The Break-up

I this weekend I just witnessed the longest road ever taken by a man to do the dishes. Normally, these sort of movies have a plot where you can at least sympathize with the man (Harry Met Sally, War of the Roses, etc.) but in this one guy was just a plain idiot. The main characters of this movie are D.I.N.K.s. Dual Income No Kids. Aniston spends all evening cleaning the condo and fixing dinner for their families who come to supper. After dinner, Vince, a 30 something guy grabs a seat on the couch and starts playing grand theft auto. Aniston asks him to help with the dishes, he says no, because he worked all day and needs to de-stress. She say she's worked all day and then cleaned and cooked. At this point the "break-up" begins with a fight about her being too anal and clean and him being too much of a slob and not caring.

At first I assumed this must have been written by women portraying a heroine stuck with a self-absorbed oaf. A modern indictment of the state of men and their immaturity. But then I looked it up and the story is written by Vaughn and some other guys? What!? Can't you at least write yourself a good argument? I WANT A MOVIE WITH SOME DAD-GUM MAN POWER AND THESE YAHOOS CAN'T DELIVER! This guy was clearly the guilty party from the beginning. It drove me nuts the whole movie. DO THE DISHES YOU MORON!!! TAKE 10 MINUTES AND IT WILL BE OVER!! As they say, the lazy man works the hardest. A wise prophet says in a break-up it is usually the man's fault. Painful experience says DO THE DISHES. IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU WILL DO ALL DAY. (Don't ask Julie about how well I walk my talk.)

Towards the end, Vince does some thinking and changing. He cleans up and realizes what this woman means to him. He reaches the point where he is willing to sacrifice (i.e. go to the ballet), because he realizes that its the best way to show your love. But too much too late. Perhaps the writers were tying to show men that you are idiots and need to change, regardless of the outcome.

I didn't care about the ending. I guess some filmmakers feel better about themselves for creating a realistic movie without a happy ending. Often I like that, because life does have hard lessons. But in a case where one small act could have fixed 90 Mins of yelling, I wanted to see something good happen. GENERATE SOME POSITIVE KARMA YOU NEGATIVE CRAZY BITTER PEOPLE!!! Alright. I'll go do the dishes now.

Harry Potter & a/(a+b)

!WARNING! This article is full of spoiler info if you are not caught up on the books or are just watching the movies. Read at your own peril. Mild as it may be.

What are the odds on who will die in book 7? After some searching on the "net" I found little information. No one in my home town has any odds on it, so as a "Las Veegan" I'm making my own. (Send check or money orders to me to place bets - j/k). I'll go through the major characters and then discuss what I think will happen in book 7.

Before that gets rolling, I had to check up on what odds actually meant. (Despite my Stat 221 class). If I say the odds are 4 to 1 (4:1) the odds of the event happening are 4 chances for the event to happen compared to 1 chance that it won't. In this case 4:1 is 80% in favor of the event happening (4/(4+1)). Good Grief. On to the predictions that I made with my crystal ball and tea leaves (Don't call my Bishop). Most are just my hunches; I don't do hours of research in the books for this so don't send me a howler. Part of the reason I'm doing this is to go on the record with my predictions and for posterity's sake.

Hairless Potter: 1:10 - There is a popular theory that J.K. will kill Harry off so no one can use him in the future, but I don't buy it. I know the prophecy says "one can't live without the other" but I just don't see the books ending on such a dark note. Rowling said Harry may die and mentioned that a character got a "reprieve", but I doubt its Harry. I'm banking on "kids books" Happy ending.


Ron & Hermione: 1:10 - Once again, I think there is a very low chance of the "Big 3" being killed off. These books are "triumph over evil" tales, not Greek tragedy or some other high-brow stuff where you feel cool for reading something that was "real". This franchise will sacrifice some secondary characters, but not THE main characters. Besides, these guys are set to propagate the future Order of the Phoenix crew (which will be necessary - read on) and no Dark Lord or pesky blond haired bully is going to get in their way.

