Movie & Book Club - Pathfinder and The Words

Dudes. Time for another iteration of my media breakdown for all outcasts from real book and movie clubs.

PATHFINDER - This is the first book in a new series by Orson Scott Card. After having multiple people tell me that I must read this book, I broke down and listened to it on a two-day marathon trip through the mountains. If you have read any of Card's work, you'll know or love the following elements of his writing:

• Genius or gifted children
• Multiple fart or other ridiculous juvenile jokes
• Time travel or people skipping through time
• MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF TIME being covered (rise and fall of empires and civilizations)
• Bizarre pseudo-scientific explanations of theoretical physics
• A ton of talking and debate about said physics 
• Political intrigue
• Smart kids mouthing off to adults and ROCKING their world view
• Very little fighting
• Main character that should be a total Haas, but just talks his way out of everything

So while it may sound like nothing is original here, I choose to say its everything I love about his writing in a complex plot that is very engrossing. I'll admit some things could have been shortened, but I always love the huge scale and scope of his books. I don't want to spoil the books, but they are another very interesting take on humanity's potential and their relationship to the planet and the things they create. So just go read it and don't be like me. 

One small complaint. If the people in this book are so smart but lack fossil fuels, I find it hard to believe they would still be living in such squalor. A society with as much advanced knowledge could surely do better than the mid-evil world portrayed in this book. 

THE WORDS - The Boss and I did our usual Red Box run last night for a movie that she picks and I finish. Before you go any further I must give a spoiler alert! I'm not sure how I can discuss this movie without giving a few things away, but its a predictable film so I don't feel all that bad about it. 

Simply put, this movie is INCEPTION using authors. Layers or stories within stories, massive amounts of guilt and the desperate struggle to escape or cope with that guilt. It also has a somewhat ambiguous ending.  

I was surprised at what is a very star-studded cast with Bradley Cooper, Jeremy Irons, Dennis Quaid and Olivia Wilde. I'll say it right now, this is not a typical popcorn feel-good movie. It probably ticks a lot of people off which is why it was not a large commercial success. So if you are more indy-minded in your movie selection, this may be in your wheel-house.   

So let's get down to it. A struggling writer steals another man's long lost book and is treated as the next great American author. When confronted by the true writer of the story, can he live with the lie or will it destroy his life? Seems like an obvious answer, but it was interesting to see how this film shows the writer's attempt to explain what happened and blur the lines of fiction and reality to numb his guilt. I think the story shows the power of finding your true self (voice) in the midst of suffering and why we can't fake the stuff that matters most - even if we have succeed in fooling everyone. 

A good example of finding voice comes from JK Rowling. I recall her explaining that the death of her parents was with her the entire time she wrote the Harry Potter series. It wasn't really about the boy who is a wizard but doesn't know it. It was about a boy dealing with life after losing his parents. Those books are not literary classics, but the power of her grief gave her a voice that rang true for millions (billions) of readers.

Writers or not, I think everyone comes to develop a voice. Some call it identity, brand or "your offer to the world." What do you genuinely do well and have to share with others? Life can be sweet when you pay the price and make the world a better place. Fiction and fantasy cannot replace it. Perhaps its why most of our media choices leave us feeling so empty. Hard to be fulfilled by someone else's work.    

No to Thank You

I was brought to my attention about a year ago that the staff at Chic-fil-A is trained say "my pleasure" whenever you say thank you. At first this didn't bother me but over my next visit or two, it started to annoy the heck out of me. I had a day trip for business a week ago and I made it my goal not to say thank you at any point during the transaction.

Rather than saying thanks I say:

Yep
That's fantastic
Good deal
Cool
Sweet
Word
Solid

Not once have they responded with "my pleasure" to any of the above.

Am I being a jerk or saving these poor workers from saying something they don't mean? Am I not saving them from four extra lies in a given day?

