Big Gig 2014 - Fiddler's Green

My first rock concert was at the start of my Freshman year of high school, September 6, 1991. Van Halen. Fiddler's green. I went with one other friend my age on a lark (since we were walking distance to Fiddlers). I was overwhelmed by the rowdiness of the crowd and the stench of beer and cigarette smoke. But through it all, I saw one of the greatest hard rock bands in their prime. I was part of youth culture.

Fast forward 23 years through nearly every major life event a good ol Mormon boy can expect in a quarter century: High School Graduation, Mission, College, Temple Marriage, Birth of First Child, Graduation (like the order?), Move family, New Career, Second Daughter, First House (bad mortgage), Job Change, 2nd New Job, Second House (financial disaster), Loss of Child, Leaving Las Vegas, 3rd Job Venture, Old Home, Trophy Son, Human ATM, Third Daughter, Massive Home Remodel, Midlife Crisis, Finding Joy.

How am I supposed to connect with Youth Culture at the modern-indy rock festival at Fiddler's Green on Saturday July 19 2014? I'm old. beaten down. Wife, kids, church, bills... In the words of Dewy Finn:

Give up, just quit, because in this life, you can't win. Yeah, you can try, but in the end you're just gonna lose, big time, because the world is run by the Man. The Man, oh, you don't know the Man. He's everywhere. In the White House... down the hall... Ms. Mullins, she's the Man. And the Man ruined the ozone, he's burning down the Amazon, and he kidnapped Shamu and put her in a chlorine tank! And there used to be a way to stick it to the Man. It was called rock 'n roll, but guess what, oh no, the Man ruined that, too, with a little thing called MTV! So don't waste your time trying to make anything cool or pure or awesome 'cause the Man is just gonna call you a fat washed up loser and crush your soul. So do yourselves a favor and just GIVE UP!

But never underestimate the power of rock. Even if you have no clue who any of the bands are.

Camera phones replace cigarette lighters. Much better. 

I actually have some familiarity with the sound/genere of music but it was fun to go to a concert where everyone was not threatening each other (unlike my heavy metal concerts of the past). Here are some of the groups that played. I didn't see all of them, but here it is.

Panic! At The Disco, Twenty One Pilots, American Authors, Walk The Moon, MSMR, Brick + Mortar, Bad Suns & Rumours Follow.

My favorites were Walk the Moon and Twenty One Pilots. And let's just say 21 Pilots were off the charts live. Its a 2-man band that is 100% 97 octane the whole show. A bizarre mix of Elton John and Eminem. Here is a clip of them from a different show but you get the idea. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LcK-S0MN6NE

Youth culture restored. I learned that the new trend for front men in Rock Groups is to play drums on the side of the mike and rock the keyboard as well. Just standing there singing and swiveling your hips is no longer good enough for the entertainment saturated youth of Gen Y.

The Boss and I rediscover our Youth

Thanks to Issac and Kristen for making us go. My inner teenager was very happy.

Sports E.D.

Sunday. February 2, 2014.

The snap... safety. I can't even recall the rest of the details.

Halftime. I go upstairs to do dishes.

Screaming (not in a good way).

I don't return.

Game over. Humiliation. Shame. Vomiting.

Can't listen to sports radio or watch ESPN for days afterwards... its all too painful.

Days stretch into weeks.

Week stretch into months.

NBA playoffs come around... can't watch a full game or even a 4th quarter. No hockey, no MLB. Nothing holds my interest. Finals pass and I still can't watch for more than 10 minutes.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME? 


Its all become clear. I have sports E.D. Anyone over the age of 20 knows what my acronym stands for. I simply can't get interested or excited by something I used to love. Maybe sports is in one tub and I'm in the other?



I even tried buying a shirt related to my team but I can't put it on. How do I get the passion back?

I honestly have no idea and beyond whining on my last decade lame blog, I don't care.

Perhaps I just need another 50-14 blow out or:

X-Men Days of Future Past & Godzilla

I'm not super current on the summer movie season, but its time to weigh in on two that scored relatively well on the Tomatometer. Let's see...

X-Men Days of Future Past - 92%

How do you keep the never ending stream of super-hero films fresh? We've seen everything and everyone cut-up, punched and blown-up in almost every imaginable scenario. The future success of this film genre lies in finding some soul in the characters... give them a chance to reflect/change their past and see if they could do better if given the opportunity? Although it seems like every X-Men film is a defacto highlight reel of Hugh Jackman growling with 10,000 veins bursting out of his body; the soul of this story was Professor X. About time. I think he's an incredibly interesting character with powers/interests that go beyond simple comic book throw downs. His relationship with Eric (Magneto) has always been grey and complex and it was nice to see it get some more time in the limelight. Not sure this movie goes in my Pantheon, but I hope it sets a tone that others in H-wood will follow. I think the last Bond film (Skyfall) touched on some of these ideas as well. It doesn't make these movies the greatest things ever, but I don't feel like at 15-year old kid chewing on adolescent hormone steak.