Ginny Weasley: 50:1 - You heard it here. Ginny is TOAST. Burnt Toast. I see her as the classic girlfriend gets murdered and drives the hero to victory. Harry just gets to survive this book. If you have a vision of Ginny and Harry flying into the sun-set on a broom forget it. Ginny has not been a major character in the majority of the books and is easily expendable. She was already used by Voldermort and will get hosed again. SHE IS NOT THE REPRIEVE.

Voldermort: 375:1 - This is a no-brainer. I won't even explain. Death & Taxes. By the way - these are the odds R2-D2 gave Luke and Han to survive on Hoth when shut out of the base at night.

Snape: 4:1 - If he is good, then he's a worthy sacrifice to get rid of V-Mort. If he is bad then he deserves to die and most likely will. I leave in the 20% chance he could survive, just to cover my big ol white butt.


Order of the Phoenix Characters: 1:1 - Hagrid, Lupin, Tonks, Fred, George, Bill, Fleur, Mr. & Mrs. Weasley and any other contenders. I lump them all together because I'm not sure about any of them. 50% on any of them. If its the twins, I say they both die. YOU JUST DON'T SEPARATE TWINS OKAY? As for RAB - I think he is dead. If I had to pick one to get waxed, I'd say Lupin in a steel cage werewolf death-match with Greyback.

Death Eaters: 3:1 I think the casualties for these guys are likely to be heavier. In this sort of story, more bad guys die than good ones if there are to be casualties on both sides. Wormtail, LeStrange, Lucius, Mrs. Malfoy, Draco, Crabe, Goyle, etc. All on the chopping block. Most likely to die: Wormtail. Harry saved his life and he will re-pay Harry with his life (as is the Wizard code or whatever). Least likely to die: Draco. Just feels wrong. Aint gonna happen. Mark my words fool!

Dursleys: 1:1,000 - What would be the point? Dud-ums and his family are going to continue their life in suburbia - a fate worse than hell.

The reprieve: I think this went to Ron. He and Ginny were going to both die, but that was a bit much. Harry would have hooked-up with H-Money in their grief and loneliness, but that would have been too much drama. After all, this is witchcraft, not a day time soap opera.


Predictions (Quick & Dirty): Dumbledore is going to give Obi-wan type assistance to Harry through fawkes. RAB is dead and was Regulus Black. Harry is not a Horcrux - You don't try to originally kill something you are putting your soul into. Harry will get hosed throughout the whole book, will not gain much in the ways of skills, abilities or powers, but will win on sheer luck and LOVE. Wormtail will kill Voldermort to settle his mystical bond with Harry for saving his life. (If you read LOTR this is going to be a disappointing rip-off of 'WORM-TONGUE' and Saruman -- GOSH! They can't even change the names up! Good thing Voldermort and Saruman don't sound similar.) Bellatrix will be killed by Neville. Lupin and Tonks will get together (although it will be temporary). Snape is good and will die tying to kill V-Mort. (I know, call me if you want that explanation).

The Fremont Street Experience

Recently I had the opportunity to visit the "Fremont Street Experience" in Downtown Las Vegas. Home to the "mall" with an LCD screen paneled dome. Sounds cool right? Wrong. I thought it would be interesting to see another part of my town, but I was sorely mistaken.

To those who may not be familiar with Las Vegas, Downtown is the arm-pit of the central business district. The Strip where the Bellagio, Wynn and Ceasars make their home is several miles south of downtown and is the stuff you see on TV and movies all the time. However, when you see a shot of some seedy place on CSI, its probably downtown.

Prior to my pilgrimage to Fremont Street, I often heard it called a mall. To me that usually means shopping. Exchanging money for goods and services. Unfortunately, no real "goods" are available on Fremont Street and if I purchased services down there, I'd be headed for divorce court. The street has been cleared off for pedestrian only use and it is lined with old Casinos and cheesey souvenir shops. Elvis would feel deep shame for having his mug all over this place. If you are brave, I suppose the $6.99 prime rib dinner could entice you to the "mall", but I'd pass.