People don't typically say my pleasure any more instead of the more common "you're welcome." It implies something more intimate than just common courtesy or performing one's duty. Maybe our society is so over sexed that the word pleasure simply can't be attached to anything non-sexual without some level of discomfort. Regardless, I'm going to carry on in my private crusade to have a more honest interaction with the Chic-fil-A staff. Join me if you are tired of the lies.

How Bitter It Is

I can't bear to say much more than this about our loss yesterday.

I think I may have urinated vinegar at some point last night. Here's to doing better next season once the next genius head coach in the NFL is no longer jacking up our offense. 

One-ups & Youtube

Just loved this... my kids will probably know this much problem more intimately than I ever will.

EXCALIBUR - The Greatest Christmas Gift... EVER.

Here is the video I made for the presentation of a Royal Gift to Queen Julievere this last Christmas. There are some black screen moments with music. This was intentional to allow time for gathering the present from the tree and the Lizard to shine her green finger light on the blade as it was unsheathed from its box.

Tears were shed. Heads shook in disbelief.

It was a moment to remember. See if you can guess what I gave her.

The Less Miserables - Raw Smackdown 12'

A taste of things to come

RAW

Is the word that best describes what I saw in the latest screen adaptation of the stellar 1980 musical. True to contemporary tastes in film, this movie wants to take an old classic story or characters and show us the rough and emotionally naked core of something familiar. The fresh 21st century view of unflinching realism... or so we are led to believe.

So naturally with these elements working I LOVED THIS MOVIE. Not perfect and certainly not as good as the play, but emotionally stirring and perhaps the best possible adaptation. I know I'm a weeper and this film got the water works flowing. The acting was top notch for Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman. What can I say, the guy just nailed it. (I'll forgive a few high notes that no dude with a pair can hit, much less a true Australian Haas like him).

This is an "IN YOUR FACE" film so I don't think I could re-watch it for six months. Seriously, if you have a fetish for facial close ups, this movie is a gratuitous buffet of visual delights. I'd normally say it was too much, but I appreciate Hooper pushing the envelope in this regard giving the film a unique look and feel. 5 years from now each song will be classic on YouTube (assuming it still exists).

One thing I give the movie credit for is fleshing out details of the play that I had not imagined before. While the play is the superior way to experience this music, the movie really fleshes out scenes and details. So this is the one point where the film exceeds the play in awesomeness.

So go get awesome, but be prepared to have your heart ripped open.

Holy Van Noy

Let me start with some important audio that just changed BYU history:



First of all, I love the line - SACRIFICE YOUR BODIES! (coaches love to say that.. when its not their bodies)

Secondly, this was absolutely how this game played out and Van Noy is now the Waterboy of BYU football.

That could have been the ugliest first three quarters of a BYU bowl game in history. Not one offensive touchdown. Sucher turns to me and plays the clip above on his iPhone and the words never seemed so true. QBs throwing picks like drunken sailors and a non-existent running game. Someone on defense would have to score a touchdown for us to win the game. Shortly after playing this now legendary clip, Kyle Van Noy exploded with a forced fumble and recovery for a touchdown and a pick-6 a few minutes later.

How sad is a bowl game when one defensive player scores more points that both offenses combined? BYU wins with no passing TDs? Not the Cougars of old.

With the Mayan Apocalypse looming large tomorrow, this game could mean two things:

1. Despite BYU playing fantastically bad, the Lord will not allow his team to lose before the end of the world. If he can do it for Tebow, he can do it for BYU. They simply can't go out losers. 
2. A BYU team with an utterly pathetic offense and dominating defense must be a sign of the Apocalypse.

Well, here's to hoping we fire Doman, recruit a real QB and keep our new found defensive prowess.

The Ultimate Christmas Love Monalouge

This is a page right out of the ol Glory Days. In 1993, Boyz II Men owned the CC campus and all but guaranteed a successful date with a special lady. Go to 3:27 for the monologue and hear the speech I repeated to many a maiden when I was know by several monikers such as "The Guru" and "Ranch."

