The Less Miserables - Raw Smackdown 12'

A taste of things to come

RAW

Is the word that best describes what I saw in the latest screen adaptation of the stellar 1980 musical. True to contemporary tastes in film, this movie wants to take an old classic story or characters and show us the rough and emotionally naked core of something familiar. The fresh 21st century view of unflinching realism... or so we are led to believe.

So naturally with these elements working I LOVED THIS MOVIE. Not perfect and certainly not as good as the play, but emotionally stirring and perhaps the best possible adaptation. I know I'm a weeper and this film got the water works flowing. The acting was top notch for Anne Hathaway and Hugh Jackman. What can I say, the guy just nailed it. (I'll forgive a few high notes that no dude with a pair can hit, much less a true Australian Haas like him).

This is an "IN YOUR FACE" film so I don't think I could re-watch it for six months. Seriously, if you have a fetish for facial close ups, this movie is a gratuitous buffet of visual delights. I'd normally say it was too much, but I appreciate Hooper pushing the envelope in this regard giving the film a unique look and feel. 5 years from now each song will be classic on YouTube (assuming it still exists).

One thing I give the movie credit for is fleshing out details of the play that I had not imagined before. While the play is the superior way to experience this music, the movie really fleshes out scenes and details. So this is the one point where the film exceeds the play in awesomeness.

So go get awesome, but be prepared to have your heart ripped open.

Holy Van Noy

Let me start with some important audio that just changed BYU history:



First of all, I love the line - SACRIFICE YOUR BODIES! (coaches love to say that.. when its not their bodies)

Secondly, this was absolutely how this game played out and Van Noy is now the Waterboy of BYU football.

That could have been the ugliest first three quarters of a BYU bowl game in history. Not one offensive touchdown. Sucher turns to me and plays the clip above on his iPhone and the words never seemed so true. QBs throwing picks like drunken sailors and a non-existent running game. Someone on defense would have to score a touchdown for us to win the game. Shortly after playing this now legendary clip, Kyle Van Noy exploded with a forced fumble and recovery for a touchdown and a pick-6 a few minutes later.

How sad is a bowl game when one defensive player scores more points that both offenses combined? BYU wins with no passing TDs? Not the Cougars of old.

With the Mayan Apocalypse looming large tomorrow, this game could mean two things:

1. Despite BYU playing fantastically bad, the Lord will not allow his team to lose before the end of the world. If he can do it for Tebow, he can do it for BYU. They simply can't go out losers. 
2. A BYU team with an utterly pathetic offense and dominating defense must be a sign of the Apocalypse.

Well, here's to hoping we fire Doman, recruit a real QB and keep our new found defensive prowess.

The Ultimate Christmas Love Monalouge

This is a page right out of the ol Glory Days. In 1993, Boyz II Men owned the CC campus and all but guaranteed a successful date with a special lady. Go to 3:27 for the monologue and hear the speech I repeated to many a maiden when I was know by several monikers such as "The Guru" and "Ranch."

 

Girl, this Christmas you won't be alone

You don't have to cry

You don't have to worry about a thing

All the gifts that you wanted this year

Are your's

You don't have to worry about him no more

'Cause he's gone

Don't live in the past baby

I'm your future

All the feelings that I have

Are here for you

Anything that I can do

To take away any problem

That you may have or have had

I'm here

Just say [INSERT FIRST NAME]

And this Christmas is your's

The Hobbit at 48fps & 2:30

Its been a busy week but I figured it was time to weigh in on my viewing of The Hobbit last weekend. I was excited to see a film adaptation where the problem is not how to condense a huge book into a 2 hour movie, but how to stretch one book into 3, 3 HOUR MOVIES. Its almost as if some studio executive posed this problem and suddenly:

Yes, with the great corporate power of Barnabus Stinson behind him, Peter Jackson found the will to make MORE MONEY OFF ONE BOOK THAN ANY OTHER IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA. Its too early to say, but I'm certain when this is all done, it will be the highest grossing book adaptation of all times. But enough of my anti-capitalist pig venom.

Many complained about the 48fps. It was a beautiful movie like the trilogy before it, but if I hadn't been told about the technology, I don't think I would have wondered about it. Since I have completely shunned 3D movies, I have no comment on that realm.

