Minimalist Mormon Housewives - STRIKE BACK

It must be something about the lusty month of May and Spring Cleaning that gets the minimalist drive going in The Boss. Two years ago, I posted about the burgeoning phenomena in my life known as Minimalist Mormon Housewives. http://fletchword.blogspot.com/search?q=minimalist. Now this trend is back... WITH A VENGANCE.

Somewhere in the Ether that is THE WOMEN'S CIRCLE it was determined that closets bursting to the seams are of the devil. Why can't we just have a renaissance view that a little extra (clothes or junk in the truck) is a sign of prosperity and should be enjoyed? Google "minimize clothing" and you'll see a tsunami of minimalism coming for your closet.

Thanks to this trend, I have now divested 50% of all my clothes. Not kidding. I'll admit I do feel better. I feel one step closer to that ultimate living space I've fantasized about ala Flynn's pad in Tron Legacy.

This all sounds good, but I'm worried about the future. We somehow accumulated all those clothes and shopping is like a competitive sport for my better half. Have we just removed all of the older stuff so we can buy newer stuff? Time will tell, but I'm hopeful. Just remember:

SPENDING MONEY IS NOT SAVING MONEY.

A.M. Book Club: What Alice Forgot... IN THE MEAT GRINDER

In some ways, this was a pretty painful book to read. The truth cuts to the center sometimes and this book made me agonize about what an idiot I've been, but also appreciate how far I've come in life.

A good neighbor down the street gave me a recommendation to read this book. She is a teacher and an avid reader so I figured I'd give it a shot; even if it seemed like a wet blanket book club offering. To understand what I mean: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/wet+blanket

To get my ultra-testosterone male ego motivated, I looked at this book from the perspective of time travel via amnesia. What if you woke up and didn't remember the last 10 years of your life? This book follows 39 year old Alice after falling off her spin bike at the gym in 2008 and waking up thinking she is 29, in 1998. Not being able to remember your children is a pretty unsettling thing.

How would I react if the 2005 version of myself woke up in my 2015 reality?  To anyone who hasn't been married more than 5 years, this may not seem like a big deal. Isn't a decade of marriage and raising kids dull? The obvious and dramatic changes of childhood, puberty, high school, college, finding a career and a spouse are huge. But what about the more subtle changes we make after the proverbial die has been cast?

I never realized when I was younger that our late 20s to early 40s are a huge change. We go from "its all about me" to "its all about we" if we have married and had kids. People lose themselves and get re-defined by parenting roles, careers, service, sacrifice and ambition both for secular and domestic glory... What I affectionately call "The Meat Grinder" of young married life. Make as much money, kids, and STUFF, as humanly possible in 10 years.

In Alice's case, she becomes the hard core, PTA, gym-rat, sacrificing, high-powered Domestic Engineer that could get on the cover of O-Magazine or Real Simple (if you don't get this pun, I shun you). Her husband worked too much, made a bunch of money and things have fallen apart. Can 29 year old Alice see through the haze of middle age to connect herself back with what matters most? With muscle memory and family/friends to gently guide her, Alice takes us on a journey of self-examination in THE MEAT GRINDER.

This book has a few good twists and the ending is actually quite refreshing and affirmed my desire to never ever get divorced.

My biggest takeaway if I forgot the last 10 years? Much more practical. New kids? Whatever, call me when they're 2. The wife always looks good and accepted my abnormal behavior a long time ago. Roll into the EQ any given Sunday anywhere and good times will be had, even if it is in a ward and house I HAD NO INTENTION OF SETTLING IN. But where I'd really be up the creek is at work. I've gone from being the low-man on the totem pole to the managing director. 10 years ago I wasn't doing any business development or quality assurance work. Not to mention the experience gained in the crucible of affliction. Half of the deals I work on today weren't even on the menu then.

Yes, the 2005 F-word would be in major trouble at the office. But the Dilbert Principle says people rise to the level of their incompetence, so I guess I'd be fine eventually. Plus I'd have missed diapers for two kids, repeated punches in the nuts from Las Vegas, the Great Recession and the stress of opening an office. Yes, I would marinate in the basement and revel in the fruits of my future self. The meat grinder actually turned out some pretty good bratwurst.      

Birthday Martyr No More

The corporate psychologists tell me I am a "Power" personality. This apparently means I'm diligent, agreeable and dependable. I enjoy teamwork and naturally build groups.  I see things on a 90-day time frame, learn by doing things myself and my overriding concern is stability. I value sincerity over competency.