GODZILLA - 73%
I went in with low expectations. How many times can we re-hash a big lizard man fighting a gigantic moth conveniently in the middle of a major city to ensure maximum carnage? I liked the story, production values, etc. but I just couldn't get emotionally invested in the humans. I have the same issue with Transformers. The humans just seem pointless to focus on when they are insects on the stage and plot devices. And how the heck do you kill that super-hot French chick in the first 10 minutes? No wonder the French shun us. We all know cities will be leveled and somehow Godzilla will come out as king of the monsters. But like life, its all about the journey, not the destination. While it was cool to look at, it just didn't grip me or really entertain me that well. Pacific Rim on the other hand had the same predictable outcome, but the journey to get there with the fighting, etc. was simply more interesting to watch. At least the humans had a legitimate role to play in the film. I'd say this is a worthy rental sometime, but save your cash in the theater for something more original.

MY RED BADGES OF COURAGE

WARNING! THIS POST CONTAINS SEMI-GRAPHIC MALE NUDITY. LEAVE NOW IF YOU WANT... DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. 

Paint-balling. An extreme sport that causes a lot of bruises. But its great fun and I finally went this weekend with Paul, Matt and Tom thanks to a generous contribution from the local women's circle.

For the uninitiated like I was, what is this all about? 10-20 minute games where you try to raise a flag or pretend its the Alamo without getting shot... but if you do, you can come back into the game after touching base and get shot some more. Getting shot isn't overly painful, but it hurts enough that you don't want to get hammered by 20 consecutive hits either; so you truly want to take cover and treat it like a "real" gun fight.

Too bad us 4 aging married guys had to get stuck on a team with 20+ people, most of them in high school and no balls to charge up to the front. At the start, we were stoked because we had two guys that looked like they just walked out of a Soldier of Fortune catalog, but they were complete wimps and never got into the fray. Apparently tons of $$$ and gear does not make you a better combatant. We had one tool for a teammate that managed to shoot Matt and Tom. Outside of that, there were two girls that actually had some guts. The rest just hung around the base. I don't get it. You paid money to shoot people and get shot. I guess I now know why armies have leaders that give orders and flog soldiers that don't follow them... cuz it would suck to have your life in their hands. The other team had some sweet guns and knew exactly what they were doing. We got our A$&!'s handed to us. But enough chit chat. You came to see how nasty I got. So here is the aftermath.

Got hit in the arms several times. Leaves a nice gelatinous glob of gook on you. NOT PAINT. What's worse is when you get shot in the mouth. The mask stops the ball from splitting your lip, but you do get stung and the stuff tastes awful. Spent a few minutes spitting it out while returning fire. 

Leave it to me to get shot 2x in the left boob and then have to walk about like I've been lactating. 

There were more welts, but I don't' think you want to see where they landed... 

The Gator was a bit upset about his dad getting shot. "Why'd you do that???"

I should add that Paul got a NASTY welt on his neck. After seeing what happened to him and me, I suggest every dude wear a cup when paint balling. Until next time.

Wheel of Time

Some wind blew and trees rustled and it was not the beginning, but it was a beginning. My nearly six month reading or listening affair with this EPIC fantasy series has come to an end. To give you a sense of how much listening I did in less than six months, check this out:

Nearly 20 total days listening to this series. So here are some highlights:

• Reincarnation / Balance: This book is all about creation as a Wheel that spins and people are reborn into the cycle over countless lives throughout the ages. The pattern the wheel weaves is all about balance and this is most apparent in how the One Power (magic) is used in these books. Women and men balance each other and when they work together achieve the greatest good. Overall, a big nod from Mr. Jordan to Hindu and Buddhist traditions. Of course many other aspects of the books have a Christian point of view (Creator vs. Dark One) but was interesting to see these belief systems reorganized into this world.

• Bechdel Test: Do female characters in the book do anything besides talk/worry about men? To
  understand this, check out: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bechdel_test. Its almost as if this series was created to win the ultimate Bechdel Test award. The WOT universe is largely dominated by powerful female characters and they often have nothing to say about men. This is due to the male channelers of the One Power being corrupted for the last 3,000 years and women have become symbols of power, wisdom and authority. Allegory to how we have often come up with reasons to oppress women in the last 6,000 years? Maybe. Regardless, its interesting to read a series where in a way, things are kinda backwards on gender politics.
• Books 6-10: I'm not the first one to say this, but dang are these difficult to listen to. People say they love how epic and detailed the series is. That's true, but its amazing how little plot moves in 4,100 + pages. I was ok with it due to burning time in the car. If I was up burning the midnight oil reading, I would have likely walked away and I've read about many people who did. Just feels like Jordan was needlessly milking the story with never ending detail about fairly mundane moments. If you are reading and getting tired, just read some summaries and move up to book 11. No shame in my book if you skip them. 
• Twilight (Movie) Ending: Many have complained about a lack of suspense due to no main/major characters dying. Well without giving spoilers, there is an all-out DEATH FEST ala what should have been the real Twilight ending portrayed in the movie. I wish they would have killed a few off earlier, but whatever. 
  
