Mitt Rocks the Warrior's Gym

On the spur of the moment this evening I decided to attend a rally for Mitt "The Warrior" Romney. I generally do not talk politics on this blog but since I want an authentic Horcrux, I will record this event.

I'll start by saying its amazingly easy to put yourself in a position to kill a presidential candidate. I marched right into the gym of Arapahoe High School with no strip search and no questions asked. I was within 30 feet of Warrior Romney showing up just moments before he came on stage. Time travelers from the future take note.

But since I didn't care to shoot him, I listened and clapped, and even (GASP) screamed.

I have a hard time at these events. Mormons are trained to NEVER - EVER --- interrupt a speech with shouting or cheering. And we never, never, never clap after someone is done talking. Can you imagine people flipping out in General Conference? ... We will endure and keep the commandments .... WOOOOO!!!!! MONSON, MONSON, MONSON!!!

However this is the norm with political speeches. Unfortunately, Mitt's upbrining would not allow all of the rowdy fans to keep chanting "ROMNEY, ROMNEY, ROMNEY." At least he has a problem basking in the adulation of teeming masses large enough to fill a high school gym.

Mitt came prepared for us Coloradans and recited verses from America the Beautiful and pointed out it was written by a woman from Massachusetts on top of Pike's Peak. We are now bound to Warrior Romney forever this great state.

Some politician spoke about a story I've not heard about Mitt. Read the following: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2007/dec/28/mitt-romney/romney-did-help-save-teen/ 

Apparently Mitt is in the habit of going to the rescue. The speech was good, people cheered and everyone left lathered up, ready to do battle at the caucuses tomorrow. And yes, I can now tell my great grandchildren from my deathbed 150 years from now that I was there. And here is the video to prove it.



I broke some of my internal rules with this video see if you can spot the six people I know in this clip. And no, I don't know the scary looking lady.

Chronicle - THE MOVIE

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SPOILERS OR LEAVE THIS PATHETIC PLACE NOW. 

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OK. This movie was SICK. Blair Witch meets Heroes without all of the season 2 garbage. Three teens discover telekinetic superpowers from Superman's spaceship which they found inside a hole in the earth outside a sweet high school rave party. Are you dialed in yet?

Seriously, the documentary style really sucks you into the story so that by the time the action comes, you are totally invested in the superpowers as real. And for once, a movie was not afraid to make the politically correct victim become the bad guy or THE APEX PREDATOR.

I'm actually putting that as a huge plaque over Gator's bed

Yep. Go see this movie it rocks - especially the flight sequences. And no, there will not be a sequel unless too much money is involved and in that case, there will be a sequel. Regardless the ending was great. Apparently good movies are released this time of the year after all...

Suber Bowl XLVI & The Shiz

For you Mormon readers, here is some allegory on what happened in the Superbowl and a look into THE FUTURE. Brought to you by Nostra-Fletch-a-Damus!!!

Back in the day there was a dude known as  Coriantumr. This guy was tough. No matter how many times he went to battle or nearly bled to death, he always found a way to win... 
Until one day, some dude named Lib had enough of  Coriantumr  winning. Through a secret combination known as nepotism, he obtained the kingdom and fought  Coriantumr. They had battles but Coriantumr always got the best of Lib. Until one day, Lib died trying to beat Coriantumr. And the people were sad. 
But the brother of Lib rose up and began to layeth the smack down on Coriantumr. The brother was such a haas that a cry went up throughout the land: "Who can stand before the Army of Shiz? Behold, he sweepeth the earth before him!" 
The fighting continued, the bodies piled up and the smell was tremendously troubling. Eventually millions are assembled for mortal combat, women and children armed to the teeth and disemboweling each other. Finally after nearly every is chopped to pieces, Coriantumr slays Shiz by chopping his head off. Famously, Shiz tries to fight even after decapitation by raising up on his hands and gasping for breath. The end. 

So what does this have to do with SBXLVI???
Coriantumr - Tom Brady
Lib - Peyton Manning
Shiz - Eli Manning


Yes, Peyton was a mighty warrior, but could never defeat Brady. But once his brother got hold of a proper army, he rose up and became: 

THE SHIZ

OK Paul Harvey, now I'll give you the rest of the story. We can once again use the Book of Mormon to predict future American Football events as it is uniquely qualified to do so. 

The people of New England will become so incensed over the loss of Brady at the hands of Shiz they will assemble for mortal combat with the people of New York. Sounds crazy? Listen to Brady's wife:

"While making her way toward the elevator, Giants fans were harassing the supermodel, yelling that "Eli rules, Eli owns your husband." and she responded to her entourage. "You [need] to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time" 

It will be blood for blood as angry east coast women and children kill each other to prove which quarterback the love the most. After Brady kills Shiz thanks to good looks, charm and inability to bleed to death, aliens will come to the east coast from outerspace and Brady will teach them "The Patriot Way." 

And that's how Josh McDaniels will become the supreme puppet ruler of the earth for invading aliens that take advantage of us after the battle of Brady and Shiz. 

Signature Moves

This evening as I claimed my supper, I realized that my wife truly knows how to shake things up at the dinner table. Outside of her signature rotisserie chicken and salad combo, I never know what to expect. Open face Blue Cheese burgers with water cress or straight faced Lentil Soup.  Prior to marriage, I used to wonder why they have all of those recipes at the back of magazines. Now I know it was all for her. And then I realized her signature move in the kitchen is not chicken and salad, its the back end of Real Simple.

"What I say is true - anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great." - Chef Gusteau

Nearly everyone has a signature dish. My Mother had classics like Chicken Artichoke Casserole and Red Enchiladas, Dad had Cheese Souffle and I have cold cereal in an over sized bowl. I'd be happy to hear some of your favorites.

On a similar vein, should everyone have a signature scent? Until two months ago, the Boss thought all perfume smelled like grannies. But now I'm told she needs to establish her "signature scent." I don't know what it was called, but my mom definitely had one. My Dad had Lectric Shave and I have Swagger.

Baby don't change. Your signature move is to keeps it fresh by always mixing things up.

And yes, my signature move in Basketball is the ugly shot.

This House is Now Clear

Recently, I was informed of the following warning that pops up when my blog is visited:

The warning was due to my usage of Soundboard where I had compiled some favorite quotes. Since I can no longer use this portion of the internet as a mindless slave offering perfect execution of funny quotes on demand, I will now have to offer my personal services. Call my cell phone anytime you want to hear:

"ITS DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL!!!"

or

"They don't think I know a butt-load of crap about the Gospel but I DO."

So, until the Singularity occurs, these services will be yours free of charge.