Sorry Cincinnati

I miss judged you. All my life I heard you were a scary place to live in the middle of the country. But after a weekend visiting for the Cougar Abogado's graduation, I've had a change of heart. Now I'm singing the following:

 

To me, this place is like a mix of San Francisco and Boston, MINUS the ocean. Or perhaps it would be best to call it unique. Here are some photos from the trip that were both stunning and a pleasure to take.

 

Now for the real fun stuff. On Friday night with some time to burn, I figured I'd go for a walk. I saw a small creek about 1/4 mile north of the hotel and figured I'd meander down there. WRONG. Being a foreigner, I didn't realize this place is the JUNGLE. After descending down a trail, I wound up bushwhacking it along the creek after a 500 ft drop in elevation. The tree cover got so think darkness came upon me. Here are my pathetic iPhone 4 photos (the Siri powered one would have done better... I KNOW).

lost along the creek of shattered dreams

Of course as darkness fell in the jungle, I started to think of the Preadator coming to kill me. Here is what was going through my mind.

 

BEARD CHICKEN

After the last failure with Chicken Poo, I've decided to test the waters again with a new challenge: Beard Chicken

I may lose my career and have to build an Ark to justify my behavior to the world if the Boss never catches onto this one. Or I may just tell them its my body and I can do whatever I want with it per the US Constitution protected by SUPREME Judge Scalia. I also highly recommend the following podcast on a game of Beard Chicken by the venerable Judge John Hodgeman.

http://www.maximumfun.org/judge-john-hodgman/judge-john-hodgman-episode-36-beard-science

Chicken Poo

For nearly a week (and probably longer) the Boss and I have been playing a game of chicken... with POO.

In our closet, there is a spot where NACHO the "pig cat" likes to hang out. But not anymore. For a few days, I thought something in his usual space was a toy, but about 5 days ago, I realized it was his feces. 

So what now? Obviously she knows its there. She must know I know its there. I and I know that she knows that I know and she is expecting that I know I should pick it up. 

But I want to see how long this can go on. Who will pick it up first and then blow up at the other? To be continued...

AVENGE ME!!!!!!!

Stan Lee and the folks at Marvel are idiots. I don't care if Spider-man wasn't part of the original 1963 Avengers squad. If you are going to make the Bellagio buffet of comic book movies and Spider-man is in your arsenal, YOU USE HIM!!!

Since 75% of this film is the Avengers fighting each other, why not show Spidey dodging smashes from the Hulk? Or making Thor swing his hammer into his forehead? In two words from the YouTube generation:

Now we get to see the same Spider-man movie made about a decade ago, because some studio executives had to have TWO big summer movies and figured it would be easier to re-boot the franchise the same way Batman Begins did. But guess what?

Its already doomed to EPIC FAILURE.

Why?

It looks like the same panty-waist whiner as Peter Parker that we had last time. Let's face it. We all got sick of his never-ending blubbering about living below the poverty line and pining over the "girl next door." Why should we pay to see that again? Why can't Spider-man hold down a reasonable job and flat in Manhattan, afford take-out 3x per week and date an investment banker who doesn't mind him leaving all the time?

But I digress. The Avengers was a great movie. A true fan-boy ORGY of multiple heroes with massive explosions, action, comedy and a reasonably coherent plot. Best part? Near the end, the Hulk absolutely destroys the villain like a rag doll. I nearly died laughing.

However, I'm getting old and I think I much prefer movies focused on one hero with more plot and character development. How do I say it? Something more intellectually and emotionally satisfying. I can't believe I just typed that. Now that I'm going to heck for snobs. I'll leave this post in peace and hope you enjoy the Avengers at least 50% as much as I did.

New Look

To answer the CA, the new look on this blog was a bit of an accident. I wanted to see what the new templates would look like, but I clicked on "apply" rather than "preview" and lost my old look permanently.

Here is what happened next:
Next in a fit of rage, I killed my Death Eaters and corrupt Bankers...

Then after much tinkering and agonizing over details, I settled on continuing my mountain theme. I'm a bit sad that I never got to save some pages from how it looked before, but I guess only I as the originator of the Horcrux will ever know the truth. The rest of me will just be small, naked, sniveling toddlers on the ground waiting to be abandoned at some train station as a kindly Wizard and arrogant teenager turn their backs on me.

