Prima Drama

I'm hyper-ventilating into a bag as I type this. I'm sick of seeing the Broncos turn into the Raiders part Deux. Dove Valley is going up in flames, little bunnies are running in all directions screaming and no one seems to be able to put out the fire Pat Bowlen ignited with the firing of Mike Shannahan.

I see in the papers this morning that Jay Cutler has demanded a trade after the botched attempt to fire him in favor of Matt Cassell. Josh McDaniels got too happy with the wrecking ball and its now swung back into him... Homer Simpson style. DOH!!!

Honestly, I think I'm about to quit caring about this team for the next five years since we'll probably be a train wreck for that long. Am I sad we are likely to loose Cutler? Yes, he is a great talent. But the man clearly is no professional and a whining brat. To make his displeasure known, he has listed his 4BR, 7BA 7,516 SF house in Castle Pines on the market for sale at $2,000,000. He paid $1.34M for it in 2006. As an appriaser, his asking 49.25% increase in value over the last three years is absurd when prices have remained flat or declining during that time span. It is an insult to all homeowners in the Mile High City. The man clearly has his head in the clouds and lives in "everyone kisses my butt" land. This is the guy who's supposed to lead us back to a Championship? I predict he'll wind up drunk on a reality show.

It was a good run there. Nearly 30 years as one of the best run organizations in the league. Now we're the organizational equivalent of Terrel Owens. Let's replace the Bronco logo with the Satan Stallion out at DIA. May as well, since it appears the devil himself is trying to ruin my team.

P.S. - this is written in the heat of the moment and I reserve the right to quickly change my opinion and jump back on the bandwagon if it starts rolling again.

180 in Space

As many of you know, I'm old-school Star Wars fan. I've never dressed up for a show or gone to a convention, but I know the original trilogy so well I can practically quote it verbatim. When I was a kid, I begged my mom to put Sun-In into my hair so I could be blond like Luke Skywalker. Tom and I used to have violent, destructive pillow fights where we would shout things like, "MEET YOUR DESTINY!!" before hurling a pillow across the room. As I kid, I could be a Star Wars fan and it was cool. I never once had someone give me grief over it.

For whatever reason, I saw Star Trek differently. It just had 'nerdy' attached to it. Bill Shatner was busy ripping on it himself with SNL skits "You... Have you ever kissed a girl?" For me it was a lack of explosions, lightsabers, death-stars and Darth Vader. As a young kid those things got my blood boiling more than "beam me up" and people shooting each other with guns that looked like remote controls.

But the tide appears to be changing. First George Lucas decided to blaspheme his own creation and viloate a sacred rule found in Revelations 22:18-19 "DON'T ADD TO OR TAKE AWAY, FROM SACRED WORK!!!" I loathe the special editions of the original trilogy. He corrupted the greatest Saga ever and gave us a taste of the garbage to come (I have a bad feeling about this). We all know the pre-quel trilogy had some moments, but it is basically a poor Pixar movie with a few live actors trying to survive horrible plot and dialouge. Before we knew it, spoofs of Star Wars were everywhere and Darth Vader became the king of unintentional comedy with Youtube hits like Chad Vader. I won't even breathe on the Clone Wars movie. With Obi-Wan I lament... now the Jedi are all but extict.

Who can step foward and reclaim Space, the final fronter? None other than a re-boot of Star Trek, that looks very promising.

In my typical Nostradamus fashion, I predict the new Trek film will become what Star Wars fans were hoping for when the pre-quels came out. I see a revenge of the Nerds, the beginning of something we can all enjoy. I'm getting geeked out. Beam me up.

The Lana Zone

I used to watch Smallville, the story of Clark Kent (AKA Superman) on a regular basis. In this show, Clark is consistently pining over his childhood crush, Lana. She is wonderful, smart, sweet and innocent. All the good guys want to protect her and all the bad guys want to hurt her.

Gradually, the show looses sight of the "Hero" and becomes obsessed with Lana. She dominates the plot with 5 to 10 minute stretches of meaningless, tiresome and redundant dialogue... about feelings. Eventually, I joined the KILL LANA group hoping to remove her from the show so I could get my Man card back. Every time they pretended to kill her off, I rejoiced, only to have my hopes crushed when she kept retuning from the dead.

Women that annoy, die and return to life...

Smallville eventually fell of my radar due to the Lana syndrome. Ghastly piles of pointless, shriveled lip dialogue that only serve as filler material since special effects and plot are too expensive. That perfectly describes the last episode of Heroes, the show that replaced Smallville for me in the "comic book" department.

But alas, "All is not well in Zion." Heroes has a Lana. Her name is Claire Bennett. Here are the ways she takes us into the Lana Zone, where a good show become unbearable:

• "Save the Cheerleader, Save the World" - Yes every good guy wants to protect her and all the baddies want to kill her - cliche.
• Claire Bear is overly sweet and good intentioned like High Fructose Corn Syrup.
• Claire has issues with parents (real Dad AWOL), 2nd string dad works an odd job. Real Mom just got blown up, 2nd string Mom just admitted to having a crush on the Def Leppard bassist. None of them can make her happy. "I WANT AN UMPALUMPA NOW!!"
• She is constantly whining [peeling the skin off my body]
• Incessant speeches about trust, when she gives or inspires little of it.
• Always looking to prove herself and help people at her own peril, but just winds up in trouble, followed by more whining after being saved.
• Has a complex that her ultra cuteness is hurting people around her (yes the world does revolve around her -ugh).

Unfortunately, a show with the likes of Peter, Sylar, Nuclear Ted and Hiro Nakamura is constantly having its legs under-cut by a whiny, feelings obsessed brat. I have a confession to make: I skipped over every scene with Claire and Aqua-man last week and didn't feel like I missed anything.

This is still one of my favorite shows, but I'm not sure how much longer I can hang on. Therefore, I'm starting the DEATH TO CLAIRE BENNETT-PETRELLI CLUB!!!

[And there was much Rejoicing - yea...]

Like most activists, we'll just whine and chain ourselves to things in public, as we sing annoying songs. You came here for the good times and I deliver.