And now for the downside:

I confuse replication or "looking busy" with meaning and results. When things get tough, I just get silently frustrated... until I snap. Classic passive-aggressive behavior. Can't say no. Too dad-gum nice, but I will cut your head off in a breserker rage once I'm pushed over my limits.

When the boat is sinking, I'm apparently not the guy giving orders, or the one jumping out of the boat to swim to safety, not even the one sitting back and lamenting "we're hosed." I'm the guy that will mindlessly bail out water until I die.

I am a Martyr.

The Boss has wisely let me know this is not always a good thing. Especially not on your birthday. If there is to be charity and love someone must be giving and someone must be receiving. Since I feel better when doing, I have a hard time letting people serve me. I don't want any special treatment, songs, celebrations or fuss. Just let me work another day... cuz that's what makes me worthwhile.

Jesus who was the greatest servant of all, recognized the importance of letting others serve him at appropriate times.On his birthday there were wise men with gifts, shepherds and even angels singing Him praises. I don't recall him trying to stop any of that happening. He was anointed in Bethany by a woman with costly oil. When Judas complained about the cost, Jesus replied:  Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.  For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.

If the greatest servant of all can allow himself to be served, then I guess I can let my loved ones be nice to me on my birthday. So to counteract my power-mongering ways, I sent the following bogus text to the Boss on April Fools day.

WOMAN

I AM NO LONGER A MARTYR IN THIS HOUSE. THIS FRIDAY MARKS THE SEMINAL EVENT OF MY BIRTH. I HAVE CONQUERED LIFE FOR AN ASTOUNDING 38TH YEAR IN A ROW. I HAVE GRACIOUSLY PERMITTED YOU AND THE FRUIT OF MY LOINS TO SHARE IN THE SPOILS OF MY VICTORIES FOR 15 YEARS. AS SUCH, I EXPECT HOMAGE ON THIS HIGH CELEBRATORY DAY WITH THE FOLLOWING SCHEDULE OF FESTIVITIES:

1. I SHALL AWAKE IN A BED DEVOID OF CHILDREN. SWEET MUSIC WILL FILL THE AIR AND I SHALL FEAST ON A BREAKFAST OF YOUR FINEST SCRAMBLED EGGS COOKED IN COCONUT OIL WITH THE TASTY BUTTERED TOAST I LOVE.
2. I WILL GO TO WORK TO RECEIVE THE ADULATION OF MY MINIONS PRAISES OF MY CLIENTS. A BANQUET IN MY HONOR WILL TAKE PLACE AS THE SUN REACHES ITS ZENITH, SYMBOLIZING MY ASCENDANCE TO POWER.
3. I SHALL RETURN TO MY DOMICILE AT 5:30 PM. YOU AND THE OFFSPRING SHALL GREET ME WITH CHEERS, DEF LEPPARD ON THE SONOS AND CONFETTI. 
4. I WILL THEN TAKE MY SEAT AT THE HEAD OF THE FEAST TABLE WHERE YOU WILL SERVE ME AN OPEN-FACE BURGER TOPPED WITH BACON ARUGULA AND BLUE CHEESE; SUCH AS I LOVE. CHILLED COKE ZERO WILL BE ON HAND ALONG WITH TATER TOTS SEASONED TO PERFECTION. 
5. WHILE MY FOOD DIGESTS, THE MAIDENS AND TROPHY SON I SIRED ON YOU SHALL CLEAN THE KITCHEN AS YOU RUB MY FEET WITH A EUCALYPTUS-FLAX SEED LOTION. 
6. NEXT, THE WHITE TRASH CAKE OF GLORY WILL BE PRESENTED WITH EXACTLY 38 CANDLES ON IT. THESE CANDLES WILL NOT BE THE TRICK VARIETY. THE FROSTING MUST COME FROM A CAN AND BE FULL OF PARTIALLY HYDROGENATED OILS. THE TRADITIONAL SONG OF PRAISE SHALL BE SUNG AND I WILL BLOW OUT THE CANDLES. 
7. AS I RETIRE TO THE CONVERSATION PIT GLOWING WITH A ROARING FIRE, GIFTS FROM YOU AND EACH OF MY WHELPS WILL BE PRESENTED. I TRUST YOU WILL NOT DISAPPOINT ME.
8. FOLLOWING THE OFFERING OF GIFTS, I SHALL RETIRE TO MY DUNGEON OF AMUSEMENT TO VIEW INTERSTELLAR BY CHRISTOPER NOLAN. 
9. UPON THE CLOSING SCENE, THE OFFSPRING WILL GO TO BED AND I SHALL ENJOY AN EVENING TONIC.
10. FINALLY I SHALL ASCEND TO MY BEDCHAMBER TO UNWRAP THE TIEDGE PRESENT FOLLOWED BY 3 HOURS OF UNBRIDLED SEXUAL CONGRESS. YOU WILL THEN BE ALLOWED TO REST AND I SHALL EMBRACE THE SYMBOLIC DEATH OF SLEEP KNOWING I SHALL RISE IN THE MORNING TO CONTINUE MY WINNING WAYS.