Essesntially, I would say this is Satan's ultimate mall. Its sells nothing of remote value, the food will kill you, it has several strip clubs with huge LCD screens outside filled with naked women, you go there with false hopes to loose your money, you have nothing but shame and heartburn to show for your time and effort and even the sky is obstructed by televisions to dull your senses and cut you off from the presence of God. I just shoved the red pill down your throat.

Needless to say, I won't be returning anytime soon.

Book Review: 1776

I'm not a huge history buff, but this book was excellent. It is a historical narrative on the Revolutionary War with a balked perspective from both sides of the conflict. The book is primarily narrative on events and journal excerpts from those involved. The main character focused on in the book is "His Excellency" General George Washington. It starts with Washington arriving for the seize of Boston, chronicles his many retreats from New York through New Jersey and culminates with his brilliant defeat of the Hessians shortly after Christmas.

I always knew the revolutionary war was a desperate struggle and we were outmatched, but after reading this book it is clear that on paper, the Americans had no business winning the war. Their arms, training, resources, discipline, tactics were all well below the level of their opponents. They were dirty; their sanitation habits made me cringe a few times. Now I know why the go nuts about latreene santiation at scout camp. They often were lazy, disobedient and careless. Washington lamented the condition and character of his men many times. He particularly had a hard time with the New Englanders who were hard, dirty, closed-mined and rebellious. (Sounds Familiar? I found myself identifying with those feelings having served a mission in Boston). However, when these men put their might into an cause, their results were always remarkable. Despite their shortcomings, they were extremely courageous, hard-working and self-sacrificing. Many left their wives and children on the farm to go and fight and possibly die for their country. Some left when their wives were sick and came back. These men worked through intense summer heat and bloodied their feet marching in winter snow for their cause. Several carried on for months with no pay and nothing to provide for their families. I couldn't help being moved by their letters to their wives and families.

On several occasions, the Hand of God was with the Americans. In Boston, the Americans needed to secure Dorchester Heights so they could effectively fire on the British who had superior fire power. The only problem is that once the British saw them attempting to take the hill, they would open fire and make a blood bath of anyone attempting to erect proper fortifications on the hill. So the Americans built fortifications in other locations and designed to move them in the night and put them in place before the British could realize that had happened. On that night, several wrote that there was thick cloud cover over the British, which concealed the work of the Americans, while on the back side of the hill, there was ample light for working. The British were wholely surprised and had to withdraw from the city before being pulverized by the superior position of the American artillery. Later in New York, after the failed battle of Brooklyn, the British were poised to capture the entire American army and a desparate retreat was undertaken by Washington throughout the night. However, they did not move quickly enough and by the light of day the Americans were about to be exposed. But once again, miraculous weather interviewed and a thick fog settled in on the British and one could not see more than several feet ahead. However on the American side, it was clear as day and they were able to finish the retreat and the revolution continued. Had this fog not come, we might all be speaking Old English right now and saluting price Charles as our future king. We'd have no baseball, hamburgers, pizza and apple pie. That Fog goes down in the Fog hall of fame.

The overall impression I had as I reached the end of the book was one of dejection. "These are the times that try men's souls." I never realized the depth of that statement until I knew it meant that our army had been beaten and forced to retreat over and over again. It looked absolutely hopeless. Washington had about 2,000 men and they faced over 30,000 British. He decided that he needed a "brilliant" storke to turn the tide. He decided to cross the river on Christmas Eve and assault the Hessians (hired German soldiers) at day break.