 

Girl, this Christmas you won't be alone

You don't have to cry

You don't have to worry about a thing

All the gifts that you wanted this year

Are your's

You don't have to worry about him no more

'Cause he's gone

Don't live in the past baby

I'm your future

All the feelings that I have

Are here for you

Anything that I can do

To take away any problem

That you may have or have had

I'm here

Just say [INSERT FIRST NAME]

And this Christmas is your's

The Hobbit at 48fps & 2:30

Its been a busy week but I figured it was time to weigh in on my viewing of The Hobbit last weekend. I was excited to see a film adaptation where the problem is not how to condense a huge book into a 2 hour movie, but how to stretch one book into 3, 3 HOUR MOVIES. Its almost as if some studio executive posed this problem and suddenly:

Yes, with the great corporate power of Barnabus Stinson behind him, Peter Jackson found the will to make MORE MONEY OFF ONE BOOK THAN ANY OTHER IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA. Its too early to say, but I'm certain when this is all done, it will be the highest grossing book adaptation of all times. But enough of my anti-capitalist pig venom.

Many complained about the 48fps. It was a beautiful movie like the trilogy before it, but if I hadn't been told about the technology, I don't think I would have wondered about it. Since I have completely shunned 3D movies, I have no comment on that realm.

Overall, this is a fantastic movie. I will say it is much too slow to get started and some of the action sequences seemed stretched to hit a quota of "action." The Shire portion of the movie could have easily been cut by 20 mins. I've heard others say it and it rings true - Its like watching a movie with all of the deleted scenes added back into the film. But I shall not complain. Is there ever too much time in Middle Earth? I only lament the original LOTR series didn't get two films per book as Tolkien intended with his book 1 & 2 structure.

My only complaint - An old wizard with an enormous turd on his head riding a sleigh pulled by roid rabbits!? C'MON MAN! Was that really in any of Tolkien's book? Radagahst just became the Jar-Jar of LOTR.

In the end, I am pleased to say I passed the test Peter Jackson imposes on all his audiences:

12.... 12.... 12....

Even as I type this my bowls begins to melt. I'm looking out my window and a Red Sun rises. I learned from Legolas this means blood has been or will be spilt. Or perhaps something more positive will happen?

Of course after 5 minutes of searching the source of all truth (GOOGLE) it would appear to the casual observer that nothing major has happened on the recent FREAKISH sequential dates:

10/10/10
11/11/11

But wait! The next time we get such a special date or "portal" to another dimension is on January 1, 3001.

NEARLY ONE THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW.

In our world of never ending excuses for sales and parties, I'm shocked I have not see the following:

• 1-day only 12-12-12 sale at Macys! $12 off any purchase - This sale will not occur again for another 1,000 years so hurry in today!
• Buy 11 Pizzas and get the 12th Pizza free from Pizza the Hut! 
• Me: I'm going to treat myself and quit work at 9:00 PM and watch a depressing foreign film on Netflix with unsalted and non-buttered popcorn. 
• Hi. I'm Tom Shane. - Guys, its the last major sequential date for nearly a thousand years. Want to show her that your love will last even longer? Why not buy her a commemorative diamond 12 pendant from the Shane company? These hand selected diamonds from the blood mines of Africa are truly unique and I killed the middle man to get to them. This gift will let ALL of her friends know that you make even the most obscure events reason to buy her jewelry. Her status as a trophy woman will be a legacy for generations to come. - Now you have a friend in the end of the world jewelry.. The Shane Company located 1/2 mile east of I-25...   

Geeking Out Pt. 74

Most of you know I love a good comic book or sci-fi movie. I could take as many as the Hollywood machine will throw at me.

All art-house Nazi's need to quit complaining and hail Awesomeness. What's not to like in these movies?

Super-powers, explosions, popcorn, gadgets, lasers, explosions, martial arts, one-liners, popcorn, awesomeness, laser vision, people getting tossed, shouting, fire, heroism, sacrifice, popcorn, explosions and more Super-powers. 

