Top 20 Quotable Comedies

In case I die tomorrow I want my kids to know what movies made me laugh out loud. Comedies never seem to get ultimate critical praise and "great" movies are often judged by how often they make you come back for another viewing. For me, the most re-watchable movies are comedies and I practically live some of them by quoting them on a non-stop basis. Some films which are more crass than others rank lower as you can't quote them in many settings (if at all). One could say the quotability measures the greatness of a comedy. So with that in mind, I now give my top 20. But before I begin, I'll start with some honorable mentions:


Honorable mentions:
Anchorman
Austin Powers
Waiting for Guffman

20. Dr. Strangelove - No yelling in the war room! We must protect our bodily fluids...

19. Blazing Saddles - Badges? We don't need no stinking badges!

18. Clue - You see? Like the Mounties, we always get our man. / Mrs. Peacock was a man?

17. Airplane - Surely you can't be serious! / I am serious... and don't call me Shirley.

16. The 3 Amigos - Would you say I have a PLETHORA of Pinatas?

15. Fletch Lives - Look out you demons, DEMONS OUT!!!

14. Happy Gilmore - You like THAT old man? You want a piece of ME? / I don't want a PIECE of you... I want the whole THING!

13. Zoolander - I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is. / What is this?? A center for ants?!?

12. UHF - Lesbian Nazi Hookers Abducted by UFOs and Forced Into Weight Loss Programs... all next week on Town Talk!

11. The Princess Bride - It's possible, Pig, I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable, vomitous mass, that I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But, then again... perhaps I have the strength after all.

10. Dumb & Dumber -  I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.

9. Robin Hood (Disney) - SEIZE THE FAT ONE!!!

8. Spaceballs -  I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. / What's that make us? / Absolutely Nothing!

7. Better off Dead - Two dollars! / I've been going to this high school for seven and a half years. I'm no dummy. / Now that's a real shame when folks be throwin' away a perfectly good white boy like that.

6. Ferris Buller's Day Off - Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude. / The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It's a good non-specific symptom; I'm a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but, uh... you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor's office. That's worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you're bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

5. Napoleon Dynamite - Your mom goes to college / I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? /  It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic. / This is pretty much the worst movie ever made.

4. Monty Python & the Holy Grail - Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. / What are you gonna do, bleed on me? / VICTORY IS MINE! / And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu... SHUT UP WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!

3. Nacho Libre - Did you tell them they were the Lord's Chips? / So, let's get down to the nitty-gritty / GET THAT CORN OUTTA MY FACE! / Maybe I am not meant for these duties... dead guy duty. / Just because I believe in science / Anaconda squeeeeze! / Sometimes when you are a man... you wear stretchy pants.

2. Fletch (I'm biased, but with excellent reason) -  Moon River! whew.. You using the whole fist, Doc? / John Cock... tos... ton. / Look, defenseless babies! / Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo. / Provo Spain? ... Utah. / I'll have a Bloody Mary and a steak sandwich and... a steak sandwich, please. / Tierra Del Fuego! Fletch stands 6-5, 6-9 with the afro!

1. Christmas Vacation - Hey Griswold. Where do you think you're gonna put a tree that big? / Is your house on fire, Clark? / Burn some dust here. Eat my rubber. / Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead? / Clark, that's the gift that keeps on giving throughout the entire year. / RUSS!! - right here dad.