He was victorious and did not loose a single man in the fight. It reminded me of a Nephite victory. Washington not only won not only a battle, but the confidence of the people and changed the tide of the war and arguably human history. As I read I could plainly discern that the spirit of God was upon Washignton and enabled him to be positive and undaunted in the darkest of times. His attitude, dress and courange were nothing short of divinly inspired and his men knew it. I am so grateful for the blessing of Freedom and the right to worship, think and live in a free society. I hope we all remember the sacrifices of thoes that went before us and use thier example help us meet the challenges of our day.

Things Have Changed

I'd like to share some quotes from a fictional book that I recently read. Although they may seem humorous, I put them here to show how much our attitudes 'appear' to have shifted in the last 30 years. The book deals with a woman struggling to decide if she wants to keep her marriage together with her golf-addicted psychologist husband.

This guys' mantra to his wife is "You should feel lucky to be married to someone who understands human relations." (tip to all male readers - never say that.)

[During an argument] "I have to go away, Clem, to be with Neena while she is still at home with us, before she falls in love or gets married. I told you all that; and to be honest, I've got to think things out about us." [Clem responds] "What's wrong with us? I feel alright. It must be you. What's the matter?... You take things too seriously. You just need more sleep." (That's when you do a full-tooth grin and run for the bomb shelter)

[The golfer then gives this story to his wife - about a couple in his class that was thinking about divorce] "They'd come to our class because President WEDLOCK who works with us, was their mission president...After listening to them for a while, he just looked at the husband and said 'I knew you when you loved the gospel more than anything in the world.' The husband said, 'I do now. I still do.' Then President Wedlock looked at the wife and said 'I knew you when you loved the gospel more than anything your life too.' And the wife said, 'I still do. I still love the gospel more than anything.' Then, very interestingly, the president looked at both of them and said, 'No you don't. You don't love the gospel enough to stay married for this earthly life - this little short time." [He then turns this logic on his wife and says] "Radene, do you think we love the gospel enough to live together for this short earthly life?"

I think we just missed the proper perspective on eternal marriage.

[After receiving some sage wisdom advice from a woman on the trip who divorced her first husband, married again, husband #2 dies, and then re-married the first husband - the wife comes to this realization] "I have chosen Clem and I will make this marriage work. Clem might never be a prophet, probably not even a bishop or stake president, but he is my husband. And whatever his mission, no matter how many games of golf he plays, I will be his wife as long as he wants me - through all eternity, if we can meet those requirements. If we ever part it will be Clem that leaves me."

Now I understand why men were sad about the women's movement. Our once great system - Carte Blanche power to get away with nearly anything - gone, done, finished. Hello diapers, dishes, pillow talk, HR department, Steel Magnolias and salty tears.

[On the subject of buying new clothes and travel] "I know clem makes me feel guilty if I want expensively tailored clothes. He says I sew so beautifully and he loves seeing a woman sew. I want to travel, and he says we can't afford it."

Last time I checked, golf is a pretty expesnive sport to play. If this guy was really golfing at least 4 to 8x per month he was spending at least close to $100/per month. And he has the stones to tell his wife to go sew her own clothes? In the 2000s, this guy could be considered the bravest man on earth.

To be fair here are some quotes that I thought were good and still hold true. [This is the sage wisdom from divorce-death-re-marriage gal] "It isn't necessary to like and do the same things to allow the other to have them. We don't have to have the same point of view to live together, just the same goals. We might be achieving our same goals in different ways." "Keep your goals in mind and remember, that which you cannot change, you change your attitude toward." "Comming home to a nagging husband or wife only makes each of us seek time away from each other."

I admit I got a good laugh out of some things in this book. But it make me think - Did philosophies change in the Church over the last 30 years to fit the times or have we just learned to live our religion better? Studying church history, looking at the lives of the prophets, I'd say we are living more closely to what the brethren taught and our prior attitudes were influenced from the overall environment.

Let me make it clear that I am all for single-income families, distinct roles, and the proper order of things - "equal partners" as the proclamation on the family states. I hope the shift in the last 30 years has been a push for men to realize that the Priesthood is the privilege to represent the Lord and to serve and your wife and children; who come first and should be our top priority.