Ghandi & Miller Time

I saw a great cartoon today from Drew Litton that speaks to the annual "Miller Time" phenomenon where I live.

In years past I posted about how I unleash my wrath on these insects when they overstay their welcome. http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2009/06/its-miller-time.html. However this year, I've made it my goal NOT TO KILL A SINGLE MOTH. Ghandi will now survive his hunger strike against my bloodthirsty lifestyle and spin clothes for my wife.

This oath may prove to be a bit difficult with my daughters screaming for vengeance as they encounter these harmless creatures in the house, but I'm determined to show I don't have to be mass murderer to please my children. In fact, I will also benefit from my pacifist policy by appeasing Asnar-Amash the moth creature also known as one of the ANCIENT AND UNSPEAKABLE ONES who will return before the oncoming GLOBAL SUPER APOCALYPSE (also known to Christians as the Second Comming). 

Nothing like hitting two moths with one swing of the swatter.

The Other Prodigal

Some of you may remember a wonderfully insightful talk by Elder Holland entitled The Other Prodigal. It focuses on the second son who stayed home and was seemingly faithful, but needed just as much help as his wayward brother. I was recently reminded of my favorite scene in the movie Jesus of Nazareth where the filmmaker chose to show Jesus relating this parable as a message to Peter who is upset about Jesus taking Matthew (a despised Publican or tax collector) as His disciple. Very interesting to watch in the context of Elder Holland's talk.



Here is a link to Elder Holland's talk where I would encourage you to watch, listen or read.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/04/the-other-prodigal?lang=eng

Hopefully I can do better at accepting others as I would want to be accepted by Jesus. Happy Saturday to you all.

Runner's High - Be in the Right Place

Today I discovered a set back that would cost me hundreds of dollars. Naturally I was quite upset. Since the kids were all gone and the wife abandoned me, I decided it would be best to go for a run, rather than mope around the house.

Because I'm morbidly obese and pathetic at running, I would need extra motivation to keep a steady rythm and pace. So I busted out the Paul Okenfold station on Pandora with my iphone and took off. It really did help, but around mile four I started to feel spacey, probably due to the trance music. I imagined penguins singing the lyrics I heard. I started to wonder if the sun really went behind a cloud or if I was having a blood-sugar induced spat of color blindness? I could feel my hands tingling and my pulse in the fingertips. Overlooking the Walnut Hills Elementary playground from the trial, I wondered if I was about to pull a Jonathan Kent and inspire my son to simply go "north" and build a crystal palace. But I pressed on, aided by remixes of Sarah McLaughlin. I was on the runner's high.

A bit later as I passed Walnut Hills park, I saw about 300 yards in front of me a young mother pushing a stroller while guiding a toddler on a bike with training wheels. At the end of this trail is a short but steep incline. At this point I'm near the end of mile six and nearly spent. The party in front of me starts the ascent and the kid can't peddle up the incline. The mother reaches over to stabilize her, but starts to lose control of the stroller. She eventually gets stuck trying to keep the stroller from tipping the baby over and holding the bike in place. I'm 100 yards away. So close, but not quite there to help.

I'd try to yell that I'll help, but I can barely breathe.

I can't run any faster to help. I push on hoping to get there in time.

Just as I'm about 10 feet away, she somehow rights the stroller and the kid makes it up the hill. We ascend at the same time and I stop and choke out: "I'm sorry I couldn't catch up to help you."

She smiles, looks flustered but says its OK and I run on in the other direction. And then this impression hits me like a wave in my chest.

If had had been just a little faster during my run, I could have helped her. Its not for lack of trying during the run, but I realized that my lifestyle was the real reason I was not able to be in the right place at the right time. Years of working to much, eating garbage to fuel late nights, lack of exercise and simple apathy had done this.

But I didn't feel guilty, just humbled. Like the Lord had put his hand on my shoulder and pointed something out to me as a friend. I decided I should slow down, walk home and think about this experience. I'd like to share some of the thoughts I had doing so.