• Sanderson: Took over the last 3 books after Jordan's death in 2007. I was worried it would ruin the series. If anything, he made it better for me. The plot got moving again, no more spankings and I was engaged again. Well done Brandon. 
• Ending: Sanderson said that Jordan wrote the ending. So from that perspective, I see why it abruptly ends. Everyone basically knows what is going to happen, but I wanted some details on what would come of it all... kind of like the scouring of the Shire in the LOTR books (also a flaming shame that didn't make it into the movies). There is so much along the way that doesn't have to be explained, but considering this series reputation for ENDLESS detail on everything, this abrupt ending was very unsatisfying. But I"m willing to concede that they didn't want to overstep the author's ending so I'll let it pass and be grateful it was finished at all. As one commentator said, Elayne taking a bath (very PG) got more time that the aftermath. 
• If you are looking for a way to MAXIMIZE your audible account, good. Just hang in there. 

So where does this leave me? I loved the world created by Jordan, but it really could have been done in half the books and made itself much more adaptable to film and then it could be come a household name. But now that its an effectively unadapatble saga with no author left to negotiate with, it will slowly fade into history without movies or a TV series. It not the end, but will be an ending.

Facepalm Sunday

First of all, this has nothing to do with last minute shopping. Yesterday I took the kids to church and made it to the start of the Sacrament when a struggling CoCo decided to start telling the whole congregation to: "nooooOOOOOO!!! LET ME DOWN! LET ME GO!" So I took her out to the foyer so she could be loud. Many other Sundays I might try to read books, play games, look at paintings, etc. to get her to calm down. But she was on one; running around, turning the lamp and lights on and off, driving the rest of the people nuts. And I didn't have the energy to chase her down. All I could do was put the palm of my hand in my face and groan.

That is Facepalm Sunday. Here is my favorite Captain showing us all how its done.

That was me in the foyer. Then its off to Sunday School. The Gator won't go, starts pitching a fit in the sharing time room. I am a pathetic and horrible parent. Picard shows me the way again with more feeling.

Then a friend commiserates with me in the hallway as I try to figure out a way to handle the situation. 

 Finally, if you can't even get through the third hour...

The Best of the Blood Moons

As you know, I have a strange affinity for the end of the world or TEOTWAWKI. So naturally the BLOOD MOON exhibited in the heavens last night got me searching the internet for signs of the impending Apocalypse. Here are some scary looking graphics that may both enlighten and shock you.

Yep. That's what happened last night. No so scary eh? But what about this? 

Yes. There will be more BLOOD MOONS than what was seen last night. Check this out. 

 You will note that the 2014-15 stuff is the prelude and the second confection in 2032-33 will signal the real end... in step with what I predicted earlier (April 6, 2033).

If you are not sweating bullets yet, taste this!

Don't blame me for the complexity of celestial engineering. According to the website where I found this, here is what the chart means. http://slumz.boxden.com/f610/tetrad-of-blood-moons-2-full-solar-eclipses-and-2-partial-solar-eclipses-all-in-2-years-2058912/

"April 15th will mark the first of 4 blood moons all occurring on Jewish holidays in 2014, and 2015. If you imagine this picture as a timeline of a war between the sun and the moon, where anytime there is a blood moon, the sun wins a battle, and anytime there is a solar eclipse, the moon wins a battle. Very ancient religions view the moon as a source of evil energy, and the sun as a source of positive energy. You can see that there will be a very wild war between the sun and moon coming these next two years, but the sun will prevail and fully eclipse the moon 4 times, while the moon will fail in two of its attempts to eclipse the sun.

Ancient religious texts including the bible, and the old testament, all point towards events like these signalling the end of days and the time of the revelations. We now have videos of animals fleeing Yellowstone, the ring of fire is going crazy with earthquakes, Palestine is requesting to join with the world leadership, Israel is pushing for strikes on Iran.... Overall the level of chaos in this world right now is quite significant.

The sun will win the war with the moon, but surely the damage done throughout this time period will be catastrophic, and I wish all of you the best of luck, and I send love and peace to everyone of you, as I can a$sure you all, even those of you who refuse to believe any of this, that you will be witnessing some truly awe inspiring and mentally damaging global events. Judgement is upon us all and in 12 days, the war begins."

Laugh if you want, but the end is near. I hope you get everything done in the next 19 that you care about. And yes, the Illuminati are to blame for all of this.

Quarter of a Quartet

I don't do much singing outside the ward choir, but last night I participated in musical fireside within a quartet performing "I Love the Lord." Its an arrangement of the hymn most know as "Be Still My Soul", but with the words replaced from the "psalm" of Nephi (see 2NE 4). Its a beautiful song and I hope we did it justice. (As you know, no one would really tell us if we stunk up the joint or blew the key change). Of course, the one time I have a brief solo in church, the words are: "Yet oft I groan, O wretched man am I; my flesh is weak, and I'm encompassed by, a world of sin." I thought I saw a lot of heads nodding in the audience.

I've often been grateful over the years that my mother made me sing in high school choirs (Men's Chorus / Meistersingers) so I could play football. Its been a gift that has lasted well beyond the meat-headed days of my youth and I'll always be grateful she had the courage to be a parent who expected her children to use their talents... even if he still can't read music. The video below is from a performance of this song in General Conference if you want to hear something similar to what we did.  