(BONUS - guess the meaning of my Chiastic structure above)

So here are the latest films I'm completely geeked out for next summer:



First of all, Sherlock Holmes is the bad guy? How awesome is that! This one looks like it will have a close to home plot which should be very interesting. The Trek re-boot continues to be my standard by which all re-boots must be judged and the Star Wars prequels forever shamed.
 

Personally, I love the look and feel of the visuals in this trailer. The teaser and this one have led me to think the next installment will focus more on Superman's inner struggle and weakness/vulnerability. All good things to heighten the stakes or drama for a nearly indestructible character. Of course ZOD my all time favorite villain is in this one so Supes really is in mortal danger (or at least whatever city he's fighting in is TOAST). Regardless, catching these trailers today was nothing short of copious amounts of hot lather smothered on my face by Hollywood and I'm ready to go... in six months.

The Death of Me

I know my death clock to the left says I have plenty of years yet to go, but renovating my home and paying for it could speed up the process.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my financial planner about disability and life insurance. It was noted that as long as I could speak, I could do my job so disability insurance was not as serious for me as say someone in construction or a dentist that needs their hands. The following scene from one of my favorite films basically shows how I can work myself to death even if I can't get out of bed.



Of course, no posting including this film would be complete without the following montage.

Real Wedding Vows

Forget Corinthians or holding hands while listening to Aerosmith's "Don't wanna miss a thing" song for vows; the following is the real deal:

Just prior to this scene Alec Baldwin delivers a classic line. Bacon is in the car with him freaking out before the wedding and he asks:

"Do you think I`m gonna be happy-I mean honestly?"

Baldwin responds:

"You want to be a writer and father, maybe it`ll work out, who knows?...
Yeah, you`ll be happy. You just won`t know it, that`s all."

MURDER & FUR

This is for all my cat loving friends and in honor of my cat TIGRA. THE WORLD'S MOST BLOOD THIRSTY CAT. Why is her fur so soft? Plenty of fresh meat!

Skyfall - The Greatest Bond Film in the Modern Era?

The latest effort in the 50 year saga of masculinity wrapped in Tuxedo. Cinematically this is probably the best Bond film ever made. There is a scene involving low lighting, tons of glass doors and a jellyfish constantly reflected across all surfaces which makes for fascinating camouflage. To be perfectly honest, I enjoyed the camera work and visuals much more than the action which was good, but nothing I haven't seen before. Like The Dark Knight Rises, this film allows audiences to see the traditionally robust, mythical hero become old and vulnerable.

True to the unbreakable vow of all contemporary action films, the movie is one never ending chase sequence. Creepy Spaniard guy dyes his hair blonde and provides the necessary antagonist, but this is where the overall concept of this film fell short for me. I wanted more emphasis on the aging... slow, inevitable death. I guess what I want is not a Bond film, but more of a character study analyzing how Bond's life would fall apart without mortal pursuit, combat and at least two nubile women moaning "James" all the same time. But in Hollywood this film will never happen. If things don't explode every 10 minutes we get bored, throw our popcorn at the screen and head-butt the stranger in the seat next to us.

What I probably enjoyed the most were some good inside jokes at the theater. At one point, we discover Bond's family heriloom collection of guns were sold to "some guy from Idaho." Ralph Fines is stuck as Voldermort in my mind. In every scene he appears I'm waiting for him to whip out a wand and start screaming "AVADA KEDAVRA!" At the end of the film, I was waiting for him to reveal himself to Bond as the Dark Lord and via the Imperius curse, make Bond his first Muggle Death Eater. But I was denied.

The biggest failing of the movie is the end of the opening sequence. Bond has been shot in the chest or mortally wounded. After this he able to spend 15 minutes fighting on top of a train at high speeds. His fellow agent is instructed to take out the bad guy with a sniper rifle and shoots Bond instead (never clear where he was shot either). He falls 300 feet into a raging river and the classic musical opening sequence begins. We see him rescued by some River Nymphs and sucked down into the sandy abyss shadow and intrigue. Later with no explanation whatsoever, we see bond ravishing women (bored), drinking liquor with scorpions on his hand (boring) and grimacing at his chest wound (chicks dig scars).