• In the race of life everything factors into the spiritual pace I keep. It also affects my limits regardless of how hard I may try at any given moment. I can't use Priesthood power like flipping a light switch or trying really hard to be good in spurts. Real power comes from life consistency or having constant integrity. 
• The ability to help others is not so much dependent on speed, but more on pace. I was running a pathetic 10 minute mile, but if I am steady, the Lord can count on me to help when he places people on my path. Of course Pres. Monson spiritually runs a 1 minute mile, so he can make it to 20 people (or more) any given day - and remember it!   
• During that run, it would have been easy to stop, rest or try to find a short cut home. I OFTEN wanted to do so. But if I yield to temptation, I'm no longer able to help anyone. In fact, I'll need a friend to stop me, encourage me, and point me back on the right direction. They may even have to walk with me for a while to get me going again. Once I'm going the right direction, I can now help others who are struggling or have turned around looking for a short cut or easier path. 
• But its hard to stop someone going the other way isn't it? Life isn't much different from running on the trail. The idea of stopping a stranger on a trail and telling them to go the other direction seems ludicrous. It takes significant faith to speak up, testify and be willing to sacrifice our own time to make a difference.
• Succor. Most people correctly think of this as relief, help or assistance. The Latin root is "Succurrere" meaning:  to go beneath, run to help. Christ often works through us to accomplish his work, some might argue its the only way He does it. I used to think Succor was Him running to help me when I was turned around or crawling on the road of life. But today I realized in no uncertain terms that he runs to other people through you and me... today I got a powerful reminder of how important it is to be in the right place at the right time.
• Where Art Thou? I used to wonder, why God asked Adam hiding in the bushes "where art thou?" If he is omniscient, he already knows, so why ask? It was to put the question in Adam's mind - Where am I? I'm listening to snakes and beautiful women but not God. I need to set this straight. - And so I got the reminder today too. Where am I? Going in the right direction? What kind of pace am I keeping? Am I really able to succor others by being in the right place? Like Adam, I felt a new resolve to be better and promise the Lord that I would be.  

Sometimes spiritual impressions can come when you least expect them. I've often got a lot of negativity in my head and for a few minutes walking home the warm sunshine, cool breeze and canvass of pink, purple, green and white was an absolute beauty to behold. The best runner's high I've ever experienced and I'm still feeling it!    

My Spousal Abandonment Poem

Once again the PCG has left the PMM for the weekend. Only poetry can express my deepest feelings. Now receive my emotional nudity:

Days of agony, so distraught, grieving with true pain,

Have to clean the house and I'm screaming your name.

I hate how time passes, not one comforting word,

Like a sheep among ruthless kids, I feel lost in the heard.

Before your cruel departure, wished I'd said goodbye,

Maybe then I could let go of the moment that you made me cry.

My dearest demanding Boss, our children look like you,

They are exquisite with beauty, deep eyes shades of blue.

I love you my Boss, my mentor, best friend,

Missing you more as each of these four days slowly ends.

I think of you fondly and wish to talk with you here,

Wondering how the food will be cooked without you anywhere near.

Yes, I'm still lost, Boss I loved you so much,

Hours have gone by, still remembering that touch.

You taught me to laugh, held me when I cried,

Told me not to be scared of the day that you flyed.

You hid all my secrets, to you I'd confide,

You were everything to me, Boss, why'd you shun my hide?

The clowns were gone, I thought you were free,

Why'd vacation take you from me, you're the reason I breathed.

I hate every Friday the 13th, 'cause that's when you left,

That was the day that once again...you left.

The doctor had told me this feeling would pass,

He said the weekend will go on and this pain wouldn't last.

The more that time passes, the more agony that I feel,

The more I miss your cleaning, and wish you were here.

I love you my boss, my mentor, best friend,

Wishing this blasted weekend will come to an end.

Me watching the van drive away...

The PCG vs. PMM

PCG - Primary Care Giver
PMM - Primary Money Maker

In the battle for the MVP of the household many men or PMMs would like to think that bringing the bacon home makes them king. And perhaps at some worldly, cannibalistic bottom line level it is. However the other 90% is all about the PGC. If they go down, you are in APOCALYPTIC TROUBLE.

For example, the Boss recently took a nasty spill down the stairs (NO... I did not beat her) and tore some ligaments in her ankle. Now she is all but incapacitated and I as the lowly PMM am now trying to become the ultimate combo known as the PMCMG or Primary Money Care Maker Giver. A very selfless role. Strike against me. In some circles, these people are referred to as single parents. Needless to say after 24 hours I've been discredited as a PMCMG hopeful and will just have to make due until the foot is healed.

So to all of you PMMs out there who think you are awesome and full of swag, get over it. All you do is make temporal money that won't add up to a hill of beans after this life. I reduce you to the human ATM that you are. The real work is done by the PCGs - and may they ever stay healthy.