Mile High Weekend

You almost thought I was going to quit the blog. Well, work has been relatively slow, no reason to quit posting, just have felt like I've got nothing to say lately or all of the joy has been sucked out of my life... until I left the kids and went away with the Boss for a weekend in the Mile High City.

Here is a quick rundown of places we visited/recommendations:

• Root Down: This was the one "must do" thing on our list. I gave an opinion on the real estate a couple of years ago and always wanted to try it out for myself. The food here is all super organic, local and politically correct; not to mention fresh and full of flavor, not a beat down of salt/sugar. Many of the dishes are sharing style so you can get a variety with your date/group. The Boss and I agree this was our favorite dining experience in years. Kinda high brow, but casual enough for anyone to enjoy. If you go, I recommend the following:
• Colorado Lamb Sliders - hands down, I say this is the must try item. Yogurt dipping sauces are fantastic and the sweet potato fries are nice on the side. 
• Carrot & Thai Red Curry Soup 
• Lemon Ricotta Gnocchi
• Bread Pudding
• Snarf's: When we went to Jim Gaffigan's show at the Buell Theater, he said he was going to try this place out. Since I seem to repeat half of what Jim says, I should also eat what the king of all food comedy eats. "You know you're really just eating your feelings... yeah but they're delicious!" Snarf's is a sub sandwich shop based out of Boulder serving toasted subs. So what? The bread is amazing for Colorado. Almost east coast good. If you know what I'm talking about, I'm sure you are already planning to go. If not, then forget everything you just read and get off my opinion diary. We had the Turkey, Swiss & Avocado. Sounds good, but just remember, its all about the bread. Quizno's is going into bankruptcy because this is the kind of toasted sub they should be serving. 
• DAM: I've blogged about our art museum before. Its worth a trip. Just stick to the weird stuff and you'll be fine.  
• Voodoo Donuts: We walked down Colfax met a bunch of charming people and did something I swore 15 years ago that I would never do again... wait 30 minutes in line for flipping donuts. At least when I did that stupid Krispy Kreme line I got to see a huge machine making donuts, get a free donut and see a waterfall of glaze (2 inches high, but whatever). All I got in this line was a bunch of tatted, angry hipsters and a menu too small to read. This place just does a few odd and wildly inappropriate things with above average donuts. Until the stupid line goes away and they get some more locations, stay away. Go to Safeway, get a dozen of your favorite donuts, chop up some bacon and dump a bunch of cold cereal on your quarry and it will be about the same thing. Trust me, look at my gut. I know what I'm talking about. I will now begin accepting knife fight requests from all Portlandiers. Too bad none of those hippie-hipsters has the balls to take me and my Mile High awesomeness on. I shun your donut franchise.  
• Grand Hyatt: Despite what the misleading websites and phone service people tell you: THEY DON'T HAVE SOAKING TUBS. So outside of getting to sleep in for a couple of mornings and watch movies in bed, this place sucked. I ran on their precious track on top of the roof. Wasn't as great as I thought it would be. Maybe the freezing wind was the reason, or that I simply suck at running.
• Syrup: This is a breakfast joint at the bottom of an office tower. Good, but nothing overly special. Go to Snooze instead if you can help it. 
• Pedicures at the Pavilions: No hot water makes for a crappy pedicure. And those ladies were just cruel. I know I've got some nasty toes, but they were digging into the flesh/cuticles like I was a Thanksgiving Turkey. I didn't even get the hot wax bags; I'm never doing this again. 

Outside of the above, we did a bunch of walking around downtown and on 16th Street mall. I love Denver, but let's face it. For someone not in the bar scene, its good but not great. The real joy of Colorado is in its mountains, 300 days of sunshine and great people. Next time we will go skiing and soak in a hot tub while the snow falls sipping hot chocolate and wear huge sweaters. Hopefully that diary post will be forthcoming next year as these weekends away with the Boss are priceless.

GAS STORM

Most new years begin with a bunch of resolutions to get skinny. I'd like mine to not stink so much. About 1 hour ago, my family endured the cataclysmic event which I call GAS STORM.

8:00 - No whiff of gas... Lizard call from slumber party seeking permission to break the iron-clad rule of no sleepovers. "JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE!!!" After a series of NO, she hangs up on me. I return to the Sugar Bowl. 

9:30 - The Boss returns from the final estrogen celebration of her birth-week. The scent of gas within the house remains absent. 

10:27 - Boss walks out the door to pick up the Lizard from the slumber party and is struck in the face by GAS STORM. 

10:31 - Lizard calls, wondering where her ride is. I tell her that GAS STORM IS UPON US. 

10:32 - Boss calls Xcel explaining the scent is formidable outside our house. I can't smell anything on the inside. Paranoid operator (doing her job) tells us to get the children out of the house and not to turn any lights on or off. Garage door may not be closed and the car cannot be started. I get our anxiety plagued daughter out of bed saying we are going to a "surprise" party. She says I am full of hot air. 

10:35 - Since our house is clearly not safe from GAS STORM, we walk two houses over to our neighbors and stay there while the fire trucks are dispatched to investigate. --- It sure is a good thing we hauled our kids out of bed to go next door and wait out the storm that threatened the whole neighborhood.