Overall, this is a fantastic movie. I will say it is much too slow to get started and some of the action sequences seemed stretched to hit a quota of "action." The Shire portion of the movie could have easily been cut by 20 mins. I've heard others say it and it rings true - Its like watching a movie with all of the deleted scenes added back into the film. But I shall not complain. Is there ever too much time in Middle Earth? I only lament the original LOTR series didn't get two films per book as Tolkien intended with his book 1 & 2 structure.

My only complaint - An old wizard with an enormous turd on his head riding a sleigh pulled by roid rabbits!? C'MON MAN! Was that really in any of Tolkien's book? Radagahst just became the Jar-Jar of LOTR.

In the end, I am pleased to say I passed the test Peter Jackson imposes on all his audiences:

12.... 12.... 12....

Even as I type this my bowls begins to melt. I'm looking out my window and a Red Sun rises. I learned from Legolas this means blood has been or will be spilt. Or perhaps something more positive will happen?

Of course after 5 minutes of searching the source of all truth (GOOGLE) it would appear to the casual observer that nothing major has happened on the recent FREAKISH sequential dates:

10/10/10
11/11/11

But wait! The next time we get such a special date or "portal" to another dimension is on January 1, 3001.

NEARLY ONE THOUSAND YEARS FROM NOW.

In our world of never ending excuses for sales and parties, I'm shocked I have not see the following:

• 1-day only 12-12-12 sale at Macys! $12 off any purchase - This sale will not occur again for another 1,000 years so hurry in today!
• Buy 11 Pizzas and get the 12th Pizza free from Pizza the Hut! 
• Me: I'm going to treat myself and quit work at 9:00 PM and watch a depressing foreign film on Netflix with unsalted and non-buttered popcorn. 
• Hi. I'm Tom Shane. - Guys, its the last major sequential date for nearly a thousand years. Want to show her that your love will last even longer? Why not buy her a commemorative diamond 12 pendant from the Shane company? These hand selected diamonds from the blood mines of Africa are truly unique and I killed the middle man to get to them. This gift will let ALL of her friends know that you make even the most obscure events reason to buy her jewelry. Her status as a trophy woman will be a legacy for generations to come. - Now you have a friend in the end of the world jewelry.. The Shane Company located 1/2 mile east of I-25...   

Geeking Out Pt. 74

Most of you know I love a good comic book or sci-fi movie. I could take as many as the Hollywood machine will throw at me.

All art-house Nazi's need to quit complaining and hail Awesomeness. What's not to like in these movies?

Super-powers, explosions, popcorn, gadgets, lasers, explosions, martial arts, one-liners, popcorn, awesomeness, laser vision, people getting tossed, shouting, fire, heroism, sacrifice, popcorn, explosions and more Super-powers. 

(BONUS - guess the meaning of my Chiastic structure above)

So here are the latest films I'm completely geeked out for next summer:



First of all, Sherlock Holmes is the bad guy? How awesome is that! This one looks like it will have a close to home plot which should be very interesting. The Trek re-boot continues to be my standard by which all re-boots must be judged and the Star Wars prequels forever shamed.
 

Personally, I love the look and feel of the visuals in this trailer. The teaser and this one have led me to think the next installment will focus more on Superman's inner struggle and weakness/vulnerability. All good things to heighten the stakes or drama for a nearly indestructible character. Of course ZOD my all time favorite villain is in this one so Supes really is in mortal danger (or at least whatever city he's fighting in is TOAST). Regardless, catching these trailers today was nothing short of copious amounts of hot lather smothered on my face by Hollywood and I'm ready to go... in six months.

The Death of Me

I know my death clock to the left says I have plenty of years yet to go, but renovating my home and paying for it could speed up the process.

A few days ago, I had a conversation with my financial planner about disability and life insurance. It was noted that as long as I could speak, I could do my job so disability insurance was not as serious for me as say someone in construction or a dentist that needs their hands. The following scene from one of my favorite films basically shows how I can work myself to death even if I can't get out of bed.



Of course, no posting including this film would be complete without the following montage.