Courageous

Yesterday was another stirring session of Priesthood at General Conference and I came away with a greater determination to do right by my family and the Lord. After this session I was also reminded of the movie Courageous, which I saw a few weeks ago on a recommendation. I knew the movie was produced by people not of my faith or denomination, but the theme of being a courageous father does not know denominational or even religious bounds, so I gave it a try and really enjoyed it.

You have to go into it knowing you will get a sermon, but its done in a reasonable manner and if anything I really appreciated seeing such a strong message about being a good husband and father from people outside of my faith. Here is a clip from the end of the movie that sums it all up, but I still recommend it for a Sunday afternoon.



Of course, I would invite you to also check our messages from the Priesthood session which all hit on the same theme of service and duty to your family and other over and over again. Here is a link to Elder Bednar's talk which in the context of his father's story is appropriate with the Courageous clip.

http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch/2012/04?lang=eng&vid=1540777249001&cid=3

To Obey or Not to Obey?

During my time in Boston or in other large cities, I would notice this sticker or image all around town.

For years I figured it was just some symbol for a nationwide gang that loved Andre the Giant and secretly adored the Princess Bride. But during a trip to the ICA in Boston I discovered the truth that I was just a part of a grand experiment. I almost wanted to unplug myself like NEO and puke, but I held it all back. Here is an article about the artist and the meaning of OBEY (with a few of my comments inserted).

MANIFESTO:A Social And Psychological Explanation

The OBEY sticker campaign can be explained as an experiment in Phenomenology. Heidegger describes Phenomenology as “the process of letting things manifest themselves.” Phenomenology attempts to enable people to see clearly something that is right before their eyes but obscured; things that are so taken for granted that they are muted by abstract observation (I think I just got 10x smarter for posting this on my blog).

The FIRST AIM OF PHENOMENOLOGY is to reawaken a sense of wonder about one’s environment. The OBEY sticker attempts to stimulate curiosity and bring people to question both the sticker and their relationship with their surroundings. Because people are not used to seeing advertisements or propaganda for which the product or motive is not obvious, frequent and novel encounters with the sticker provoke thought and possible frustration, nevertheless revitalizing the viewer’s perception and attention to detail. The sticker has no meaning but exists only to cause people to react, to contemplate and search for meaning in the sticker (Don't flatter yourself. Most of us were not up all night thinking about it). Because OBEY has no actual meaning, the various reactions and interpretations of those who view it reflect their personality and the nature of their sensibilities.

Many people who are familiar with the sticker find the image itself amusing, recognizing it as nonsensical, and are able to derive straightforward visual pleasure without burdening themselves with an explanation (YES! That was me. I'm one of the smart people). The PARANOID OR CONSERVATIVE VIEWER however may be confused by the sticker’s persistent presence and condemn it as an underground cult with subversive intentions (Aw shoot, that was me after all). Many stickers have been peeled down by people who were annoyed by them, considering them an eye sore and an act of petty vandalism, which is ironic considering the number of commercial graphic images everyone in American society is assaulted with daily.

Another phenomenon the sticker has brought to light is the trendy and CONSPICUOUSLY CONSUMPTIVE nature of many members of society. For those who have been surrounded by the sticker, its familiarity and cultural resonance is comforting and owning a sticker provides a souvenir or keepsake, a memento. People have often demanded the sticker merely because they have seen it everywhere and possessing a sticker provides a sense of belonging (and now my horcrux is that much cooler). The Giant sticker seems mostly to be embraced by those who are (or at least want to seem to be) rebellious. Even though these people may not know the meaning of the sticker, they enjoy its slightly disruptive underground quality and wish to contribute to the furthering of its humorous and absurd presence, which seems to somehow be antiestablishment/societal convention (KILL WHITIEEEEE!!!). Giant stickers are both embraced and rejected, the reason behind which, upon examination reflects the psyche of the viewer. Whether the reaction is positive or negative, the stickers existence is worthy as long as it causes people to consider the details and meanings of their surroundings. In the name of fun and observation.

—Shepard Fairey, 1990 

Little do you know that this smug artist treating you like a lab rat is secretly working for the Illuminati and Barry Obama - Their sacred mouthpiece. Would it shock you to know that Mr. Fairey also painted the famous Obama "Hope" poster?

