. The thieves had stolen 3 civics and left them in a parking lot (covered at least) in an older apartment complex. I went to claim the vehicle and assess the damages. My plates and registration were gone, AND THEY EVEN TOOK THE FLIPPIN NUGGETS LICENSE PLATE COVER!! WHO ARE THESE SICK PEOPLE??? All of my CDs were there, (what? they didn't want Jesus the Christ and 2 sessions of General Conference? What about my lame techno music? They didn't even want that. -- that may be the most insulting thing in this whole fiasco). Overall, the "perps" got to joy ride in my car, kill my ignition, steal my front right signal and go to jail (hopefully). But look at what I got when the car was reclaimed!

1. Set of hardwood nunchucks

2. Empty container of strawberry milk

3. Green crowbar

4. The coat hanger used to break into my car

5. One black glove

6. Cigarette buttock (and they gave me a new lighter - oh joy)

7. Tan jacket

8. A black bra

9. A pirated CD entitled: "Good Sh** -- Kyle's Mix" (full of Ozzy, AC/DC, Metallica -- you were right Mom. Naughty people do listen to that music) and finally...

10. I can now start the car with a screwdriver!!! (how cool is that?)

The healing process can now begin. It wasn't my fault. And like the chick says on "Red Eye" -- never again. [as I slam a pencil in the throat of the perps].