Stomping Grounds, Sacred Grounds & BBQ

I've been meaning to catch up to this for some time and am now setting my universe straight. A few months ago Jeff (as you know I don't do last names on here) invited me to hop into his Mercedes and make a 1,700+ mile road trip in 3 days to his native St. Louis for the Baptism of an old friend and a weekend of culinary debauchery. Along the way, we would visit some church history sites and get some Kansas City BBQ. How could I resist? Here is the blow by blow of our epic quest for nostalgia through travel and food.

DAY 1
854 Miles traveled
4,500 calories consumed

We started out Friday morning and made it to KC around 4 or 5 PM. I've never been to KC before and had been fixin to eat some BBQ in one of its most famous cities. I'm partial to the heavier tomato based sauces so I was expecting to achieve nirvana upon finishing my plate. I should first state that my ideal BBQ is not a fancy place where men are trying to impress women. I want a run-down, shack where men eat like men and if women are there, they are throwing any diet out the window. The guy cooking should be a swarthy individual sweating into everything he serves. So, with that said, one of Jeff's friends recommended Oklahoma Joe's BBQ. http://www.oklahomajoesbbq.com/. Located as part of a Gas station near the hood, it fit the bill! Was it the out-of-body experience I had hoped for? No. Some of the best BBQ I've had, but perhaps I went in with expectations too high. The sauce was fantastic. I could have just dunked bread it and been very happy.

Next, we proceeded to flex the sub-woofer and drive through downtown KC while playing Sir Mix-A-Lot's Big Butts song. Typing it here it sounds somewhat juvenile for a couple of 30 something dudes; but for us, a dip into the fountain of youth.

Satisfied all were now aware of our taste in music, we headed over to catch some of the KC Royals and Anaheim Angels game. I was shocked to learn Jeff (major Cardinals fan) had never visited this park so close to home. Of course he mocked and derided everything about the place along with their fans the whole time. Although he grudgingly admitted the place was fairly full, probably due to $1 hot dog night. Worried we would not get into STL until 2AM, we left the pathetic Royals game early and crashed on his sister's couches.

DAY 2
50-100 Miles traveled
10,000 calories consumed

I awake to the humidity and green foliage of suburb know as Fenton. Right from the start Jeff rocks my worldview and informs me that Panera Bread is really just the Saint Louis Bread Company re-branded for a national campaign. But rather than visiting some vile corporate chain establishment first, we drive through the neighborhood as Jeff regales me with tales of all of the trouble he got into a child and where every hot girl used to live in the area. If I didn't know him better, I'd be worried about his aptitude for serial killing. But after visiting so much history, breakfast is calling and we head for Russell's Bakery, a joint now run by his childhood neighbor. We are going to partake of "Gooey Butter Cake" a STL delight. But due to the memorial weekend, we are thwarted as Russel is more interested in fishing that keeping his restaurant open. Not to be denied after nearly 1,000 miles of travel, we drive to his other location downtown and feast on this singular breakfast treat.

For those of you who are uninitiated, GBC is like a lemon bar, minus the lemon, but just a hint more of a rich creamy flavor that has a subtle and smooth finish. The guilt is swelling in me now. Next we head to the church where Jeff will baptize his old friend. Despite not presenting a temple recommended, he performs the baptism and shortly after exiting the font, realizes there are no towels. Thus Jeff's friend (David) was forced to start his new life in the Kingdom with a paper towel pat-down. Thanks to this fiasco, I sang about 50 hymns with the group while we waited for them to return. After all that exhaustive singing and Jeff's hard work to get dry, it was time to eat again!

Next was Cecil Whittaker's Pizzeria where I was treated to ultra thin crust pizza but the real star was Toasted Ravioli, another STL specialty. All was good and the ravioli was interesting, but not quite the revelation of the GBC. Parting ways with David, we headed into downtown and saw a bunch of sights including the Arch (which I realized was not white but steel - I know I'm an idiot), Busch Stadium (home of the STL Cardinals), some abandoned railroad mall and visited some of the spectacular free museums.

Dressed in a suit with my goatee, I was accused of looking like a Tony Stark wannabe in front of this gateway to the west.

Naturally all of that driving and moderate walking called for more food! (Yes, I don't allow myself any other vice). We decided to reverse order and go to Ted Drewes (the all time greatest custard place in STL) prior to dinner. Custard is like ice cream on steroids and is verrrry good. Its so think you can flip it upside down and experience no drippage or falling of the food. I got a Smores mash-up, but after looking at Jeff's apple pie (yes a real apple pie crushed up in custard) I got an unconscionable second helping and loved every bite of it. Jeff informs me I'm the only person he's ever seen attempt such a feat. My powers of gluttony were in full swing...

Next we headed to the Italian district for some mafia good food. At this point we were so full that dinner was a chore. We ate Provel Cheese sticks, which are unique to the area and were tasty, but I couldn't hardly touch my entree. I mean no disrespect to this place so I will leave it unnamed. Headed back to Fenton, I ate a bundle of parsley and went to bed.

DAY 3
854 Miles traveled
5,000 calories consumed

Sunday, Fattening Sunday... We stopped off at one of Jeff's old wards where he was warmly greeted by some old lady who had a recipe book and something else magically ready for him. Some girl he used to date shunned him after Sacrament and I continued to be the mysterious, handsome stranger accompanying the prodigal son. After church we struck out for the long trek home. Before leaving town, we frequented the infamous (that means more than famous) White Castle. In case Jeff's wife ever reads this, I'll spare the details of what he ordered. Let's just say there was enough processed cheese to get to a triple bypass. I actually laughed out-loud when he placed his order (which I assumed must have included me) and then asked me what I wanted.

After much travel, we arrived on the eastern edge of KC or Jackson County Missouri. This is where New Jerusalem will be built and is a curious sight of historical and future significance to LDS people. We toured the visitor's center, walked the vacant lot and saw the RLDS or now Community of Christ Temple. Here are some photos.
Since I don't like to delve much into politics or religion on this blog, I'll leave it alone except for the Liberty Jail. During our tour, we were joined by two younger men in working (cowboyish) attire that were very quiet. Towards the end of the tour, the older Missionary giving the tour testified that one day our friends would know that Wilford Woodruff was a prophet of God. And the lights went on for me. I realized these were some good ol boys from a polygamist splinter group. I was content to leave them alone, but Jeff would not be satisfied. He chased them down in the parking lot and began to interrogate them as to which compound they were from and mentioned several reality TV shows which I'm sure they found to be repugnant or ignorant of. After a major internal struggle of of the guys said they were from the Warren Jeff's clan and not to believe everything in the media. Whatever. But it was fun.

Finally, we visited Gate's BBQ another KC staple where you are greeted with the catch phrase "May I heeellp yoooou?" whenever you walk in the door. Maybe I was too fooded out at this point, but I was not impressed. Not bad, but sadly on par with BBQ in Denver.

Summary BBQ Judgement: KC BBQ is good, better than Denver (easily) but on par Q can be found at Rudy's in Colorado Springs. So save the drive if you are craving a serious BBQ experience on the Front Range.

The rest of the drive late into the wee hours of the morning went successfully (with much diet dew on my part) and thus another LDS bachelor roadie was committed to the annals of history. [yes that pun was intended]. I'm still not sure my colon has recovered. But like John Cougar says, "It hurts so good."