The Future of Movie Franchises

And now for a taste of things to come:

Laugh all you want. This is the future. I'm excited for the 4 new movies to be made off of the final Batman film and my head is going to explode thinking about the Justice Leauge and the Avengers.

Turkey in the Eagle's Nest

Tonight I attended a Court of Honor and was obliged to join the "Eagle's Nest" where all those valiant in scouting to the rank of Eagle reside in glory. But some like me perch in shame.

Behind nearly every Eagle is a great threat. Here are some I've heard over the years:

• No driver's license till Eagle
• Can't participate in a sport or activity
• Denial of college support/tuition
• General shunning from parents outside of legally required support
• Pouring honey in hair while asleep (no joke)

I come from a line of Scouting. For my father, Scouts was like sports for me. Going to Philmont was like the Superbowl in Dallas with the big screen. His father got the Silver Beaver and by heaven, his offspring would have their Eagle. When he tragically died on the Klondike, my Eagle became not just a goal, but an unbreakable blood oath. So I add my threat to the list (never issued to me, but clearly implied by the Universe):

• DON'T SHAME THE MEMORY OF YOUR DECEASED FATHER WHO DIED IN THE ACT OF SCOUTING.

Even a boneheaded teenager can get that one... Barely. I got my life rank by the time I was 13 and it only took me a mere 5 years to complete my project and get my Eagle 2 days before turning 18. I pause now to thank the multiple leaders who made Herculean efforts to get my project approved, completed and written up. And it all starts as a cub scout getting their Bobcat badge and being flipped upside down.


A taste of things to come?

I think if the parents did over 70% of the work, the Eagle award should be presented while the father has the son in an excruciating arm bar. Then, the mother pins the badge directly into their son's flesh. The screams of agony would be like the birth of a new baby Eagle.  

I was free from shaming my father's memory, but I was now bound to a life of being a Turkey in the Eagle's Nest. Can I tie a bowline hitch? Throw a hatchet through a log at 25 yards? Repel dysentery through sheer intestinal fortitude? No.

I am a disgrace.

I don't own a scout uniform anymore. I don't fancy wearing hankies around my neck. I'm not sure I can name all of the ranks correctly in order right now or recite the scout law. I know many non-Mormons find our approach to rushing kids through the Eagle (such as me) disgraceful. So why do I sit in the Eagle's nest? My mother worked too hard for me not to. If I rejected the nest, I would be rejecting the sacrifice of my parents.

Will I impose the Eagle standard on my own son? No.

I will encourage him and help, but no threats. I declare this here and now in the presence of you three readers!!

Why? If he gets his Eagle, I want him to be able to hold his head up in the Eagle's Nest with clear eyes and a full heart. Able wrestle a bear into submission, lash massive towers together with elaborate knots and eat things that would make a Billy-goat puke. The way a real Eagle should be.

Comic Book Movies: For Chicks?

Last week I got to crash girls night out at the Wednesday night movies. They were planning to see THOR and I figured my man card would remain intact...

Boy was I wrong. Before tip-off the girls were already giggling over the hunky guy playing the legendary, ripped, THOR. Within one minute, Natalie Portman hits THOR with her van and seeing this stud on the ground exclaims, "Please don't be dead!"

That basically summed it up. To further my point, I know a high school senior who went to see this during some off periods in the middle of the day and reported the theater was FULL of women. How did we get here? I blame 300. Here is a quote from from firstshowing.net:

"For women, the entire movie is eye candy. For 2 hours you get to stare at the hottest guys with unbelievable 8-pack abs fighting tirelessly for their homeland wearing hardly any clothes. It's almost like "Guy's Gone Wild" (but, thank goodness, for the sake of men, it's not that bad). Even if you're not a big fan of Gerard Butler, you've got 299 others to choose from. I hope to see all you ladies out at the theaters this weekend! From what I've seen and what I've heard, these are pretty accurate and you'll be guaranteed a good time."

I'm sure studio execs love the idea of tapping the other 50% of the population to see their $200 million dollar movies. So this summer, we have the blond Norse Stud, effectively CGI naked Green Lantern and Captain Underwear Model (America). If I go see one of these movies with another guy, are we suddenly on a date?

Is there any hope? We have one Batman film left, which does not appear to pander to women the way some recent comic book films have. Next, Nolan will put his spin on The Man of Steel (I'm assuming fully clothed). But the door to the temple of comic book movies has been kicked in and chicks are overrunning the altar of man-movies.