I guess we are forced to believe River Nymphs really saved him because that's all we get. It could have been the end of the franchise and it was brushed off with "Put some river mud on it and get back in there" attitude. Whatever.

For me, the modern era of Bond begins with Golden Eye. Since that time, I think Casino Royal was the best entry, followed by Golden Eye which upheld the sacred rule of killing Sean Bean at the end. As much as I've whined, I would rank this 3rd in the modern era. A fine film... but not the zenith of the franchise.    

Is the Mormon Moment Over?

After what seemed like an eternity (eight years) of running for president, Mitt Romney is not going to the White House. I'll admit I'm crestfallen this morning and have no desire to go to work... or build anything. The church had unprecedented coverage during Romney's run. Ultimately, I'd like to think it was very positive. Many people got to know Mormons as regular people with traditional values, but also as a people with a variety of backgrounds and struggles. So now that people don't have to deal with the idea of a Mormon running the country, is the media hype about the church done?

I'd say yes and no. Yes to what I call the Media Moment and no to the Church making headlines.

Media Moment - Most people really don't care to hear about other people's beliefs all the time. Heck, plenty of people don't want to think about their own religion all the time, much less the guy next door. If I'm running a magazine, newspaper or other media outlet, I'm probably worn out on the issue as well. So I think the media pieces highlighting the faith and why we are different is going to go down dramatically. Evangelicals can now go back to praying for us and I doubt more profanity laced musicals are in the works.

Headlines - I don't see the church changing its position on controversial topics such as gay marriage, abortion or supporting the Boy Scouts. As those issues continue to clash, the Church's larger national presence will be seen and heard. Some will love us and some will hate us.

This election felt like a tipping point to me. We are on the European fast track. Religion is now what happens at weddings, funerals and a few holidays, but mostly just ceremonial stuff and not for everyday living. De-militarization and flat 50-75% taxes. Its the only way we can "attempt" to pay for all of our programs. And the majority of us will cheer for it. I'm not leaving the country, so I guess I'd better get used to it until our economy collapses under the astronomical debt, sparking a second world-wide depression and chaos that could eventually lead to Biblical Armageddon scenarios.

(You knew I was going to work the end of the world into this. In a less serious post, I'd blame the Illuminati for Romney losing last night).

Yeah, I don't have that much faith in Bureaucrats solving the world's problems.

Before you say I've given up, I do think its a matter of time before the Dem majority ticks everyone off and we will  likely see another Republican President and Senate down the road. However, I think we just went over the fiscal edge and I don't think we can come back. I feel like blaming 3 years of campaigning for a 4 year term. Or maybe I'm just in a sour mood this morning.      

Executive Toilets

I used to think that executives having a private bathroom was an absurd excess of pig vanity capitalism. But lately, I've begun to think it would pretty dang sweet to have one of my own.

Why?

I've been drinking more water these days and I'm not sure if I've got a bad prostate or developed 7 year old girl bladder syndrome, but I get sick of marching past the whole office 3-5 times a day to think straight at my desk.

It's getting awkward.

It's getting so bad I'm starting to hope I can pick off the treasured personal male urinal at the annual white elephant party this December. But with no lock on my door, that's a potentially scandalous solution.

I suppose it would be less taboo in the car on a long roadie, but if I started doing this, my thin list of friends would drop to ZERO. In fact, I think you just de-friended me right now.

Oh well, I guess I should just accept my age and embrace 10,000 trips to the communal restroom.

Raising Arizona

I'd like to say I've always been a fan of this Coen Bros flick, but its probably better to say I've re-discovered it. Thanks to Nextflix streaming, after 4 failed starts, I finally finished this crazy movie.