10:37 - Boss calls Lizard and tells her that thanks to GAS STORM she must stay at the slumber party. Abe Lincoln sheds tears and 12 years of solidarity explode from GAS STORM'S fury.  

10:40 - Despite my enjoyable banter with the neighbors, I become convinced the only reason we are there is my wife assumes I am either the cause of GAS STORM or my neighbor is handy and can keep our family safe since I am incapable of dealing with such a calamity. My sense of self worth erodes by the minute despite my genial mask and dark comments about how nice it would be to die in one's sleep or all together as a family. SERIOUSLY. There are much worse ways to die.   

10:49 - Fire trucks arrive... at the neighbors house, not mine. I guess being handy ensures you are the first to get protection from GAS STORM. 

10:55 - Firemen declare the area safe from the fumes, although they eye me suspiciously...

11:07 - We return to our suspect domicile and the Littles commence flipping out at the 2nd bedtime in less than 4 hours. I may no longer smell the fumes, but the lingering after effects of the storm have just begun. 

SO LET IT BE KNOWN THAT EACH YEAR ON JANUARY 2ND, I SHALL BRING IN THE NEW YEAR BY REMEMBERING GAS STORM. We will have a slumber party on January 2nd and only our family will be invited... or we'll just go to the neighbors. 

Teach the Children the True Meaning of Christmas

Walt shared this with me and now I pass it along. My family and I will read this each year with our own bag of props. And I don't want to hear anything about the Pagans either. Regardless, the symbolism below is meaningful and should draw our minds to the real meaning of Christmas.

Late one Christmas Eve, I sank back, tired but content, into my easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts were wrapped, the milk and cookies waited by the fireplace for Santa. As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help feeling that something important was missing. It wasn't long before the tiny twinkling tree lights lulled me to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but all of a sudden I knew that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes, and you can imagine my surprise when I saw Santa Claus himself standing next to my Christmas tree. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot just as the poem described him, but he was not the "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed, and there were tears in his eyes.

"Santa, what's wrong?" I asked, "Why are you crying?"

"It's the children," Santa replied sadly.

"But Santa, the children love you," I said.

"Oh, I know they love me, and they love the gifts I bring them," Santa said, "but the children of today seem to have somehow missed out on the true spirit of Christmas. It's not their fault. It's just that the adults, many of them not having been taught themselves, have forgotten to teach the children."

"Teach them what?" I asked.

Santa's kind old face became soft, more gentle. His eyes began to shine with something more than tears. He spoke softly. "Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear, and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent."

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny Christmas tree and set it on my mantle. "Teach them about the Christmas tree. Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen, with its unchanging color, represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. Its needles point heavenward as a reminder that mankind's thoughts should turn heavenward as well."

Santa reached into his bag again and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. "The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise on the night that Jesus Christ was born. Teach the children that God always fulfills His promises, and that wise men still seek Him."

 

"Red," said Santa, "is the first color of Christmas." He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. "Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life-giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God's greatest gift. Teach the children that Christ gave His life and shed His blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red, it should remind them of that most wonderful Gift."

Santa found a silver bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. "Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold. Teach the children to follow the true Shepherd, who gave His life for the sheep."
 

Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. "The glow of the candle represents how people can show their thanks for the gift of God's Son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach the children to follow in Christ's foot steps... to go about doing good. Teach them to let their light so shine before people that all may see it and glorify God. This is what is symbolized when the twinkling lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of them representing one of God's precious children, their light shining for all to see."

 

Again Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped cane. As he hung it on the tree he spoke softly. "The candy cane is a stick of hard white candy: white to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus, and hard to symbolize the Solid Rock the foundation of the church, and the firmness of God's promises. The candy cane is in the form of a 'J' to represent the precious name of Jesus, who came to earth. It also represents the Good Shepherd's crook, which He uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs who, like all sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes, which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed, and a large red stripe that represents the shed blood of Jesus, so that we can have the promise of eternal life."
 

"Teach these things to the children."

 

Santa brought out a beautiful wreath made of fresh, fragrant greenery tied with a bright red bow. "The bow reminds us of the bond of perfection, which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors of red and green and the heaven-turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ's sacrifice. Even its very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ's love. It is a circle, without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children."

I asked, "But where does that leave you, Santa?"

The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa's face. "Why bless you, my dear," he laughed, "I'm only a symbol myself. I represent the spirit of family fun and the joy of giving and receiving. If the children are taught these other things, there is no danger that I'll ever be forgotten."

"I think I'm beginning to understand."

"That's why I came," said Santa. "You're an adult. If you don't teach the children these things, then who will?"

(Author Unknown)

What Shall We Give?

The CA just shared with me and I loved it. Simple video about small acts of kindness and service that make Christmas so wonderful. I hope all of you can feel the Lord's love for you this Holiday season.

Merry Christmas!!

Getting My A$%# Handed to Me

Last night the Lizard and I threw down on Black Friday shopping and decided to play some Nintendo Land when we got home. This game has a mode where you can go head to head or have a group competition over a bunch of mini-games. It really is quite fun... until you kid absolutely takes you to the woodshed.