Yes, that was great and inspirational, but this is what the NWO or Illuminati wanted you to think. But this is what they really intend:

Yes, we've been conditioned to see the giant and think of obedience, but we are all being conditioned to obey the real mouthpiece and all words that proceed from his mouth. People like to joke that one day Obama's photo will be on a food stamp. But the sad truth is this will be the currency after he and his overlords have their way with us:

If I am dead next week, just remember I gave you the straight dope. If you can break into Obama's compound beneath DIA, take him out but don't forget to kill the clone of Steve Jobs down there too. HOPEfully you will survive the impending Illuminati induced apocalypse and thwart the currency of obedience.

Children's Death Orgy --- AKA The Hunger Games

Most of you know I'm a fan of Utopian and Distopian novels. I read the Hunger Games in about three days and loved it. However, I was disturbed by the level of violence in a "young adult" book and pronounced "They'll never be able to make that into a movie."

On my Honor... Too bad in this world she would have to sell  cookies for validation.

First off, I'd like to say that I did not have my Nostra-Fletch-a-Damus hat on when I made that prediction. 

Secondly, never underestimate Hollywood when there is a buck to be made. Consider for a moment if this movie could have pulled a PG-13 rating in the 80s in the wake of Arnold's The Running Man. Sure that movie had a ton of profanity, but take that away and its effectively the same plot/violence. 

I'm not hating though. It was nice to revisit the story without Bella constantly whining in my head. The special effects were well done and the girl playing Katniss was spot on with how I imagined her. I was expecting a more burly Peeta but whatever. And the boy named Gale was fortunately minimized so the Twilight factor was almost nil. Ultimately, my hat goes off to Lenny Kravits who was great as Cinnna and really made the emotion of the book come alive. Knowing his ultimate fate makes you appreciate what he does in the first two books a little more and to see it on the big screen was great.  

Like the Harry Potter films, I think the one thing movies struggle to convey is just how sad, bleak and alone the protagonist feels. Perhaps I'm too much of a happy-go-lucky viewer, but you just don't get the sense of how horrible life is for these people in the movie compared to the book.         

Finally, I'm sad I didn't think of a smack down between the Hunger Games and The Running Man sooner, but now I don't have to write it because you can check it out here. http://www.moviesmackdown.com/2012/03/hunger-games-vs-running-man.html

 

Of course as a child of the 80s and just on sheer principle, I disagree with the reviewer and say The Running man was the superior film. The HGs has too much of a Twilight connection to topple Arnold as the greatest distopian death match of all times. 

Mile High Rejoicing

I think the following sums up how I'm feeling after picking up Manning.

 ***DISCLAIMER*** I know I said in some circles that I would wear a chicken suit to church if this happened. However, I will not wear a chicken suit to church. Why? That promise was clearly more of the usual hypothetical garbage that comes out of my mouth that I can't be held accountable for, much like a politician or wall-street executive because I am above the law... Now that we have the Football Cyborg. Besides, my family is distracting enough with our consistent clearing of the dug-out in middle of Sacrament Meeting. - Yep, that's right. yesterday CoCo bonked her face on the pew, I hand her to the Boss for removal to the foyer and the entire clan follows her out. Not one question or even a glace my way for approval. SHOOM. We went from 6 warm bodies to 1 in less than 30 seconds. Only I remained as the cool, confident and overweight manager too lazy to fight.

Bring on the hardware! #7 has saved us once again. This still doesn't make up for him marrying a Raider cheerleader though.

Manning and his Mile High Destiny

Yesterday on sports talk radio there was a collective frenzy over Peyton Manning making a surprising visit to Denver. My inner-child who is afraid of having his Broncos heart crushed refused to buy into the hype... Until Jake gave me a call.

Now I'm completely lathered up over the prospect of a becoming a PM new Dawn fan. [I'm going to assume most of you completely miss that reference, but whatever].