SO LET IT BE WRITTEN! 

SO LET IT BE DONE.

Yeah. Passive-aggressive. I should say that she actually made almost all of it happen. Except that last part. When planning such things, you need to remember that Interstellar is a 3 hour film and there are only so many hours in the evening before your beloved falls asleep during the movie. 

But I want her to know she is the best thing that ever happened to me. I can now look forward to returning the favor... for the next 364 days.        

Welcome Initiates!

As you know, I love conspiracy theories involving the Illuminati and have posted multiple times about their plans for world domination. Apparently the love has been returned and a host of Illuminantis have decided to post comments on my prior post:

DIA WILL BECOME THE WORLD HEADQUARTERS OF THE ILLUMINATI

Considering they have gone to all the trouble to create a bot that makes blogger profiles to get their message out on my high traffic/profile site I was curious. Also, I’m the only person dumb enough to actually click into one of their “profiles” to see what they are all about… and I’m thrilled I did!!
I forget which profile had this, but it contained a link to the following Illuminati training video. I consider it a gem as it embodies a sense of mystery, creepiness, cheesiness and unintentional comedy that rarely comes together in one package. It also simultaneously features has items of relatively modern things (iPhones), but seems like it was made in 1992.

The origin of the piece is some guy who wanted to encapsulate all of the theories he’d heard about the Illuminati and roll them together. An initiation video was a brilliant idea.  And now without further ado:

By the way, I now have access to $5M liquid and my career has taken off. Good thing I’ve gotten so dialed in with this community.

The Blood of Clowns & Global Titans

For the Lizard, who HATES McDonald's with a passion:

The other day I came across the photo below on i09. It is a work by Italian artist Giuseppe Veneziano who is known for taking contemporary cultural icons and turning them on their heads.

The i09 blog initially says this is like the classic statue depicting Perseus with the head of Medusa, The Gorgon. I still love the original Clash of the Titans to this day.

But the i09 blog also points out this statue may be more of a reference to the following painting by Caravaggio depicting David after cutting off the head of Goliath. See this link for some interesting ideas about the painting.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_with_the_Head_of_Goliath

I think it would be fair to say both the Goliath and Medusa allusions are correct.

If Medusa, Ronald represents DEATH from processed/fast food and evil, fat, greedy American Globalization. His head is dripping sugary ketchup and his gaze and turns the arteries of any creature to stone. Perseus is either a bureaucrat who legislated Ronald into a guillotine or the small farmers/restaurateurs of the world finally fighting back. Or Perseus could just be a Hangry Hipster who took justice for counter culture to an extreme. 

If Goliath, he represents the hopeful death of trans fats, processed food, pesticides, fast food, high fructose corn syrup, Girl Scout cookies and all Hostess products... just to name a few. In this case, David represents the spirit of truth/nature coming forth to slay corruption with purity and goodness which gave him the nutrients and the strength to win. [Just like Nacho vs. Ramses].

Personally, I hope we can find a better balance in our food. I don't want to legislate away all junk food. As Ron Swanson would say:

  

I know tax payers, medicare, blah, blah, blah. We need to get back to people figuring out their own business rather than the Nanny state doing it for us. 

Perhaps the best interpretation of the statue is that we have embraced and become Ronald/Medusa/Goliath! Truth and the impending doom that awaits a corrupt society is what will slay us and spill our sugary ketchup blood back to its mother earth.

Death to Ronald. Apparently, others are way ahead of me on this.   

The Communal Bedroom

Growing up I don't ever recall crawling into bed with my parents. I'm sure I did, but my mother says my psychiatric trained father thought it would be "too stimulating." How's that to make your skin crawl? So naturally, you'd think the tradition continues and my kids don't climb into bed with me. Right? ...

Yes, a lot can come between you and your spouse.

I've heard KB Homes is considering changing the name of the Master Bedroom to something with less slavery or BSDM overtones. I would suggest, THE COMMUNAL BEDROOM.