Yep. My girl now owns me at video games. Normally I hear of young men that secretly cry or feel bad after beating their dad in one-on-one basketball or chess. I guess little girls missed that memo. Slammed my face into the floor and mopped it. I got every insult Mordecai and Rigby ever came up with.

Truth be told, I wasn't even that upset. Heck, I might play for 30 mins a month vs. this kid who is playing on a regular basis and has Gen Y powers. And that's what makes this a true end of an era in my life. I suck and I don't care. I've moved on from being good at something younger people tend to do.

I'm officially OLD.

 

NO MORE PATIO SHOTS

I know this has "gone viral" but I must post this for posterity. The mic drop at the end just puts the icing on the cake... or the snow on the table... shoot me.

http://www.9news.com/news/local/article/365622/346/9NEWS-anchor-pleads-for-better-snow-pictures

Catching Fire - Merchandising!

Catnip. A Baker's son with a name that sounds like Pita and the boy named Gale. Love triangle shoved down our throats for all the Twihards. And a bloody revolution. These are the 75th Hunger Games and it definitely caught fire on the screen. Rarely do I say this, but I think I liked the movie better than the book. 

WHY???

It simply spares you the one thing I detest in this series. Endless insufferable whining from Katniss. Instead, it focuses on the pain and courage required for a rebellion. I honestly don't feel like all of the detail of the book made it more enjoyable. I'd say I liked it better than the first movie as well. Plus, Caesar is even more fun to watch in this installment. 

My personal favorite moment. Early on, Katniss is about to shoot some wild Turkeys. As she draws back for the shot, I heard the Boss chanting, kill, kill, kill, kill... She really hates those animals. Ask her about it sometime. 

So back to the point of my heading. This is one of those movies where you can sell action figure dolls, but not much else without serious backlash. But if we threw out the whole PC issue, here is some merch I would totally love to buy:

• Finnick's Trident - The Gator would flip out with that featured under the tree. 
• Peeta's "Easy Bake" Bakery - If girls can make brownies with light bulbs, then my son can make a lovely rosemary olive loaf too. 
• Dresses and Suits that burst into flames for teenagers. Prom. Legendary. 
• Dream Light - Let your child find soothing comfort in a favorite tribute doll that plays the capitol theme song while shining the dead of the day on the ceiling. They could customize it so you can upload photos to show the bully from school or the mean girl who said your arms look fat. I always sleep better pondering the death of my enemies. 
• And Chocolate bars for each of the 12 districts. Nothing sweeter than feasting on the oppressed. 

Yeah. Like my merch, this whole book series for teens is pretty messed up. My only hope is that since this film largely succeeded in removing all of the Katniss drama, perhaps they can do the same with the third book and let this trilogy end in something other than disgrace. 

NYC - THE ASSAULT

Last weekend the Boss and I crossed one thing off our bucket list, a full blown trip to the Big City. We arrived Thursday afternoon and went back on Sunday staying in the W Hotel in Times Square off Broadway. Trip was sponsored by our Venture miles and home renovation! Many thanks to the Google Maps App which had all of the train routes and compass pointing me in the right direction. Here is a brief rundown of our mission to ingest as much of NYC in four days as possible. I hope you are warm and comfortable. Here is a pic with one of the new world trade center towers that we saw.

• Tons of subway travel. I love subways so we used this system to-and-from the airport and everything in between. Which also meant a ton of walking. We never took a cab and the Boss confided at the end of our trip that she was sad that she had never hailed a cab. Normally, I'm a sucker to make her dreams come true, but this one didn't happen. No crazy people or encounters on the trains. It was largely a model showcase for the MTA to these tourists. 
• Accidentally went to Brooklyn. TWICE. I thought the sign for DUMBO (not the Disney Elephant) was talking about me. 
• So much walking demanded some Gellin insoles for the Boss's boots. Apparently they were not made for walkin. 
• Snackbox in Times Square. Best donuts I've ever had. Period. Heck, go there just for that. Coconut Creme and Peanut Butter. The texture was amazing. Krispy Kreme really is white trash. This place has ruined my opinion of all other donuts... not that I'm going to quit eating them anytime soon. 
• LDS Temple. Its awesome. You should go... but it may have technically been the priciest thing on our list. Steve Young basically told Jerry Rice the same thing. 
• BTW we met a great couple there that we hung out with off/on for several days: the Today Show, Empire State and the MET.
• You know I don't do names on here, but one of our new friends is a full-on doppelganger for Stephanie Meyer. I was half expecting her to get stopped over it. 
• And no, for once in my life I did not ask any embarrassing questions about it. (although I should have).  
• LOTS AND LOTS OF PIZZA. DURING THE DAY AND LATE AT NIGHT. By far the best was John's on Bleecker Street. It was condemned last year for infestation... its that old and yes there was still a serious line to get in. Its that good. I'm that much of a tourist. Go look it up. It was fantastic. Thanks to "The Sweat" for that recommendation. 
• Second place was some dive directly southeast of the Empire State. Yes, the pizza made me giddy. 
• Jersey Boys - This musical had everything you'd want in a Broadway show, good story, laughs, lots of fun music and tons of swearing. Yes, leave the kids at home for this one and rat me out to my Bishop so I can become the hymn book coordinator. 
• TOURIST JUNK SHOPPING IN CHINATOWN - I have no idea what possess people to want to buy lame tee shirts, statues and knock-off designer bags from theses places. Hence, the reason I still find my wife full of mystery. But hey, this whole trip was not just for me. 
• MoMA - I'm sure the Boss would say "I have no idea what possess people to want to blow $25 to look at kids paint splotches and see pointless works of art where silence is a 4'33 song." And she is totally right. I actually had more fun at the San Francisco and DC MoMAs than this one. Its got all of the Picasso's, etc. but I want the truly crazy stuff like rooms filled with machines cutting paper into art. 
• The MET - Don't know what to say. Its the MET. We went and saw nothing good. Nothing good? What do you mean!? We saw priceless works of art.. we ate pancreas!? (name that reference!)
• Grand Central Station - Nice architecture. Lots of trains, beams of light and a clock. 
• 9/11 Memorial - The museum was not yet open, but the waterfalls in the foot prints of the two towers was spiritual and haunting. The holes seems to just drag you down to the sorrow of that moment and the water has a cleansing aura. Very well done. The new towers look cool, it will be nice to see the whole thing completed. BTW - they are making a killing off the entry fees.

