if I were a day of the week, I'd be Tuesday - yes, I'm that boring
if I were a time of day, I'd be 4:30 PM - always my most effective time of the day
if I were a direction, I'd be NORTH. Simply due to some great one-liners from Superman.
if I were a tree, I'd be the Avatar Tree - because I want naked blue aliens living on me.
if I were a tool, I'd be the Akron Hammer.
if I were a flower I'd be a carnation just to see if my wife would still love me.
if I were a musical instrument I'd be a Gong - I would sound profound all the time.
if I were a color, I'd be the color of sweat - oh yeah, I work that hard.
if I were a fruit, I'd be NONE.
if I were an element, I'd be plutonium.
if I were a food, I'd be pizza, it can be breakfast, desert, dinner, Mexican, Chinese, even Italian.
if I were a place, I'd be the bachelor pad in the Tron Legacy trailer.
if I were a material, I'd be polyester - to honor my ancestors.
if I were a scent, I'd be bacon.
if I were an object I'd be the all-spark or the matrix of leadership.
if I were a song I'd be Turbo Lover.
MAN STUFF
if I were any boxer I'd be Ivan Drago
if I were any barbarian I'd be Conan
if I were any Jedi I'd be Obi-wan
if I were any death-eater I'd be Lucius Malfoy - just for the hair
if I were any super hero I'd have Peter Petrelli's original power
if I were any stormtrooper I'd be a snowtrooper from Empire.
if I were any football player I'd be Nate Newton
if I were any baseball player I'd be John Kruck
if I were any basketball player I'd be Charles Barkley
if I were any hockey player I'd be Adam Foote
if I were any soccer player I'd be... the goalie who got shot
Alas, I am none of these things. Just a boring blogger.
are you sure you wouldn't be dragon fruit? Turbo lover. lol. I actually just bough metal meltdown a couple days ago...
ReplyDeleteCCF
Carnations and Polyester? 1970's prom night? Very funny post!
ReplyDeleteYou failed to answer the most important question of all, "If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself?"
ReplyDeleteHeck, I know I would.
I'd smother myself with mustard and relish; I'd be delicious!
I put none on fruit since my wife swears I don't eat any. - Judas Priest is the most under appreciated British metal band of all times, behind Man-O-War.
ReplyDeleteI missed the 70s and I'm still upset about it.
Love the hot dog. Yes, I'd eat myself as well, but I'd rather be a bratwurst.
A couple of things . . . the soccer player that was shot was not the goalie, he was a defender that scored an own goal.
ReplyDeleteNate Newton and Charles Barkley . . . really? What part about Nate do you associate with - getting busted with a ton of weed? What about the Round Mound of rebound? Hopefully it's not for his off-court issues, although I can imagine that you have a golf swing that is just as ugly.
Do we need to have a presidency intervention?
Jake
I've just been taken to task. However I must clarify that I only meant like the players on the field, not off... ouch.
ReplyDeleteHow about dem Twilight apples, Voldy-F-word!!!?
ReplyDeleteTruly Poetry.
ReplyDelete