Terrorists & Twilight & TDH

Once again, the ONN puts together a gem!

And for good measure, the new Hairless Potter Trailer. Needless to say, fantasy minions across the nation are enjoying themselves.

Watered Down & Cheap

Today I must confess to an old habit that has grown worse... and I'm proud of it. Watering down my beverages. But its not just fruit punch or OJ, I've recently started doing it with soda. Why??? Not because I'm aspiring to be cheap (I'll get to that in a moment), but I can't handle all the sugar. I enjoy the taste and happy-fizz of soda, but it has to be on my terms. Ever since I decided to abstain form Aspartame, I've gone back to regular soda, but its too sweet for me. So I'll usually do 70% water and 30% soda concoction from the fountain. Time to get out your pitchforks and kill the watered-down soda freak!



The watered down idea also leads me to another thought about being cheap. What does it really mean to be cheap? I think it depends on how much money one makes. If you make enough to be in a high tax bracket and are still tight with your money; you are known as a cheap, miserly, penny-pinching scrooge. Those who make less are simply thrifty, frugal, budget minded or students. At least this is one name distinction that does not favor the rich - like crazy vs. eccentric. So I'll enjoy my brand as watered down and aspiring to be eccentric. Sounds like a good way to introduce myself on an airplane if I want peace and quiet.

Predicting Whoremongering

Since I'm obsessed with divining the future by my golden key medallion, I must put out my predictions on the ghastly whoring taking place with collegiate conferences. Here is a look at the future.

Does any one else find it pathetic that the only way CU can get national attention for athletics is to jump conferences? I'm not sure their football program will ever get back to its former glory. All of the meat eaters have been driven out of town and I seriously doubt a football program can survive under the iron fist of the "People's Republic of Boulder" eventually demanding women play quarterback and six weeks paid vacation for Ralphie. This program is dead forever, soon to become the doormat of the PAC-1,000

The PAC ??? will become an Ultra MEGA CONFERENCE with Texas, A&M, OU, OSU and little Baylor and of course, the original whore school - CU. That puts it up to 16.

The Mountain West will make a desperate move to pick up the dregs of the Big 12 to make their own BCS conference. But I doubt it will happen. KU, KSU and Missouri will go to the Big 10 (actually 11) but now 12 with Nebraska making it the Big 15 - but wait! Good ol Notre Dame will come over to form another ULTRA MEGA 16 SCHOOL CONFERENCE.... GLORIOUS!!

So what will happen to the little MWC? Nothing. At best, they may pick up Texas Tech and BSU. Since this is all about adding media markets and $$$$$$$$$ Lubbock and Boise don't add much luster to an already snubbed conference. Quite frankly, most of the nation is not worried about how to capture the Utah TV market. Yes, BYU travels well, but its just too annoying or "evil" to include a bunch of religious wackos with real academic institutions (remember its all about 'academic' uh political um - bigoted standards). The MWC, but most notably both BYU and UofU will be left in tears when this is all over. It will get even more difficult to recruit after the mega conferences are formed since players will want to know a perfect season will actually mean something at the end of the year. Sad, but true. I'm not even looking through a glass darkly. Its clear as crystal and self-evident like the Declaration of Independence. Do ribs taste good? Yes, friends, this prediction is going to happen. I can taste it.

Now that the pitiful facade of 'academic standards' has been blown away from conference membership can all of the elitist academics out there get off of trying to kill football and basketball? You are like Pimps. Embrace the whores who bring you money so you can research ending all of the problems caused by Republicans and corporations. The masks are off. Our universal greed is on display. Can you hear that one piercing piano note being played over and over? We're all obsessed with TV markets and money. All I'm asking is a little gratitude for the revenue producing power of sports.

Finally, no legitimate playoff will result from these newly formed mega conferences. Money will always get in the way, especially now. Not even Barry can fix this. My only regret is the pure children... collegiate athletes will be denied competition's pure flame into perpetuity.

Free Day

Thanks to the Make-A-Wish foundation, my kids elementary school won free tickets to Elitch Gardens yesterday. We were the highest fundraising elementary school in the state during the year. The local news was there to report, but they spent most of their time talking about how those rich, spoiled brats at Cherry Creek HS raised over $19,000 for 3 kids. As if kids who get $20 per day for lunch and have a trust fund would have a hard time putting up that money. I bet half of it was "daddy's" company making charitable contributions to avoid taxes. But this is a day where money couldn't spoil my mood, it was all free and at least the children won in the end. Here are some random items from the day.

• First ride on the swings, 5 seven year old boys start singing "ga ga oh la la!!" at the top of their lungs. The kids have truly fallen for Ga Ga. At least they weren't dressed in Kermit the frog suites.
• Waited 30 mins to shoot Boocifer, but just as we're about to get on the ride, we get word some kids freaked out and jumped off the ride. As a result, they have to shut everything down for a while. Good thing it was free or I would have been ticked.
• All water rides in the amusement side of the park were shut down. I even wore my suit in anticipation. Once again, good thing it was free.
• I'm getting old. That happy tingling sensation in my stomach on the Sea Dragon was actually uncomfortable this time.
• First time I've ever been to an amusement park and been on a roller coaster. I now turn in my adrenaline badge to the Man Council and am too ashamed to ever drink Mountain Dew again for fear of being a poseur.
• After some PBH in the car, we headed to the water park, where I realized all of those reality tattoo shows are really having an impact on young women.
• After waiting 20 mins to do the half-pipe I was thwarted by kid #2 at the last moment and had to make the walk of shame down the tower. Once again, I took a deep breath and repeated to myself... its all free... chillax.
• Next I had to move the kids away from a couple in the wave pool giving each other a tongue bath. The further you go into the deep end, the more you encounter the dregs of society. (What does that say about me?) My biggest fear was not the kids drowning, but taking a gulp of water. - Yes. I'm a total snob.

Despite these moments, I had a good time knowing it cost me nothing. Not worrying about money really allowed me to enjoy the kids. So what's the point of all this? I've realized I'm never going to blow money on family activities again. I'll achieve maximum happiness if all our outings are free. Thank you Occam's Razor! Now that I've realized this truth, I feel free and can enjoy my life to the fullest. I'll see you at the local park sometime after dumpster diving for bagels.