For starters, Denver was not supposed to be high up on the list of suitors for the football cyborg's services. Most  project him going to a warm weather or dome market such as Miami or Arizona. While Colorado has a change of seasons, our weather is generally favorable. Winter here is like winter done right for most east coast and central cities with more humidity and less sunshine. For example, yesterday when PM came to visit on March 9 (winter) it was 65 and sunny. A Chamber of Commerce Utopia of Milgh High Magic. This video would sum up PM's feelings upon landing:

Now that the right feeling abounds, let's talk some positives for the Broncos:

• We have a ton of cap space to bring in PM and let him do the LeBron and bring some of his buddies. 
• Elway understands being a legend and knows how to cater to this guy. And no one will question PM as an Elway successor. Elway shadow problem finally solved. 
• Peyton won with a Defensive minded coach that let him be the O-coordinator and run things his way.
• That means total control of the offense. Heck, we completely re-did everything last year for Tebow, why not PM?
• Two great pass rushers to torment teams while you play from ahead?  - Doom and Gloom baby!
• Demerius Thomas is a beast that would become a star with PM. Erick Decker would be the new Austin Collie and I think its safe to say a good free agent would be willing to come play here. 
• Todd Helton and PM are tight. Never underestimate the power of friendship. 
• PM wants to stay in the AFC. Why not play in the worst conference with the best chance of winning?
• Outside of a few cold games the weather here is not that bad. Plus, PM can dispel the slight on him that he is only good in a dome. 
• An elite defense helps, but its all about power offenses to win Championships these days. We can give Peyton total control to do what he wants to win ASAP. Glory for him and glory for Orange Sunsets.
• The next great tight-end? We don't need Dallas Clark, we already have Tim Tebow! - thank you Jake.
• Or if Tebow declines, we trade him and end Tebow Time. 
• The end of Tebow Mania
• The end of fans making excuses for Tebow
• The end of endless talk radio about Tebow
• Me typing less of the word Tebow
• No one caring if I type the word Tebow

Governor Tarkin would say: "The last remnants of the Old Mc Daniels era have been swept away. Love for Peyton Manning will keep the fans in line." 

I want to hear about PM and all of the receivers and the O-line living at Dove Valley and getting so dialed in that they start finishing other's sentences and burning incense in football shaped meditation circles that last 24 hours. It will be glorious when we add more Lombardi Trophies to the collection. 

OK. I'm going to go take a cold shower now. 

Mitt Rocks the Warrior's Gym

On the spur of the moment this evening I decided to attend a rally for Mitt "The Warrior" Romney. I generally do not talk politics on this blog but since I want an authentic Horcrux, I will record this event.

I'll start by saying its amazingly easy to put yourself in a position to kill a presidential candidate. I marched right into the gym of Arapahoe High School with no strip search and no questions asked. I was within 30 feet of Warrior Romney showing up just moments before he came on stage. Time travelers from the future take note.

But since I didn't care to shoot him, I listened and clapped, and even (GASP) screamed.

I have a hard time at these events. Mormons are trained to NEVER - EVER --- interrupt a speech with shouting or cheering. And we never, never, never clap after someone is done talking. Can you imagine people flipping out in General Conference? ... We will endure and keep the commandments .... WOOOOO!!!!! MONSON, MONSON, MONSON!!!

However this is the norm with political speeches. Unfortunately, Mitt's upbrining would not allow all of the rowdy fans to keep chanting "ROMNEY, ROMNEY, ROMNEY." At least he has a problem basking in the adulation of teeming masses large enough to fill a high school gym.

Mitt came prepared for us Coloradans and recited verses from America the Beautiful and pointed out it was written by a woman from Massachusetts on top of Pike's Peak. We are now bound to Warrior Romney forever this great state.

Some politician spoke about a story I've not heard about Mitt. Read the following: http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2007/dec/28/mitt-romney/romney-did-help-save-teen/ 

Apparently Mitt is in the habit of going to the rescue. The speech was good, people cheered and everyone left lathered up, ready to do battle at the caucuses tomorrow. And yes, I can now tell my great grandchildren from my deathbed 150 years from now that I was there. And here is the video to prove it.



I broke some of my internal rules with this video see if you can spot the six people I know in this clip. And no, I don't know the scary looking lady.

Chronicle - THE MOVIE

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SPOILERS OR LEAVE THIS PATHETIC PLACE NOW. 

*************

OK. This movie was SICK. Blair Witch meets Heroes without all of the season 2 garbage. Three teens discover telekinetic superpowers from Superman's spaceship which they found inside a hole in the earth outside a sweet high school rave party. Are you dialed in yet?

Seriously, the documentary style really sucks you into the story so that by the time the action comes, you are totally invested in the superpowers as real. And for once, a movie was not afraid to make the politically correct victim become the bad guy or THE APEX PREDATOR.