Let me say up front that if you saw this prior to having children and now have some, go back and watch this. The comedy just took on a whole other sad but true ring to it. Lately, my life has been kinda hectic...  Watching the insanity of this movie, I feel like the main theme song has become the daily soundtrack of my life.

Of course, I love white trash humor despite my better half being so desperate to avoid any and all things white trash. I think what I liked the most was the camera work that brought a whole other dimension to the comedy. If you have streaming Netflix, give this one another go and think of me and the Mrs. going crazy. I started singing this song in the bathroom the other day and Brianna started cracking up. The Boss was not amused.

Life During Home Renovation

This is your brain:

This is your brain on home renovations:

There are no questions.

Yeah, I'm that burnt out and the stench of it won't come out of my clothes and the basement.

Since this is all supposed to be funny 10 years from now, let's revisit a day from the Money Pit that would cause me to take a bath in kerosene and drop a match... Good thing I don't fit in our bathtub.

 

The Future of the Sword in America

As we approach TEOWTWAWKI the power of the sword will be felt. It may seem ludicrous, but as a NeoChristian nation, allow me to share some scriptural sword references that demonstrate why this magnificent change to one of our national symbols is bound to happen.



Doctrine and Covenants 6:2
Behold, I am God; give heed unto my word, which is quick and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword (perhaps like a light saber?), to the dividing asunder of both joints and marrow; therefore give heed unto my words.

Alma 24:12
Now, my best beloved brethren, since God hath taken away our stains, and our swords have become bright (note the picture above), then let us stain our swords no more with the blood of our brethren.

Jeremiah 50:36
A sword is upon the liars; and they shall dote: a sword is upon her mighty men; and they shall be dismayed.

1 Samuel 25:13
And David said unto his men, Gird ye on every man his sword. And they girded on every man his sword; and David also girded on his sword: and there went up after David about four hundred men; and two hundred abode by the stuff.

Ezekiel 14:17
¶Or if I bring a sword upon that land, and say, Sword, go through the land; so that I cut off man and beast from it:

2 Nephi 5:14
And I, Nephi, did take the sword of Laban, and after the manner of it did make many swords, lest by any means the people who were now called Lamanites should come upon us and destroy us; for I knew their hatred towards me and my children and those who were called my people.

Ezekiel 5:12
¶A third part of thee shall die with the pestilence, and with famine shall they be consumed in the midst of thee: and a third part shall fall by the sword round about thee; and I will scatter a third part into all the winds, and I will draw out a sword after them.

Alma 17:37
But behold, every man that lifted his club to smite Ammon, he smote off their arms with his sword; for he did withstand their blows by smiting their arms with the edge of his sword, insomuch that they began to be astonished, and began to flee before him; yea, and they were not few in number; and he caused them to flee by the strength of his arm.

Helaman 13:5
And he said unto them: Behold, I, Samuel, a Lamanite, do speak the words of the Lord which he doth put into my heart; and behold he hath put it into my heart to say unto this people that the sword of justice hangeth over this people; and four hundred years pass not away save the sword of justice falleth upon this people.

Alma 44:12
And now when Moroni had said these words, Zerahemnah retained his sword, and he was angry with Moroni, and he rushed forward that he might slay Moroni; but as he raised his sword, behold, one of Moroni’s soldiers smote it even to the earth, and it broke by the hilt; and he also smote Zerahemnah that he took off his scalp and it fell to the earth. And Zerahemnah withdrew from before them into the midst of his soldiers.

Psalms 78:64
Their priests fell by the sword; and their widows made no lamentation.

Doctrine and Covenants 121:5
Let thine anger be kindled against our enemies; and, in the fury of thine heart, with thy sword avenge us of our wrongs.

Revelation 19:2
And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse, which sword proceeded out of his mouth: and all the fowls were filled with their flesh.

Isaiah 2:4
And he shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruninghooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

Now that I've tricked you into 5 minutes of scripture study on swords, please share any new insights you now have about this scriptural chain and its implication for Zion in TEOWTWAWKI.