So why do I have an 1800s log-cabin family bed arrangement? I come from a family that was systematically different from The Boss's. Here's what I mean. I grew up in a normal home and she came form a hippie log cabin. Science people and therapists make it sound more reasonable in the Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems. First there are levels of cohesion (closeness):

• Disengaged
• Separated
• Connected
• Enmeshed 

Next, families have various forms of flexibility (rules) within these systems:

• Chaotic
• Flexible
• Structured
• Rigid 

I know what you're thinking at this point, I'm trying to make some ridiculous D&D analogy like my family is Chaotic/Neutral or Lawful/Evil. http://easydamus.com/alignment.html. Of course the recent Dark Knight Trilogy has some excellent examples.

So basically our free-for-all in the bedroom is basically Chaotic Neutral. Flip a coin. One night I can cuddle with the wife and sleep undisturbed, the next I have two cats purring in my face with multiple kicks and punches to the head and ribs from two to three extra kids.

To understand where you came from and currently fall in the Circumplex Model of Marital and Family Systems, see the following matrix: 

Basically, I came from more of a Structurally Separated family and The Boss comes from a more Flexibly Connected family (notice how I picked two that are balanced mixes so I don't have to get hate email from either side of the family?). To The Boss, sharing a bed is a more flexible and enmeshed state of being which nurtures our children allows them to feel connected to us. This is why they literally flip out every time mom walks out the house. DON'T LEAVE!!!  I'm not even sure I looked at the door when my parents left.  But what else would you expect from a ferberized child with a rigid/separated style of bedroom living? More explanation below if you care to read. 

A Chaotic Neutral bedroom sounds pretty awesome if it were just me and The Boss. But the reality of a Chaotic Neutral family bed is a different story. Is this going to create problems for our kids? Who knows, time will tell. I'm not the person who makes the decision on this. I just work here. 

The Fire

Last Sunday I was busy chasing CoCo through the foyer during Fast & Testimony meeting when all of the sudden I had a vision as the follow was quoted over the pulpit VERBATIM:

We call them cool 

Those hearts that have no scars to show 

The ones that never do let go 

And risk the tables being turned 

We call them fools 

Who have to dance within the flame 

Who chance the sorrow and the shame 

That always comes with getting burned 

But you've got to be tough when consumed by desire 

'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire 

We call them strong 

Those who can face this world alone 

Who seem to get by on their own 

Those who will never take the fall 

We call them weak 

Who are unable to resist 

The slightest chance love might exist 

And for that forsake it all 

They're so hell-bent on giving ,walking a wire 

Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Life is not tried, it is merely survived 

If you're standing outside the fire 

There's this love that is burning 

Deep in my soul 

Constantly yearning to get out of control 

Wanting to fly higher and higher 

I can't abide 

Standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Life is not tried, it is merely survived 

If you're standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Standing outside the fire 

Life is not tried, it is merely survived 

If you're standing outside the fire 

This person actually tied it all in after quoting the song so it wasn't utterly distasteful and I was disappointed it didn't escalate further. As you know, I don't disclose people's names very often on this blog so the person shall remain anonymous. However, it was such a joyous moment that I had to add it here. My only regret is this person didn't get the "hand on the shoulder" from the Bishop and be asked to sit down. 

I Love Menthol

My family knows that I'm a bit of an aroma junkie. In high school I incensed my mother by burning incense and convincing her that I'd become a warlock. In truth I was just going old school cathedral since I would often listen to Gregorian Chant music while doing this.

After leaving home and going on a mission/college with roommates, my ability to stink up the joint... was limited. Then I got married and as everyone knows, the wife is in charge of all aromas in the house. One of her many powers as The Boss.

But recently I have begun fighting back. I bought a mess of essential oils and a tea candle burner with some Japanese calligraphy thing on it that probably means "poseur." Here is my initial line up of oils:

• Eucalyptus - Invigorating and relaxing at the same time
• Lemongrass - Fresh and clean
• Orange - Christmas stocking joy
• Pine Needle - Christmas tree/forest
• Lavender - Sleepy? I don't know, I'm not loving this purchase
• Cedar Wood - No bugs

After getting tired of lighting candles, I went out an bought a oil diffuser that probably makes people think I'm into the whole legalized weed thing here in Colorado. Needless to say, the Boss has been less than thrilled, and the bizarre looking diffuser has been relegated to my nightstand.

In case you are wondering, my happy combo lately has been Pine Needle with Orange and Cedar Wood. Christmas in a vat of water/oil!

BUT WAIT!!!