I'm actually putting that as a huge plaque over Gator's bed

Yep. Go see this movie it rocks - especially the flight sequences. And no, there will not be a sequel unless too much money is involved and in that case, there will be a sequel. Regardless the ending was great. Apparently good movies are released this time of the year after all...

Suber Bowl XLVI & The Shiz

For you Mormon readers, here is some allegory on what happened in the Superbowl and a look into THE FUTURE. Brought to you by Nostra-Fletch-a-Damus!!!

Back in the day there was a dude known as  Coriantumr. This guy was tough. No matter how many times he went to battle or nearly bled to death, he always found a way to win... 
Until one day, some dude named Lib had enough of  Coriantumr  winning. Through a secret combination known as nepotism, he obtained the kingdom and fought  Coriantumr. They had battles but Coriantumr always got the best of Lib. Until one day, Lib died trying to beat Coriantumr. And the people were sad. 
But the brother of Lib rose up and began to layeth the smack down on Coriantumr. The brother was such a haas that a cry went up throughout the land: "Who can stand before the Army of Shiz? Behold, he sweepeth the earth before him!" 
The fighting continued, the bodies piled up and the smell was tremendously troubling. Eventually millions are assembled for mortal combat, women and children armed to the teeth and disemboweling each other. Finally after nearly every is chopped to pieces, Coriantumr slays Shiz by chopping his head off. Famously, Shiz tries to fight even after decapitation by raising up on his hands and gasping for breath. The end. 

So what does this have to do with SBXLVI???
Coriantumr - Tom Brady
Lib - Peyton Manning
Shiz - Eli Manning


Yes, Peyton was a mighty warrior, but could never defeat Brady. But once his brother got hold of a proper army, he rose up and became: 

THE SHIZ

OK Paul Harvey, now I'll give you the rest of the story. We can once again use the Book of Mormon to predict future American Football events as it is uniquely qualified to do so. 

The people of New England will become so incensed over the loss of Brady at the hands of Shiz they will assemble for mortal combat with the people of New York. Sounds crazy? Listen to Brady's wife:

"While making her way toward the elevator, Giants fans were harassing the supermodel, yelling that "Eli rules, Eli owns your husband." and she responded to her entourage. "You [need] to catch the ball when you're supposed to catch the ball. My husband cannot [expletive] throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time" 

It will be blood for blood as angry east coast women and children kill each other to prove which quarterback the love the most. After Brady kills Shiz thanks to good looks, charm and inability to bleed to death, aliens will come to the east coast from outerspace and Brady will teach them "The Patriot Way." 

And that's how Josh McDaniels will become the supreme puppet ruler of the earth for invading aliens that take advantage of us after the battle of Brady and Shiz. 

Signature Moves

This evening as I claimed my supper, I realized that my wife truly knows how to shake things up at the dinner table. Outside of her signature rotisserie chicken and salad combo, I never know what to expect. Open face Blue Cheese burgers with water cress or straight faced Lentil Soup.  Prior to marriage, I used to wonder why they have all of those recipes at the back of magazines. Now I know it was all for her. And then I realized her signature move in the kitchen is not chicken and salad, its the back end of Real Simple.

"What I say is true - anyone can cook... but only the fearless can be great." - Chef Gusteau

Nearly everyone has a signature dish. My Mother had classics like Chicken Artichoke Casserole and Red Enchiladas, Dad had Cheese Souffle and I have cold cereal in an over sized bowl. I'd be happy to hear some of your favorites.

On a similar vein, should everyone have a signature scent? Until two months ago, the Boss thought all perfume smelled like grannies. But now I'm told she needs to establish her "signature scent." I don't know what it was called, but my mom definitely had one. My Dad had Lectric Shave and I have Swagger.

Baby don't change. Your signature move is to keeps it fresh by always mixing things up.

And yes, my signature move in Basketball is the ugly shot.

This House is Now Clear

Recently, I was informed of the following warning that pops up when my blog is visited:

The warning was due to my usage of Soundboard where I had compiled some favorite quotes. Since I can no longer use this portion of the internet as a mindless slave offering perfect execution of funny quotes on demand, I will now have to offer my personal services. Call my cell phone anytime you want to hear:

"ITS DIVISION 1 FOOTBALL!!!"

or

"They don't think I know a butt-load of crap about the Gospel but I DO."

So, until the Singularity occurs, these services will be yours free of charge.