P.S. I reserve the right to not have Julie throw this in my face the next time I whine about changing a diaper.

King Noah Was Not Fat

Familiar with the picture above? It contains a great falsehood! Look at that corpulent corpse on the throne. That gold crown with the big plates on either side. The leapords. Almost every other painting of King Noah is based on this one. And consequently we've all be brainwashed into thinking the wine-bibbing, whoremonger of a king was grossly obeese. BUT YOU ARE WRONG!! And I'll prove it. - But first, think about Nephi and the Apolstle John. Beardless right?

It is common in Hebrew tradition to grow a beard after you are married (much to the shagrin of your wife). So why are these two married guys beardless? To show youth? Cleanliness before the Lord? Probably. I think its just tradition and I'm here to change your life by letting you know that these guys had beards. [feel different?]

Now back to Noah. Look at Mosiah 19:4-6. Gideon, the badest Nephite around fought with Noah and had to chase him up the tower. Are you telling me that the tub in the picture above could have avoided death by running...up a tower??? But this isn't a one time adrenaline rush. Look at Mosiah 19:9. Noah again escapes death by running before the people to safety. We assume that becuase he was labeled a "wine-bibber", "lazy" and sought after whoredoms that he was fat. Many of the people who pursue a such a lifestlye are quite thin becuase they don't have the time or the inclanation to eat. Perhaps ARNOLD was just tyring to show the inside on the outside. Regardless, I'm confident Noah was at least below 250 lbs, unlike the 500 lb butter ball that we love - with a beard.

Book Review: Life Expectancy, Dean Koontz

This is the first Dean Koontz book that I've read. I was told that I've become the worst sort of "suburban-mini-van-reader" for doing it. But I loved it. The book is about Jimmy Tock, who's grandfather predicts that Jimmy will have five "terrible days" in his 20's and gives the dates. And then dies. The book is full of wit, suspense, mild horror and I laughed out loud several times. The suspense involving the first day is thick. For my family - the food described in the book is very tantalizing and it was fun to read about another family obessed with food. Most astonishing was the plethora of profound statments about life sprinkled through the book. [I'm not going to quote them so you'll read it.] The book is very readable, but dosen't feel like a Hairless Potter 3rd grade sprint. A word of caution: if you were freaked out by "IT", avoid this book.

Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy, Happy Anniversary!

The 7 year itch. I'll be wearing my traditional wool clothing to remind me of the longevity of my marriage. I don't want to bust out a wife-a-money here, but Jules is the best thing that ever happened to me. On our special evening, we decided to finally fulfill a desperate yearning that we've been holding out on since we first tied the knot. MAN WAS I EXCITED!!! I rushed home from work with flowers, a bottle of martinelli's, box of See's truffles, and spritzed on some cologne. Then I proceeded to check our reservations at the Hilton. Still good. We would finally do it...EAT AT BENNIHANA'S!! Let me say this. It lived up to the hype. I had fun sitting at the cooking table and getting to know some people over dinner. We sat next to a couple of teachers and everyone was in good spirits. I ordered some crazy grape-fruit, cucumber beverage out of the following mug:

Once our performer came to the table, he made butter "fly" and lit up a volcano for us! I have to say I like shrimp, but do not love it. However, this shrimp was the best shrimp I've ever had. P-E-R-I-uh-D. Not breaded or fried, just the real deal, lemon, butter and fire. M-m-M-m-M!! Then I busted out the julian beef with green onions. The Shizniz. Jules couldn't keep her hands off it (ouch).

Bottom Line: If you haven't gone, it is worth it. At least at the Hilton in Vegas.

Nachooooooo....