Today the Boss in a show of total empathy bought me a case of menthol (Vick's) Puffs since they can only be found online. Nothing better that sucking in a huge whiff of menthol before blowing your nose. (AHHH..) I cannot say how much I love this woman and my new tissues.

And thus concludes the most random post ever on my Horcrux.

The Singularity will be the Antichrist

In my usual fashion around this time of year, I bring you some hard-hitting facts to sober your Christmas extravagances. I recently taught a Second Coming lesson at Church and it got me thinking about the Antichrist. Then it hit me, we love to think about how machines are eventually going to kill us. This is certainly not a new idea, but I began to wonder why we seem obsessed with our creations killing us. But we don't want to kill A.I. we want to create them! So why would they or it try to kill us? Some ideas:

• Makes for a much more interesting movie
• Slaves rising up against their masters - punishment
• We would be a threat and must be eliminated 
• Humans make much better flesh batteries than friends

The list could go on and on. And then it hit me. What if the real reason the Singularity or A.I. wanted to kill us is because the creation of a sentient being is outside God's plan for humanity and is effectively an abomination only to be controlled by the whim of Satan? Behold, your future Antichrist!

Here are some characteristics of the Antichrist. Could an A.I. match up?

• Blaspheme God - Rev 13:6
• An A.I.'s existence could be considered blasphemy as God is the creator
• Claims to be god and is worshiped -  2 Thes 2:3-4
• An A.I. claiming it is more intelligent than all? Easy for the masses to worship this after making obeisance to false idols like money, cars, beauty and power. 
• Will show miraculous powers - 2 Thes 2:9-12
• Could this Singularity cure cancer? Create nano-bots or solve equations previously thought impossible? Would these things be miracles? 
• Comes back to life - Rev 13:12, 14
• People unplug, he somehow comes back (always back up your work!)
• Rules for 42 months - Rev 13:5, 7
• 3 1/2 years of everybody drinking the Kool-aid? Oh yeah!
• Control the economy through his mark - Rev 13:16-17
• Not hard to fathom a requirement for everyone to have something to interact with the Singularity to benefit from it and people would line up for it. 
• Defiles the Temple - Dan 12:11, 21-24
• Not many buildings without computers in them. Setting up computers in the temple that allow this entity in could have horrible consequences. 
• Lead Armageddon - Dan 11:40-41
• Who wouldn't want this A.I. battle planning for a "humane" and efficient way to win? 

Of course, I'm not the only one to think of this. See here for more ideas on this topic.

http://aiantichrist.blogspot.com/

Just remember, I told you this was coming on Christmas Eve-eve. Before the Dark Times. Before the Empire of the Antichrist whom the world will gladly embrace!

Trailer Magic

This was too good to pass up. Perfect example of how George Lucas is his own worst enemy. First is the actual trailer for the next Star Wars. What follows is a fan made mock-up of how George Lucas would have made a "special edition" of the trailer.

 And now the glory!

 

What Women Want

For my son. Good laughs. Watch the clip below to understand what you are up against in the future. Bottom line, you will never be all of the things a woman wants (its impossible) so just be yourself and find someone who can tolerate that.

In case the video dies, here is the text:

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about what women want.

It’s really quite simple. Take out your pen and papers guys.

“Women want a man who’s ambitious, an achiever, whose successful both professionally and financially…who’s not materialistic.

Women want a man who is solid, steady, consistent and reliable…who’s fun, unpredictable and spontaneous.

Women want a strong-willed, decisive man who takes a stand and doesn’t waver, as long as he’s flexible, open-minded and can admit when he’s wrong

Women want a lot.

Women want a realist who’s romantic. A guy who’s serious but playful, who’s confident but humble.

Women want a man who is career driven but family-oriented.

Women want a man who’s smart but not nerdy…

…caring but not needy…

…affectionate but not clingy…

…protective but not possessive…

…emotional but not neurotic…

…funny but not a clown…

…dominant but not domineering…

…in control but not controlling.

No Problem.”

Easy right?

“Good to know.

So,again,  take notes guys, and remember, all we gotta be is strong but sensitive, tough but tender, masculine but gentle and manly but vulnerable.”

-Brian Scott Mcfadden

Interstellar: Being a Father

Interstellar has easily become my favorite film of 2014. Like Gravity from last year, it seems like a

sci-fi film out to dazzle, but the theme of the movie is something deeper. Gravity did this by showing Dr. Ryan's spiritual rebirth over the course of events. I've now seen Interstellar twice and the theme that resonates and won't leave me alone is fatherhood. 