If I were a Vegan in High School

This really does sound like the crap I used to listen to in HS. You have to stick with this for a few minutes to get the full effect!

Hawaiian Tourist

Eight days and a fierce ankle sunburn have brought our trip to the Hawaiian islands to a close. Here is a brief breakdown of the trip.

Friday – 3 connections to arrive at Oahu and scenic drive to the north to Turtle Bay, BYU Hawaii and the Polynesian Cultural Center (PCC). Constant Rain. Started temple session at 11:00 PM Denver time. Luckily we move from room to room, however I’m still nodding off toward the end. Best meal during the trip? The temple cafeteria. Pulled chicken and potato curry over rice with peas. May not sound special, but I kid you not… Perhaps atmosphere really is everything with food.

 

The PCC

Saturday – Mile swim in the pool during the monsoon. We intended to hit up the Hukilau Café for lunch as it was featured on Man vs. Food, but alas it is only open for breakfast. After cursing bitterly and spitting into the dust, we head over to the Laei Drive-In due to a good rating on Tripadvisor. It was grease upon grease. Totally disgusting. Fully lubed, we head over to look at the BYU Pineapple and then on to the PCC.

Polynesian Cultural Center – Upon pulling into the parking lot I realized this place is Disneyland but instead of Tomorrow Land and Frontier Land, you have areas for various island cultures such as Tonga, Samoa, Fiji, Hawaii, etc. Our BYU-P hosts take our “family” from village to village. It was an awesome day of throwing sticks at each other, swinging ceremonial balls and eating raw Poi. I especially loved the drum session in Tonga with audience participation and the Samoan presentation on how to harvest Coconuts. They actually had some kid book up a palm tree in a matter of 5 seconds. In an era full of litigation, I was pleased they had no safety harness or mats for this kid to fall on. Raw and authentic, just the way I like it. The Luau was great, aside from sharing it with 500 other guests and being herded through a buffet line. The raw Salmon was tasty and I loved the purple Poi based rolls. Of course the Kaluha pig roasted in the earth all day was perfectly moist and delicious.

I must say by the end of the Luau, I was pretty Poly’d out. But determined to get the full experience, we headed to the gift shop so we could pass an hour and attend the final event… HA – The Breath of Life. It was an amazing show, but our Denver clocks still registered 11:30 PM when the show started. After a host of dances blade throwing, Haka and 15 incredible fire dancers, I was done. But wait! We hung on long enough to rip a pearl out of the flesh of some poor oyster slave. We discarded its body and shell and proceeded back to Turtle Bay where I pulled the fork out of my abdomen and fell asleep.

Sunday – Happy Mother’s Day with no kids! After another hearty breakfast of oatmeal, we headed over to the chapel next to the Temple for Church. I have to say most Polynesians when they are stateside love to start a talk with “Brothers and Sisters, ALOHA!” (they then coach the audience to say ALOHA back – but its never enthusiastic enough). As the first speaker approached, I was prepared…

[Speaker] “Brothers and Sisters, aloha.”

[Congregation] aloha.

My heart sank. The vigor for a hearty ALOHA! reciprocation only appears to be necessary stateside. Back home, they only go through the motions so they don’t come off as fully hypocrites. Forcing me to sit back down, the Boss and I enjoyed the rest of the service being much edified by several musical numbers and colorful speakers.

Next we headed to Pearl Harbor. We took in the museums and the USS Arizona movie before taking a ferry to the memorial over the remains of the ship. Pretty sobering experience and my gratitude for those who served went up a couple of notches that day.

Week of 5/6-5/12 - Work conference. Being in the same place as last year felt like deja vu. On Thursday we got out on a catamaran and snorkeled for 2 hours. There was a family of 5 sea turtles that were amazing. But of course, I was unprepared with no underwater camera, so I have no proof. On Friday/Saturday we hit Front Street in Lahina and its 10,000 art galleries and ate at Cheeseburger in Paradise. - Yes, Kobe beef really is tasty. Especially when its wrapped in BACON.

I stopped crying long enough to take this photo

The flight home? I don't remember it because I hit two Unisom before the flight. It was good to get home. I missed the kids screaming at me and the good times we have together. May the spirit of ALHOA remain with you. Always.