Stranger Things - My New Retro Obession

Like everyone else, I've embraced the zeitgeist surrounding Stranger Things on "Netflakes." This show was love at first note. That theme song and opening sequence hooked me like handcuffs slapped on by T.J. Hooker himself.

I love the 80s. I loved that stupid VH1 show too. Feathered hair cuts, mustaches, aqua net bangs, the NBA, cheesy action films, aerobics and more. But today I celebrate the return of of synth music. Perhaps the greatest musical contribution of the decade. So I had to get more of my theme song and found this song on Soundcloud. It must be experienced or you are dead to me.




OK. That was awesome. But it gets better. Thanks to the link above I discovered a retro synth artist known as Timecop1983. Check it out. Bodaciously radical. Ferris would approve.

  

While I'm thinking about Time Cop, some of you may remember this was a JCVD film back in the day (Jean Claude Van Dame). Here is a review of Bloodsport that employs a matrix for analyzing all of his films. Its simply brilliant. 

5.0 out of 5 stars - The one that put JCVD on the map!

ByJasonVINE VOICEon August 30, 2008

The Jean Claude Van Damme Review Matrix (JCVD-RM) 

1. Who is he? Frank Dux, American martial arts expert
2. Which family member/friend must be avenged? His friend Ray gets beatdown and ends up in the hospital
3. Does he take his shirt off? He has his shirt off nearly the entire movie
4. Does he have sex with a C-List actress? Yes. Some cute, but anonymous blond.
5. Is there a tournament? Only the baddest tournament in the world: The Kumite
6. Is training needed for this tournament? No...he's already awesome
7. Does he do the splits in training or in the tournament? Several times
8. Does he punch someone in the balls? Let's just say he puts an unfortunate sumo wrestler's balls about a foot higher than normal
9. Does he do a series of flying or 360 kicks? Yes, and nobody dodges them
10. Is his enemy unbeatable? Chong Li (Bolo Yeung) holds all the records, has killed people in the tournament, and makes other black belts wet themselves...so, yeah
11. Does he overcome an injury or other hindrance? Chong Li throws salt in his eyes and Dux is blinded
12. Does he win? Not only does he win, but he forces Chong Li to say matte

Happy 80s Retro Synth to all of you and I'm impressed if you managed to keep reading this far.

Weekend Warrior 2016 Part II

Once again the Norse Gods have conspired to send my Boss off on a quest to defeat Ragnarok with her perfect shapely legs... but leaving me alone with the mess I created.

So I determined to have the most effective, powerful, kick-butt Saturday of all times. I started out making the list on Friday night.

YEAH. She said that!! Now as Ben Franklin rolls in his grave, let's turn to a legit contemporary wise man on the art of war:

ONE OF THE TOP 3 PSEUDO APOSTLES OF THE MORMON CHURCH!!!

I've learned from the best and my goals are set. Here is the list of me putting some insane deposits in the home bank account.

• 8:00 AM - Answer the bell on last minute request for manly Elder's Quorum help. 
• I showed up anticipating a 2 hour struggle against a nasty garage; all I found was a 10x10 area of floor that needed to be painted. I laughed and left it to the others. Nice start!
• Visit THE DONUT and pick up 2 dozen circles of doom. 1 for my friend's family with a sick baby in the hospital, the second for my kids, because I am the greatest Dad in the history of sports. 
• There was much rejoicing. 
• Fix all of the wobbliest patio furniture on the planet. 
• Tightened every stupid bolt and screw on the table and chairs made by the Viet Cong. Even a morbidly obese man like me can now sit and eat without fear in my back yard. Winning.
• I even scored some wood oil and spent and hour going to town. Grammie helped! 
• Manually aerate trouble spots on the lawn and apply patch master mulch. 

• DONE. 
• Program garage door and fix the Boss's home-link in her vehicle so she can start parking in the garage. 
• Nailed it in like 5 minutes. I'm on fire!
• Fix my sunglasses. 
• After examination I determined they were crap and threw them away. 
• Scrub all the toilets and tubs in the house
• Got the Lizard to do this after I pulled her out of bed at 12:30... PM.  
• Propane tank exchange
• Slaughtered. 
• Install USB and plug outlet in the kitchen
• My back nearly froze in that bent over position, but success was mine. 
• Acquire and assemble a full yard of solar accent lights. 
• Full of Win. Boss may get ticked about my fetish, but I love me some lighting!
• Costco Run on a Saturday
• Destroyed it. 
• Fix broken handles on the kid's vanity
• Took another blasted trip to Home Depot and a creative washer, but I overcame. 

Then around 5PM I'm told my bathtub is once again leaking into the downstairs ceiling, there is a huge pool of water and I've got a major problem on my hands. Can I just say ---