First off, this is the latest from director/writer Christopher Nolan, known for the Dark Knight Trilogy, Inception and Memento. Some have accused his film-making of being cold; and that's probably fair criticism, until this latest entry. Many note that Nolan can't seem to make a movie without Michael Caine, who is a father/sage figure across the years as Alfred to Batman, Cutter to the feuding magicians, Miles to the dreaming Cobb. Interstellar is Nolan's masterpiece on this recurring theme of father figures but this time its not Caine that does the teaching. Matthew McConaughey gets the role and nails it. 

To appreciate what I'm getting at, we first have to look at how Cooper's masculinity is portrayed. You can't be an effective father if you don't have a grip on who you are. Cooper is described as a man born 40 years too early or late, an explorer, a pioneer. "We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars, now we just look down and worry about our place in the dirt." This is a guy who is Wild at Heart (which I shamelessly plug a book all men should read). He embodies many ennobling masculine qualities such as the spirit of adventure, humor, thirst for knowledge, teacher, protector and provider. All of these qualities are ways for fathers to express their love. Cooper is seen doing all of these things in the film and loves his children deeply, enough to leave them in hopes of saving them. 

Another key takeaway for me on Cooper is his vulnerability. He has some classic macho mannerisms, but he opens up to people around him and his kids and puts his heart out there. Some of the most powerful moments in this film are watching him tear up and break down as he watches his children from near and afar. My mother-in-law recently recommended a book to me by Brene Brown on the

power of vulnerability that embodies this message: "Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change." In this film, Cooper's willingness to put his own comfort and his family at risk for a higher reason give him the power to make some innovative and creative changes that will impact not only his children but the whole human family.  As Dr. Mann tells Cooper (roughly) -- your survival instinct will give you that extra drive as you are dying and you see your children. It will give you the power to fight on -- and yes, it made a world of difference in the outcome of this film. 

Some quotes / moments I loved that build the father theme:

"When you become a parent, one thing becomes really clear. And that's that you want to make sure your children feel safe." 

"We've always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we've just forgotten that we are still pioneers." 

"Once you're a parent, you're the ghost of your children's future." 

 "Love is the one thing that transcends time and space."

"[because] “my dad made me a promise.”

An important note is that Cooper does everything in this movie as a widower and for his children. However at the end, there is an interesting message: There is life beyond your children. Your own adventure. And man (and women) should not be alone, but share that adventure together. A wonderful note the film ends on. 

A few final thoughts about the film itself. In my mind, this movie seeks not only to entertain but endure as a work of art. All great movies transcend entertainment and evoke emotions by combining our senses of sight and sound a unique way. This film has flat out awe inspiring and haunting special effects enhanced by a brilliant score featuring the organ, reminiscent of 2001: A Space Odyssey. I'm sure there are plot holes and items that might drive someone nuts about this move. Its also too long around 3 hours and I failed the iron test of bladder strength the second time around. Despite some failings, this movie captures the mystery of the unknown and taps our innate desire to explore and become more than what we are. Most movies are just plain crass marketing efforts, but once in a while, we get a gem and this film is one I will enjoy for years to come. 

Nut Kick Monday | 2014 Motif

Today I got kicked in the nuts. Again. I wish I could say it was a literal kick in the nuts. Pain like that is fleeting and I've retired from procreation. No, the shot I took today was a recurring theme of 2014. A symphony of foot swinging:

• Broncos go to the Superbowl and snap the ball... I'm so psychologically damaged by reopening my childhood trauma that I get Sports E.D. for nearly eight months.  
• Later this year, my eldest needed screws in her knees. Insurance says $5K please. 
• Next Sally blows a tire. The rest "magically" must be replaced.
• Sally then decides to quit steering and have her breaks die.
• Once Sally is feeling better, the next day Trophy Son fractures his femur.
• Giddy people at hospital say they want a down payment... I bend over and stroke a check for $5K. 
• And then the golf ball hail descends on the roof annihilating it. 
• Meanwhile the soul sucking leeches at State Farm in their 3AM Khakis just smile; and drink my fresh warm blood out of a Christmas mug spiced with nutmeg.

Some of you are familiar with Gator's precious fractured femur x-ray with the Lego men in his pocket:

Very sad and painful, but an adorable silver lining.

Here is my x-ray for the year:

Dads don't get a silver lining in the jock.

Insecurity in Denver

Rock Solid Asks:
How do the Broncos improve their running game? I thought they got Clady back? Perhaps they are just better at passing with him in there.

F-Word Opines:

Hard to say. I think this is 50% attitude and 50% lack of running out of true necessity. 

