Age in "Real People Years"

As some of you are aware, I recently left my young and vigorous 20's to reach the ripe age of 30. Yes, three decades of lame techno music, hair-metal, Broncos, 1,001 weird nick-names, no broken bones (knock on wood), no stitches (KOW again), K-12, little league, weight lifting, mission to Boston, 4 colleges, 1 hot wife, 2 adorable kids, one fat mortgage, valuation dreams, tinted windows, butt-loads of chocolate and tons movie quotes. Despite all of this frivolity that would serve to preserve my youth like salt to a great hunk of meat (which I am), I have aged prematurely and am well beyond my actual age in "Real People Years".

I was married at the maverick age of 22, a cradle robber, who used all of his powers of persuasion, charm and animal magnetism to wed the 19 year old blond-bomb-shell Julie of San Diego. At the robust age of 24, a brazen stork came crashing through my living room window and delivered a 9 lb. 11 Oz. Lizard into my life. At that moment, my place on the space time continuum was altered. My theory is that I instantaneously transfered to the age of 30 when that happened. Now how could I support such a cocka-mamia theory?

Dr. Dating recently revealed on a morning radio show that most people in their 20's forsake romance and love for education and career (and let's not forget almighty travel - which always seems to be a fantastic reason to delay marriage, kids, etc). In their 30's many people of my generation find love and family and spend their 40's trying to reconcile their 20's and 30's. As I was saying, at 24, I was robust. Then I had my first kid and gave up the roaring 20's for family life doubled with career aspirations. I was doing the 40's thing, trying to reconcile family, career and romance all at once. Therefore, I conclude the effective age of my life at the time of the birth of my first child near the middle of the decade range (2o's to 40's) at 30.

So when you ask if I feel older, I say yes, because my effective age in "Real People Years" is now 36. But don't cry for me Argentina. In the words of the great singer Frank Sinatra:

Ive loved, I've laughed and cried.
Ive had my fill; my share of losing.
And now, as tears subside,
I find it all so amusing.

To think I did all that;
And may I say - not in a shy way,
No, oh no not me,
I did it my way.

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught.
To say the things he truly feels;
And not the words of one who kneels.
The record shows I took the blows -
And did it my way!