You'll either hate or love this movie. May it give you the nutrients and the strength. I've only seen this one once, but I'm sure it will improve on subequent viewings at 2AM. My favorite moment had to be chucking the corn in the guy's eye. And the flatulence before jumping Skeletor. Jack Black has guts. I wonder if anyone would hang out with me after watching me in Robin-egg tights for 1.5 hours?

Pirates of Mount Doom

2 Hours. 31 Minutes. Yep.
This felt like a long movie.
As they say, you judge a performance by the seat of your pants and my butt was bleedin!
The action was very good, the music was strong, the performances were great, it all just seemed too much. Lots of effects, etc. But the story was weak. I loved the whole escape from the cannibal tribe sequence, but it was completely unnecessary. Perhaps had they cut that, I'd have liked the film more. And what's with all of the LOTR moments? Heck I thought they had gone to Mount Doom for a moment at the beginning of the movie. I felt like there was several moments where ol Peter Jackson took over.

But let's get on the real juice. Lizzie fell for the bad boy!!! WHY??? Doesn't spicy, squash-buckling Orlando Bloom fill her canteen of love? What's so enchanting about some swarthy, dread-lock havin, mascara wearin white guy? "the rewards of doing good" ???? Shoot. I guess if chicks like that served it up to every grease-ball out there, we'd have a 0% crime rate. Bottom line: its a love triangle for the sake of a love triangle. --And why didn't Legolas beat her upside the head for necking with the source of all their problems? We're at sea!

If ESPN Ruled the World

If missionaries have "gator-ball" then I suppose the foregin relations department should too.

Superman Returns Symbolism

If you haven't seen the movie, this should not ruin anything for you. But I'd like to point out some good things I noticed. And NO, I won't be discussing this over the pulpit in a testimony meeting.

1. Overall, the film stresses a theme about following the teachings of your father. Even if your earthly father is someone you don't look up to, we hall have a Heavenly Father who has given us so much counsel that can help us through hard times. In the film when Supes is struggling, he thinks about his father's teachings and admonitions: serve, set an example, don't be upset because you are different, remember your heritage, become as I am. -- All great things we can remember.

2. When shafted by Lois, instead of going home to Bon-bons and listening to Metallica's "fade to black" Supes focuses on serving others, instead of wallowing in self-pity.

3. In order to re-gain his full strength, Supes flies up above the clouds and absorbs the rays of the sun. In similar fashion, when we rise above the world through prayer, scripture study, service, temple attendance, etc. We are filled with the light of God and given the strength we need to overcome our trials.

4. X-ray vision can be used in a moral way.

Feel free to comment on anything else you saw.

Dumbledore Is Not Dead

To all you Hairless Potter fans, you will find this highly provacative.

http://www.dumbledoreisnotdead.com/

My personal opinion is that Dumbledore is dead, but will show up in Obi-Wan fashion through his Phoenix powers to help Harry in the 7th book.

I also predict that Harry will die in the last installment of the series so people cannot hijack the character in the future. He will become "the boy who died"

8-20-06: I recently heard that J.K. Rowling specifically denounced this web site. However, I don't think it ruins my predictions above. Dumbledor will be back in some way or another - and more powerful than you can possibly imagine!!!

LDS Film Question

If you had to show someone who is not LDS and has no knowledge of the church an LDS movie, what would it be?

Rules:

1. The film cannot be produced by the Church itself.
2. You cannot explain the movie to the person before they watch it.
3. After the movie, you'd be free to answer questions, but not ask them - Just to see what interests them, not promote your agenda.

(Of course, when directed, the rules may be broken)

I would pick: The Singles Ward.

Here is my answer:

The film is non-threatening. It has a lot of humor which I think gives a good picture of who we are. Plus it makes a point that members should do what they do by their own choice, not because of tradition. I think it would inspire many questions as it brings up many things that make us a peculiar people.

First Words

Actually, this is my second attempt at a Blog. Perhaps I'll keep this one up. I'll probably post when I'm at an emotional extreme or very bored. I hope it brings you whatever you were looking for.