Look at what Tony Stark accomplished in a cave!!! 

The Broncos are stuck in a cave and the Seahawks are their jihadist captors. A few years ago the Broncs were an amazing run blocking o-line for T-bone and I believe 3 of the 5 starters from then are still with us. Its going to take reps and commitment and other stuff the Creek football program would put into an acronym. Peyton and the gang need to get mean. Nasty. But this is probably the one thing that has kept us from winning a Superbowl in recent years. Keep your D off the field and out of trouble and control of the game goes through the roof. Sadly, I never feel comfortable with these Broncos. 

EVER.

Fantasy Reverse Psychology

For once, I visited my fantasy football account after drafting to get rid of the living injury known as RG-III. I started reorganizing looking for players on my bench with stronger points and suddenly wound up with this roster: 

I defy the universe to let me win in fantasy football when I NEVER do. 

Time to get some reverse psychology to work for me...

BYU Football is STILL a Pretender

Like many of you, I was geeked-out by BYU's annihilation of Texas last week. But after watching the Houston game last night on 9/11 with the special helmet decals, BYU is not a playoff contender. I actually quit watching last night in disgust at the start of the 4th quarter. At that point I knew all I needed to know about this season and our chances for real greatness.

You have to put together a dominant, undefeated season like UT, TCU and Boise to get into that conversation. Based on the last 15 years, I don't think they can pull it off and last night proves my point. They should be blowing out teams like that with no let-up. SHOW NO MERCY COUGAR-SAN!!

Plus, BYU simply can't recruit the size/speed needed to really contend with the top programs in the SEC, PAC 12, etc. on a consistent basis. Look at what happened to a dominant UT team once it got into a power conference. Same thing would probably happen to the Cougs.

Some may hate on my comments, but as I quoted yesterday:

Mic drop.

Labor Day Should Celebrate Women in Labor

Most of us know Labor Day was started over a bloody dispute between the government and workers and created to appease unions. Now families enjoy a final day of relaxation at the "end" of the summer and the wearing of white is no longer permitted. We celebrate work by not working.

I'm all for a day off, but this really is stupid. Can we at least take the day off to remember and honor something worth 50% of the economy shutting down? Instead of union disputes and government hand-outs, I say we change the subject of Labor Day to honoring women who have labored to give birth.

We have Memorial Day to remember men who fought and died to give us life and freedom, why not the women who suffered incredible pain and even sometimes death to do the same? The scriptures and doctrine are replete with the symbolism of childbirth and the atonement. Why are we not celebrating this essential and universal moment to the human family? Check these out if you have not thought about it much.

http://beautopotamus.blogspot.com/p/gospel-symbols-in-childbirth-lds.html 

http://bycommonconsent.com/2008/12/23/blood-water-and-spirit/

I'm sure someone will object to changing the holiday on several grounds. I give them below and my answers.

• Many women today have drugs, epidurals or c-sections and don't "really" labor and should not be honored. 
• Really? They are still taking the risks and most still endure significant pain before epidurals or c-sections commence. I dare any of you with this objection to throw it in the face of another woman. I'm sure there would be no sane men raising this objection, just self-righteous women. 
• This seems like Pagan Goddess worship. 
• No, if anything this holiday would be objected on too many Christian references, but I'm sure most other religions and traditions can appreciate women suffering to bear children. 
• How can we celebrate something that is a painful and private situation? 
• We celebrate Jesus sacrificing for us on Easter with a rabbit distributing dyed eggs and chocolates. I think we can still BBQ and say thank you Mom. 
• But we already have Mother's Day!??
• Yes. That is where we remember all the work they do the rest of our lives raising us and loving us. Can we really try to put a limit on our gratitude? We should remember this singular moment. 

Of course, this is just an out-dated BLOG but I'm telling it the way it should be. Some clear day, the true meaning of Labor Day will be well known, celebrated, cherished and honored. I now thank my Mother for her sacrifices for me and my wife for her sacrifices on behalf of our children. I will always remember what you have done and love you for it. 

Circle of Reign - The Dying Lands Chronicle

Welcome back to the book club of one. Full disclosure, the author of this book killed me on my mission so I may be a bit biased, but obviously the publishers and other professionals thought it was good too.

I've been in need of a new fantasy series since finishing the Wheel of Time earlier this year. When I saw that Michael Kramer gave voice to this new series I was all in. He could read the phone book or the Book of Numbers and make it riveting and he does not disappoint. If you are considering this as an audio book, you can't go wrong.