• Wall Street - Yep. Satan and his minions are there with a ton(s) of gold beneath the Fed according to the Museum of Finance. The bull statue was cool, except for all the annoying people trying to get a picture touching its balls. At least I saw no one treating it like the Blarney Stone...
• Cheese-steak Cart - Famished and wanting after the EPIC FAILURE of Champ's deli to produce a sandwich worth eating (yes we actually threw away $18 worth of food. Why? Because we were better than it) we found this cart. Cheese whiz, peppers and steak? It was bliss. 
• Found Fletcher Street. Seemed like a tiny alley that time forgot.Took a picture. Apparently its getting a make-over. Go Fletcher Street!  http://www.lowermanhattan.info/construction/project_updates/30_fletcher_street_79675.aspx
• Slept in twice. Time well spent. 
• BUT DID NOT SLEEP IN on Friday for THE COMMUNIST TODAY SHOW.
• My precious Broncos Sign was made for free. "Mile High Madness | Go Broncos!"
• My precious Broncos Sign did not make it into the broadcast even though they said it would
• The only reason they asked us to be in that "so called fame shot" was becuase my wife is so beautiful... and we had Stephanie Meyer with us.
• Boss shook Al Roker's hand. I had chills. 
• Hear the news delivered from a communist perspective. I was tempted to try to get the crowd to start chanting DRAGO! DRAGO! DRAGO! 
• Stayed wayyyy too long. I ran away to Walgreens and got warm for a good clip of the time. 
• FAO - It was just like Big. The piano was there and its all 30+ years old and completely jumped the shark. 
• Dylan's Candy Bar. Tons of candy, loud music, kid friendly with a bar upstairs. New York!
• Serendipity 3 - The home of the original iced hot chocolate. Yes, I know that's an oxymoronic food but I didn't invent it. Worth the 45 minute wait? You bet. It was charming and the bizarre Summer Bries sandwich was delicious. 
• I can't believe I've typed this much already and you are still reading. You deserve THE TRIPLE CROSS. (name that reference!)
• Starbucks truly is on every other corner and the lines to get a stupid hot chocolate are insane. 
• Seems like 1/3 of all women were wearing spandex or tights. Often with no skirt and no it was not always attractive. Yep, that questionable look may be coming soon to your hood. 
• Saw lots of hipsters with ironic modes of transportation and popular counter culture clothing... Good for them. 
• Peanut Butter & Co. This was a pleasant surprise next to NYU in "THE VILLAGE" (Greenwich). I had a maple peanut butter bacon sandwich and it was jaw dropping or locking. Boss got the Elvis. Even better. 
• Central Park. Its nice. But to a guy from Colorful Colorado, it doesn't do much for me. Bought some chestnuts that were roasted, but not over an open fire. They seemed awfully bland. No wonder I've never had them before. 
• It was fun to muse over how many times this place has been mangled in super-hero battles while walking around. 
• Did I say we ate a ton of food? 
• I should also mention we walked it all off. I weighed less after the trip than before. So did the Boss.  
• EAT THAT NEW YORK CITY!!! I DEFY YOU!!!

My biggest take away from the trip was how much fun I had with my wife. Take any couple with nearly 15 years of history and get them in each other's faces for 4 days non-stop in the NYC pressure cooker and tempers could flare. Quite the opposite for us. I wish I could do nothing but tour the world with her. But alas, these are the days of our lives and at least I get to spend a few great ones like these with her alone once every three years.

Now go and do all the stuff we did. Seriously. The list is not long enough when you are with someone you love. Here are some of the pics. Don't tell anyone who we are. 

ENDER - The End of Card?

“In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him. I think it’s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves. And then, in that very moment when I love them.... I destroy them.” A.E. Wiggin

This is a bit late in coming, but wanted to chime in with my thoughts on this book adaptation. Card is probably one of the best known LDS authors (not counting that mom in AZ) and has a TON of material that could be made into movies. I read an article with Card saying this film was like an audition to Hollywood for his other books. If this one makes it, others can follow. Which makes sense, movies on this scale need to be bankable and have some built-in measure of success or following before being made. So... does this movie do the book justice and create a huge market for adapting Card's works into film?

The short answer is NO.

According to Box Office Mojo, this thing cost $110M to make and after the first couple of weeks (where most the bling is made) it only made about $63M world wide. That's basically a death knell for adapting the rest of his works since this was regarded as his best or most popular book. Some say the gay rights activists killed the momentum of the film. HOGWASH. Are you serious? They may not like Card, but hardly have the time or inclination to do serious boycott/damage to the film. The target audience for this movie was not the gay community. Like politics, you need to energize your base and win over new/swing supporters. The base is not large or outspoken and off the cuff it looks like another sci-fi movie with explosions.

This movie in my opinion was as good as one could hope for. The production values were strong, acting was good enough, music and effects worked nicely. Can't recall anything super-awkward or silly. However, many including Card had thought this book un-adaptable since its written largely in between the ears. It did an OK job of showing you what happened on the outside, but it failed to really convey Ender's personal struggle and genius, which are what makes character and the book so popular... and that is what the rest of his books typically rely on as well. Perhaps this movie really needed another 30-45 mins to explore battle school and give Ender more time to develop on screen?

I was particularly disgusted that many of the "fart" references from the book failed to make it into the film. 

So its sad that no more Card works are coming to the cinema anytime soon. I wish they would, but my tastes don't match the budgets, electoral college or the popular vote. This flick is definitely worth a rental and may get you interested in a bunch of other books that I loved, so I guess this can't be all bad for Card and his portfolio after all.

Gravity - The Theater Event of 2013

IMAX 3D + Gravity = Mind-blowing.

Several years ago I posted about Avatar and how I'd never seen anything like it. I'm pleased to say that feat has just been replicated, only this time I have no complaints over naked blue aliens making me feel like a capitalist swine pig who abuses minorities for fun and profit.

This movie is relatively simple in plot and dialogue, but rich in visuals and visceral emotion. It comes off as more of a study in core emotions such as fear, grief, pain, hope, and courage. There is beautiful symbolism in the simple essential nature of life and how fragile it is.

Without spoiling the film, I'd also say there are some interesting spiritual messages about prayer, faith, sacrifice and hope.

Sandra Bullock and George Clooney did a fantastic job. They definitely help you feel the terror and emotion of the moment, but not in an overly dramatic fashion. I would imagine that is a hard balance to strike in front of a green screen and of course the director deserves props for getting that out of them.

What really impressed me the most in this film was the camera work. Its like a fish in water that can swim anywhere around the astronauts or their ships and even seamlessly get inside their heads for a first-person perspective. Dealing with 360 degrees of freedom, planning out those shots must have been tedious (I heard it took 4 years to make this film) but it comes off graceful and really enjoyable to watch.

Finally a word about IMAX and 3D. Owning a 3D projector at home I think I'm qualified to comment on this. There are two key aspects of this technology.

1. Depth perception of the image - This is what most people don't consider with 3D. It allows you see spatial relationships as if you were there with your own eyes.  
2. Pop-out Effects - This is what most people think of and is difficult to do well without it being a cheesey distraction. 

Normally, I hate 3D because it can be distracting (wearing glasses), makes the picture dark (due to the lenses on the glasses) and most 3D movies were not made for 3D and are just a cheap up-scaling with almost no benefit.

Let me assure you, its not just a gimmick in this show. It took forever to make was developed for 3D viewing. Having your field of vision full with depth perception makes the experience remarkable and elements of shrapnel flying at you are not just for gee-whiz effect, its part of the story. Additionally the droplets of blood, tears, etc are all beautifully captured with this technique.

Simply put, this is a film that should be experienced at least once on a big screen. Avatar, Jurassic Park, Star Wars/Trek, 2001: A Space Odyssey are a few that come to mind. Easily the best movie of 2013 thus far and likely to stay that way.

The Bronco Way

Stuck in an epic shoot-out with time winding down and ball control could mean the game?

The Drinking Game for Mormons

Thanks to Megan, I now have a fantastic idea to implement for the next session of General Conference. Before the start of the Mo Tabs singing, have the following on hand:

1. Several chilled 2-liters of full bodied, caffeinated soda or whole chocolate milk - in honor of the heroin laced variety they sell at the BYU Creamery. 
2. Shot glasses for all participants.
3. Table near the TV for pouring in rapid order.
4. Volume at maximum, sub-woofer at full capacity for the bass pedal notes.
5. Bonus - Eat 1 tater tot with each shot

Each time you see the following during the music, take a shot. 

• Anyone not Caucasian
• Anyone mouthing "watermelon"
• The conductor
• The organist
• Anyone singing with their eyes closed
• Add your own rule

This is stupid, but then that's exactly the point. Have fun and keep it all down and off the carpet.