I leave it to publishers and others to give a summary of the plot or synopsis. Check it out here. http://www.amazon.com/Circle-Reign-Dying-Chronicle-Volume/dp/0692246738. The story itself is well crafted and follows a somewhat non-linear pattern that builds anticipation and gives depth to the world Cooper is building. Unlike many books that rely on tons of exposition or build-up before anything significant happens, this book gets right to the action and the tension keeps building. The balance of action and character/story development is well done. The action sequences are very well written and easy to visualize. Cooper does a great job of creating a big-budget movie in your head.

This is not fantasy with Elves and Dwarfs and Magic Users. There are no sets of companions on a quest. So put away all of the LOTR and D&D rip-off concerns aside.

The characters in this book tend to be more black/white than grey which gives the story more of a classic good vs. evil feel. Any why not? Many of the best works of fiction do this. Ultimately life is a struggle between good and evil. Stories that delve into the battle for hearts and souls mean something to all of us. Of course all of the characters have nuisances that make them enjoyable and by the end of the book I felt like I was really getting to know them.

One thing that has me interested in the next book is the magic system or the Illuminatus. Its not spells per se, but more like tapping into power that enhances your will and actions. Of course, this may change as the series progresses, but in my opinion its a refreshing new angle on magic/super powers.

As I mentioned earlier, I got interested in this book due to Michael Kramer and wanting a new series after Wheel of Time. There are some parallels. Light vs. Dark theme, ancient civilizations that fell or were destroyed and the return of evil to end the world. Cooper even seems to champion a book with female characters set to pass the Bechdel test. However, the pacing of this book, its non-linear style and action make this book a pure pleasure to read after plodding through the WOT series.

Are there weaknesses in this book? Not many, but I could have used some more humor. Hard to do when its the end of the world. There are some occasions when it seems to take the good guys way to long to react, but perhaps I missed some things burning through the audio book.

Ultimately this book made me care about the characters and where the story is going. The stakes are high and the battle for Valeria is set to find another gear at the end of this book. Even if you are not a fantasy person, you will enjoy this book. It avoids many of the cheesy tropes that turn people off, but embraces the best of the genre; taking it to places I have not seen before, but am anxious to follow.

Finally on a personal note, any book that has a character named Fletch in it already goes down in my pantheon as one of the greatest books of all time. I was literally laughing out loud so hard that I nearly crashed the car. Thanks for making my day Mr. Cooper.    

Universal Hot Crazy Matrix

Since this blog is for posterity, I now give this video to my son. May it serve you well. I knew a few guys that could have used this out at the ol BYzoo. Mild profanity at the end. My apologies. I cannot be responsible for the content of this blog.



Never dated a Tiffany. But I did marry a hairdresser... Overall, I rate the Boss at the optimal score of 10-5. I think all married guys need to know this ratio when making major financial and life decisions.

Good thing I got out of dating early enough to miss the tranny/unicorn!

Sad to say, I'm probably in the No-Go-Zone for women so don't call me to complain about the content of this blog. Once again, I cannot be responsible for what is posted here.

Mile High Spandex

None of you recall a prior post where I recounted my utter failure on a mountain biking expedition at Lair of the Bear, but here it is if you need reference. http://fletchword.blogspot.com/2010/05/lair-o-bear.html. At that time, I thought the guys wearing spandex to go biking were wierdos. Now thanks to a highly addictive introduction to road biking from SFIL-JV (that's step-father-in-law) I'm hooked... and have my own set of spandex.

When you are blessed to be married to a truly exotic and charming woman for 15 years; on your anniversary she will take you to the bike shop to get your "starter" road bike.

Thanks to SFIL-JV I already had the diaper padded spandex shorts, so tossing in a top and some other accouterments; I was read to break in my Fuji Roubix 1.5 this morning.

Sunshine, fresh cut grass, birds chirping and the churning of C-470, the South Platte and Cherry Creek. It was GLORIOUS. According to Cyclemeter, here is my route and stats:

I passed the Broncos having a scrimmage at Mile High, stopped off for a break at Confluence park and basked in the moment before starting the trek home. To the seasoned cyclist, this probably looks pitiful. I'll own that, but it was my first rodeo and I had a good time. What else could I ask for?

View of REI and Starbucks on the north side of the S. Platte River next to Confluence Park

View of the S. Platte looking northeast

View downtown from Confluence Park

Confluence Park

My resting place. Elitch's is just beyond. 

OK. Here are the pics of me in spandex. These were from the Oceanside trip, but whatever. I don't do selfies in spandex. Can't believe it took me this long to discover road biking, but I'm all in now.